MASSIVE CW: VENT, HEAVY DISSOCIATION, MENTIONS OF THE YANDEREDEV AND PUMPKINTHEGENTLEMAN SITUATIONS,

MASSIVE CW: VENT, HEAVY DISSOCIATION, MENTIONS OF THE YANDEREDEV AND PUMPKINTHEGENTLEMAN SITUATIONS, PANIC ATTACKS, ANXIETY THEMES, DISTORTED SENSE OF SELF

To YandereDev: this is not intended to be disrespectful towards you or pumpkin in any way, and I apologize if it comes off that way. This was made to simply express my own feelings and thoughts (as a vent usually does). If you want me to make it private, please let me know. Thank you.

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So, i found this screenshot from one of YandereDev's older videos.

What do I decide to do with this new information?

Well, this.

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To explain what the meaning of this vent is.

Outside of the physical reactions that occur, whenever I have a panic attack, my main instinct is to usually dissociate--The freeze response-- And when I dissociate to a certain degree, many negative thoughts can emerge, which can distress me even further, therefore worsening the panic attack.

The amount of online drama an posts about it I've seen lately-- and in particular the YandereDev and PumpkinTheGentleman situations-- have been causing me to have endless panic attacks, and this has been causing me to have a distorted sense of self, making me question if I can even be saved and even questioning my humanity.

The reason why I chose Yanderedev for this vent is that I have discovered that he has had similar feelings as I have when he was my age, only for a different reason, and I find it comforting that someone out there knows how I feel, and that my feelings are valid and real.

He's the only one that makes me feel human.

And that's why I love him so much.

Here is the original incase anyone is curious

EDIT: WHOOPS! wrong tag lmao

I want to have friends so so baaad-

But then I realize that I have a very low social battery and I feel like I'm going to faint from tiredness after every little interaction

BPD culture is joining the official Yandere Simulator discord (after you got banned from an unofficial one after an argument with one of the members) and everyone there is friendly to you, and at first you're sitting there like "finally, a fandom space i actually feel welcomed and valued in!!!"

and then you get muted for an hour because you were going off topic in the non off-topic channels too much, it drives up your anxiety like crazy, and you're just sitting there like "oh, nevermind."

Seriously, is there ANY fandom space that exists that I actually feel like I belong in and don't have to worry about everyone hating me and/or fucking it up by doing something stupid during a mood swing???

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CW: VENT, SUICIDE MENTIONS

Why can't I just fucking mean something to someone?

I'm tired of being cooped up in my house all day long and never actually getting to hang out with any of my friends, while also never getting a single bit of attention online outside of people being a dick to me and shaming me for having a different opinion than theirs, and atp, i'm giving up.

I stopped asking my friends if they want to hang out, I stopped trying to rack up conversations with people, and I just don't care anymore.

I'm only still active on social media anymore because even with the isolation I still have this stupid ass internet addiction that's never gonna go away and I just-... (honestly it wouldn't matter what I post anyway considering my reputation's already ruined by some stupid actions I did years ago.

I just wish someone actually needed me in their life. Like they literally depend on my attention so that they don't kill themselves. That way I wouldn't be so damn lonely all the time.

I hate being single

Like i wanna send random stuff to a s/o

I wanna hold some1

I wanna feel loved

Why the fuck do I always make things horrible?