You See, If Everyone Around You Tells You You're The Problem. You Eventually Internalize It. I Wish I

You see, if everyone around you tells you you're the problem. You eventually internalize it. I wish I never existed, maybe then people around me wouldn't be so miserable. They'd be happy. And that's all I want.

nvm fuck it, I'll just go with "femcel" cause it fits me better, and I'll orient between incel and femcel as needed.

does anyone know what to call a nonbinary incel? I think I might be an incel but I don't identify as a girl or boy (well, i do identify as a boy, but i'm still nonbinary regardless)

I was thinking about calling them "excels" or "encels", but idk :p

the black and white thinking does not stop at not seeing the greys of the world.

it s either pure euphoria or excruciating sadness and intolerable pain

it s either being repulsed by any social contact and physical affection or craving them with intense desperation

it s either numbing yourself with any destructive mechanism available or being a wreckage of emotions out of control

it s either knowing yourself slightly and thinking you re a decent person or feeling like you re the worst human in this entire world

it s either being consumed by any sensation or event and feeling on the edge of a spiritual awakening or drowning yourself in nihilism and seeing no point at all

it s the starvation or binging, the paralysing fear of driving or doing it so recklessly, it s either the absolute fear of sexual intimacy or engaging in hyper-sexuality so impulsively

it s a ton. it s barely tolerable and manageable, even to take it day by day

I need a big red circle and arrow around me that says “sensitive. will cry” like some sort of shitty clickbait YouTube video

me making imaginary scenarios in my head where tony crynight's comforting me while I'm recovering from a mental breakdown at vidcon knowing damn well that it could never happen irl and he doesn't care about me and wants me dead

@tonycrynight do you care?? I genuinely want to know.

yup