Incorrect Greek Myths - Tumblr Posts
Dionysus: I need some relationship advice-
Hades, putting his hands up: Hey, just because I’m married to Persephone doesn’t mean I know how I did it
Hades, stroking Persephone’s head: You’re so tiny and adorable.
Persephone, half asleep: I could kick your ass right now.
Hades, looking at her with heart eyes: I know.
Hades: I don’t know if you noticed but I slipped a little note in your lunch to say how much I love you.
Persephone: Thank you, that’s very sweet but-
Persephone, holding up a 10 page letter: This is not a little note, Hades
Hades: ...So what's it like being married to Hera?
Zeus: Once, I asked her for a water while she was pissed at me, and she brought me a glass full of ice and said "wait."
Hera: You know what rhymes with wine?
Hera: Mine.
Apollo: Sorry, I lost my cool for a second.
Hades, not looking up from his cup of coffee: You can't lose what you don't have.
Hera: So you've known Persephone for 12 hours, what have you discovered?
Hades: People fall in love with her very easily
Hera: ... an example?
Hades, holding back tears: Me
Hades at some point: Whoever doesn't like Persephone, your mom's a hoe!
Kronos: No man can defeat me.
Persephone: I am no man.
I agree men suck
Any man: Hey-
Artemis: Enough.
Behead them all Hebe 😈
Hera: And what do you do if a man calls you ‘princess’ in a condescending manner?
Hebe: Assert your newly appointed royal dominance by having him beheaded.
Hera, clapping her hands together: Perfect!
Good job Hera
Echo: Zeus is outside of your window yelling again. I think you should do something.
Hera, taking a drag of her cigarette and placing her book down: You’re right, I should...
*Hera closes the window*
Echo:
He is 😭
Hephaestus: I’ve heard some... talk about my current relationship status. I want to clarify the matter once and for all.
Hephaestus: I am taken.
Hephaestus, tearing up: ...For granted. Every day of my life
I agree Ares. It’s so hard to spell so after a while I just use speech to text 😭
Aphrodite: It’s been 15 minutes and he still hasn’t texted me back. What if he’s hurt?
Eros: Mama, just give him some time.
*Meanwhile*
Ares: *Struggling to spell gorgeous*
Id fight Zeus for fun too. Ares would also fight anyone for fun and so would I
Ares: I would fight Zeus for our love
Aphrodite: You would fight Zeus for fun, I’m not special
Hades nooo 😭😭
Hades: Sometimes, the smallest things can take up the most room in our hearts.
Persephone: They do?
Hades: You do.
Yes they will be
If anyone thinks otherwise your opinion is wrong
Zeus: What are you doing?
Hera: I’m planning a wedding.
Zeus: Whose?
Hera: Hades and Persephone’s.
Zeus: THEY’RE ENGAGED?!
Hera: They will be.
Zeus no 😭😭 Poor Hebes teacher
Random nymph at the store: Hey! Zeus, is that you?
Zeus: Er- Do I know you?
Nymph: You’re the father of one of my children!
Zeus: What?...
Zeus: Oh my gods, are you that stripper from that one night in the Underworld two years ago?
Nymph: I’m your daughter Hebe’s teacher at school.
Don’t worry I love you Hephaestus 😭❤️
Hephaestus: If I tell you that I love you, will you say it back?
Aphrodite: Of course
Hephaestus: I love you
Aphrodite: It back
Ares I’ll help
Zeus: Ares is playing dress-up with Hebe.
Hera: He is?
Zeus: Yup. She was upset about some kid at school calling her names.
Hera: That’s sweet of him to distract her.
*Meanwhile*
Ares, going through Hebe’s closet: Now these shoes have a reinforced sole, meaning your kick is gonna be twice as painful-