I Confess, Doubt Has Been Restraining Me From The Beginning. I Didn't Really Think We Can Make It. But

I confess, doubt has been restraining me from the beginning. I didn't really think we can make it. But look at us, we made it this far.

We made it this far to say goodbye.

(Surprisingly, we made it farther than I thought)

Katie, 21:00

You have the right to remain silent

You have the right to remain-

Oh heart

The law isn't wrong

But you followed the song

Telling you

To spill it all out

All of it

Like water

And drowned him

In a stream

Of confessions

You could have just stored

Inside

Let them boil down

With the cold truth

Memories you don't remember

Forgetting

Now the flashbacks

Are coming too fast

A dizzying speed

Of moments in polaroid pictures

//

His face floats

On the mess

Of stark honesty

Breaking free

From your mind

Why did you say

You love him

Like you could hold on

To this promise

Forever

Why did you say

You care so much more

Than anyone will ever do

Why did you say

You are scared

To lose him

In the crowd

Scared he will

Let go of your hand

And be swallowed

By the fiasco

Why did you say

You will try

You will try to remain

Bounded by the things

That made you, you

Once upon a time

When the world

Was warmer

Than it feels now

Like Pleistocene is here

Playing on repeat

Making you cringe

From a touch

You used to like

So much

//

It's weird

How your life

Became so messy

Well honestly

You could have

Remained silent

Intact with your soul

But you flowed

With the raging current

And told him

At first instance

About the chaos

All those moments

No one

Would care to listen

//

You have the right to remain silent

Yet heart, you talked

//

You have the right to remain

Yet heart, you fled

//

You have the right

Yet heart, you waived it

//

You have (it)

Yet heart, you lost-

Everything

Now all you got

Is the mess

Of collected

Confessions

About how you used

To feel about him

These of course

Are just phantoms now

Frightening you

Even more

Making you hide

Behind the veil

Of repressed memory

An escape plan

Time devised

To free you

From the horrors

Of the past

-An honest mess,

(It is right to remain silent)

Katie, 16:30

When you gaze,the skin that covers me detaches itself like a silk falling off, revealing my throbbing fury, my secret longings, my sins...

(Falling)

Katie, 01:15

Where do midnight tears go?

After they cleanse the heart

Where do they run to?

Do they flow with the river

Or against the current

Of a raging sea

Fight their own sorrow

Bury themselves in the burrow

Clawed in the ocean floor

Where do they run to?

After taking all the bitterness

Where do they hide

Do they run to reveal

What lips screamed

In the depth of despair

A moment of helplessness

Lungs gasping for air

After they fall

Where do they go?

Somewhere dark

A forest of snow

Where do they rest

After calming hysteria

Do they linger beneath the pillows

And wait for tomorrow

As I wait for you

After your footsteps are gone

Their echo disappeared

Into the long corridor of time

I sit by my bed

Watching the candlestick

Consume itself with its fire

The chilled wind of dawn

Comes to greet me

I shiver against its gust

And remember your touch

And how warm it has felt

Against my skin

Too warm that it hid

The truth that you are leaving

So I wept like a child

Gone insane for a while

For a little while

Then my own tears

Flodded my world

Drowned me

But in the end, taught me

How to swim to the surface

And now my eyes are dry

Where do the tears go?

After cleansing me

For another sullen midnight

Where do they hide?

Do they roll on my pillow

Linger longer than I do?

Or are they somewhere tracing

The steps back to you?

-Tracing the steps back to you,

Katie, 13:00

I want to be lost

In my ocean of thoughts

Linger in the depth

Of my rambling chaos

//

Perhaps to be lost is better

Than have me stand

Infront of you

But never seen

For you seek

The comfort

Of winding lies

Not the beautiful fiasco

Of black stormy hair

Freckled facial skin

A pair of clear brown eyes

Dancing about your face

Once in a while they stop

To stare

A little deeper

Like they're trying to probe

Into your soul

Completely shrouded

In an exquisite smile

A perfect masquerade

//

I try to know you

Like a sacred creed

But you hide beneath

Layers of cemented lies

You refuse to speak

To my exposed soul

Cast away the truth

Back to the grave

Where it spent

Eons of incarceration

//

Why wouldn't you look at me

As I bare it all

I stand in stark nudity

Before you

But you turn away

//

Are you afraid

To discover what's engraved

In my bones

For so long

Your name

Tattooed in me

In my soul

A beautiful calligraphy

Of pain

An anguished scream

Swallowed by the wind

A tale

Of love and lost

Spilled carelessly

In ancient Baybayin

-Tattooed in me,

Katie, 20:00

(Baybayin is an ancient pre-colonial Philippine writing system.The term Baybay literally means "to spell" in Tagalog.)