Bpd Struggles - Tumblr Posts
s3xu@al assault really makes you feel like you’re only good for sex and sending nudes and that the only way to make things right with someone is letting them use your body huh hahahshhdbxnd
I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.
I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.
I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.
I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.
I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.
CW: SUICIDE, PSYCH WARDS AND ABLEISM (including internalized ableism)
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I hate having BPD so much.
Anytime I have an issue in my life, people always find a way to blame me for it or just dismiss it in general, either that or pity me to the point that it feels infantalizing, and nowhere do people even try to listen to me when I'm struggling.
Just this morning, I woke up with some really fucked up thoughts about me killing myself and people yelling and shit, and that caused me to dissociate pretty harshly to the point I was just sitting in my room in my PJs, and my mom saw me and yelled at me for not getting ready, and she slammed the door and called me lazy for not going to school.
I hate having my emotions invalidated so much, it hurts. I just wished someone fucking listened to me..
And god forbid I show a trait of bpd that they don't like, because I'm then told that it's my fault that I'm struggling, and honestly I just want to kill myself atp.
Also, I hate having to worry about if people actually care for me or if they want me dead. Logically I know they care, but because I don't get attention from them 100% of the time, I'm starting to have the mentality that they aren't my friends.
It's genuinely so Isolating that it fucking hurts. I'm a fucking attention seeker and one day it's gonna fuck me over so badly.
I hate pulling these extreme stunts for the slightest bit of affection, I hate being unstable, I hate it all.
And probably the worst part: I'll probably never recover from this, basically meaning that unless I kill myself now, I'll be living like this for the rest of my life.
I've tried everything, getting a hobby, journaling, medications, therapy, HELL, even the god damn psych ward. Yet all of my attempts to get better have failed me time and time again.
I don't even know why I haven't killed myself yet despite all of this. Maybe I'm just a pussy, idk.
Someone PLEASE end my suffering...
TW: SELF HARM
Me when the most minor inconvenience known to man (Im gonna start cutting myself over it)
TW: VENT, SUICIDE, THE YANDEREDEV SITUATION, INTERNALIZED ABLEISM, GROOMING
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I should probably just kill myself atp.
Anytime I actually get interested in something, I always fuck it up and I ruin it for everyone.
Just today, I talked about how the situation regarding yandereDev has been giving me panic attacks because of how frustrating it is to keep seeing how he's a groomer and stuff (even if I don't want to hear about it at all), and I had completely forgotten that on the server I said this in, it's against the rules to mention it, and then I got banned and yandereDev blocked me.
So yeah, that killed my yandere simulator hyperfixation.
Why the fuck am I even like this?? Why can't I just be fucking normal for once in my god damn life, why do I have to ruin every fucking opportunity to make friends by doing something stupid, JUST WHY??
Atp, I'm considering suicide as a last option, I can't take it anymore. My medications don't do Jack shit except make me feel worse, I only see my therapist once a week, and anytime I think I'm getting better, something comes over to fucking ruin it, and i-- I FUCKING HATE IT!
I just thought that maybe, just MAYBE, if I try to help yandereDev, if I tried to find a solution to his issues and possibly save him, then maybe, I'll finally be worth something to someone.
And maybe I'll finally be loved and treated right...
But I guess that doesn't matter, cause now he's gone, and there's nothing I can do to win his trust now.
I fucking hate being mentally retarded....
"ill never leave you" liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar
nobody will understand how badly it hurts when you wither everything you touch and lay waste wherever you step.
I personally think its impressive how my mind can jump to conclusions that are so drastically far from the next logical point of thought- and so quickly too!
wow I really hate myself
I need a big red circle and arrow around me that says “sensitive. will cry” like some sort of shitty clickbait YouTube video