Depression Sucks - Tumblr Posts

Today wasn’t great. I’ve got a panic attack in class because I’m anxious about passing my test next week and in addition to not being able to sleep properly for weeks now my IBS is acting up so that I physically feel like I was hit by a truck.

I just got a postcard from a friend who wrote me that they’re proud of me for studying so much and now I feel even worse because I feel like I’m lying. I’m not studying much, if I manage to do my homework, attend my 3 tutoring lessons a week and study vocs for 10 minutes daily that’s much for me already.

I really don’t study much because everything is so damn exhausting and to hear praise about my hard work makes me just feel like a fraud because it’s simply not true that I’m studying much.

But I also know that I’m dealing with a chronic illness and depression right now, so even when I do what would be the bare minimum for others, that’s hard work for me. I just hope it will be enough to pass this class.

What helped me through this day though is spn and this wonderful fandom. Y’all are so full of love and all your wonderful art helps distracting me from the pain I’m in. I love y’all idjits💛

Depression straight up sucks. 

I hate when people say stuff like “Oh well, you know, why don’t you just get over it? I won’t be that bad, right?”

Hope it’ll get better soon. Stay safe.

Depression has me by the arm right now. Has since saturday at least. I’m not in a great place. I may go on a sabattical from tumblr this week, because the constant phone checking, like it’s going to fill in something, like I’m waiting for something in this wide world to change and somehow solve all my problems, is kicking up my anxiety pretty badly. Sorry guys. If I manage to write anything worth reading I’ll post it regardless. See you next weekend.

I’m so fuckin depressed, I found my dog dead from where someone hit him. I’m so sick of everything.

I really miss him. I feel like everything has crashed down and I’m struggling to breathe.

I just want my baby back…

life is...yeah life is one big comedian and I'm that one helpless audience member taking all the heat from the onslaught of jokes.

That whole thing where you stop calling and life progresses and then you finally see people and realize how much time you've missed, is a very real thing. And it hurts. I feel like I'm going to experience that I've already experienced it a couple of times and I hate that feeling it's a very dark and scary feeling that's the best way I can describe it but it just doesn't feel right. And the feeling that you're never really going to get help for whatever it is you're going through. Whatever it is I'm going through should I say. It's like a forever lost feeling the feeling that family members will grow and progress or whatever, and it's kind of like life just ran by at a flash and you didn't get a chance to actually enjoy it and it left you behind. I'm not even that old and I feel like this is already happening to me..... the depression never stops it just kind of eases up every once in awhile. I hate this s***

Not supposed to be eating candy even though technically it is plant-based.. but I'm trying to feel a little bit of nostalgia from childhood. Life has been getting rough and I'm in a tight spot right now and I have been for a long time. Just trying to capture a little bit of piece akin to the peace I experienced during my childhood.

Its 4 am. I've been sitting under the hot water of my shower for the last 45 minutes. When am I supposed to feel good?

Sorry for the disappearing act. I'm dusting off my Tumblr account and plan on doing this balloon either tonight at work (if I can get a ride) or tomorrow. But soon.

I was wondering if you would make a shantae balloon ?

I'll see what I can do!

Hey, @tumblr side of science. Why it is that adulting sucks for the caretaker of the friend group? My friends are all broken in different ways, but I too am broken. The repair man fixes, but who fixes the repair man?

I don't know who is going to see this, but I'm done. I'm finished trying to be a caring person for a world that doesn't care about its caretakers. My trust and love have been taken for granted for far too long, in D&D terms, I am the party cleric pouring my life energy to keep my party alive and well, but nobody thanks them, no gratitude or condolences, it's just expected that the cleric heals and doesn't need healing themselves. That is not the case. I wonder how well these humans that call me "friend" will react when I just disappear. Because I am done. Chances of this reaching anybody else that will resonate with it here on Tumblr is higher than other sites. Hope you all are doing better than me.

Compassion is dead in the outernet (real world or whatever you wanna call it), just saw a woman nag at a homeless person who wasn't in any way blocking her (not assuming her gender, she was legit bosslady cringe) "business". Like where the fwark is the homeless one supposed to go? The shelter and get their stuff taken/stolen from them? And they have a cat too! If I had my own place I would put them up for a while, but it's not my place. And I'm just two words from ending up like that with how broke I have been these past years.

Know what's great about being such a small tumblr user? No? Neither do I. You post stuff that you feel others would enjoy, or even benefit from, but the most exposure you get is maybe 4 notes from the real mutuals, and those are just likes for the most part... it's kinda depressing. Sorry to drag down anyone else's mood, just had to get this off my chest.

Talk to Them...

“I hate it here.  School is too hard.  The playground is different from the one in Pennsylvania.  I don’t like Delaware.  I don’t like living with my grandpa.  I want to live with my mom and dad but they have to fix the house so we can go back.  My brother and sister and I moved down here.  My baby-baby sister is with mom and dad.  I want to go home.”

This ramble is brought to you by a displaced boy in first grade.

Sometimes you just have to listen and not just shove a lesson down their throat.

Not long after this, I sat with him again.  We worked on his reading, which is something he hates.  He still hated Delaware.  He still missed his mom and dad.  But he was more willing to participate and work with me.  He didn’t act up or whine.

Sometimes a chat can make a world of difference.

Even if the effects only lasts two weeks before he goes back to Pennsylvania…

Depression Battle...

Depression falling.

After so many weeks of pain…

I feel at peace now.

Let's talk SH

Content Warning. Major Discussions of S*lf H*rm mostly the context of alternatives (descriptions kept to a minimum). Please be mindful of your own triggers, and read at your own pace, look after yourselves, that kind of thing. Please. 💜

Many of my councillors, therapists, and psychologists have told me to 'just do it in red pen' instead of doing it with a blade, this is a great idea. If and only if, you have broken the original desire for pain. We really want to be finding options that distract our brains rather than giving them time to ruminate.

So let's jump right into some of our most effective alternative options.

(Please be aware, we do not condone starting to SH if you can avoid it, there are better options. This list is intended for those of us who already have issues with SH)

If you're struggling, please reach out.

Global Suicide Hotlines: https://faq.whatsapp.com/1417269125743673

https://www.depression.org.nz/

distraction based solutions

Make a playlist. Jump into Spotify, Apple Music, YT music, burn a CD, just Collect Music That Fits Your Feelings in the moment.

Crack open that recorder you haven't touched since your first year of school, bang on the pots and pans... make a racket, scream to the heavens.

I mean in this in 100% seriousness: if you have a video game that you like, play it. No ones care if you're playing Roblox, blowing up TNT in Minecraft (extremely satisfying), stealing cars in GTA, whacking up a storm in Wii Sports Resort Swordfighting, playing Fireboy & Watergirl on CoolMathGames, solving puzzles in the Legend of Zelda, do the wordle, code something on Scratch, or playing some random game you installed yesterday; get your brain busy and get it occupied. Especially if you can beat up on something (mass murdering bokoblins in LoZ AoC, anyone?)

Play with the ✨bored button✨ https://www.boredbutton.com/

Video games not your thing? How about Sodoku? Solitaire? Word find?

Read a book

Call or text a friend. Easier said than done, especially if you feel like you're burdening them, but this can really help. You don't even have to talk to them about what you're going through. Ring up your local autistic or ADHD friend; ask them about their current hyperfixation, by the time they're done, there's a good chance you'll have forgotten everything.

Find a new research topic. Open Wikipedia to a random page (just type "Special:Random" in the general search box or click that link), spend the next several hours learning about it and following all the hyperlinks.

Get your body moving, YouTube workouts can be great for this if you're confined.

some kind of pain w/o pain

Make a character. Write about them. Hurt them. Put them through hell and back again. Write someone else's pain. Even if your character is hurting themselves, it's better than hurting you. Even if it's absolutely terrible writing. We're not looking for the next best-selling novel here (most likely no one else will even see it), we're only looking for someway for you to externalise your hurt.

Find a book or fan fiction. There are plenty of books out there with scenes where someone's in pain. Alternatively, jump onto A03, find a fandom you like, pop 's*lf h*rm' into the tags, most fandoms there's at least one. (Please be mindful of trigger warnings here and whether seeing characters in pain makes it worse).

Write out every single reason you want to hurt yourself on your skin. Leave it until the urge dies down. Wash it off.

Run a blunt object over your hands. I find thumb stones super helpful. Fidget with a fidget toy, keep your hands busy.

If you can sing, sing. Scream in the shower.

Paint, draw, colour. Scribble everywhere. D r a w. Draw an arm, and draw yourself bleeding if it helps.

Write terrible poetry. This is the main thing that's helped me.

pain without injury (not ideal)

rubber band around your wrist, snap it a lot.

suck on an ice cube

eat something super sour (or super spicy!)

run something pointed (not sharp) against your skin

draw on yourself with henna, or make up

speaking of, SFX wounds made of makeup? amazing.

have a very hot, or absolutely freezing shower

If you're up to figuring out why you want to hurt, sometimes this can help too. And ofc, I always suggest journalling out your thoughts.

And here's a website with some more

https://projectlets.org/alternatives-to-selfharm

Please add your own suggestions in the comments! I'd love to hear what helps

Genuinely, the main goal here is to keep your body unhurt in someway. Stay safe out there <3

We needed somewhere to collect viable self harm alternatives because yk, mental illness is as mental illness does.

I’m feeling grey but I’ll give you color

I’m feeling utterly depressed, but I also want to do theme customization. Would anyone like a theme makeover? I won’t promise miracles of java or CSS, but I do decent stuff. I play with colors, pictures, fonts, themes, all sorts of stuff. Have a bunch of examples of character and organization tumblrs I’ve built. 

@collectingrewards

@acurlofsmoke

@laughterandlarceny

@gw2commons

@sabersandspice

@grovemotherscorner

@silvereyesinthedark

I can design the tumblr and then just give you the code to copy/paste into your blog. Maybe this will get me out of my funk. Send me a PM or something if you’re interested. Thanks.