Incorrect Obey Me - Tumblr Posts
the brothers: mc let me carry ur bag for u ! ur human it might break ur back and then u’ll die :((
solomon: my back hurts !!
the brothers (and barbatos): lmao kys
mammon: happy birthday human !! the great mammon’ll do whatever i can to grant you your wish >:)
MC: I only have one (1) wish for my birthday and that is to get you pregnant
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saying this as an AFAB bitch btw
MC: you’re like a creetur to me
lucifer: i don’t know what type of response you’re expecting but if you want a positive one wait until im drunk instead of doing fucking paperwork.
lucifer is a milf, simeon is a dilf, and barbatos isn’t a step dad, he’s the dad that stepped up. send post.
👀
Asmo: I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate or manwhore our way out of it this time....
Satan: *cracks his knuckles* Manslaughter it is.
Belphegor: how do i put myself in a coma without killing myself or giving myself permanent brain damage? My life sucks and i want to die but i think i might want to wake up later, plus i have a twin brother who i don’t want to scar
Belphegor: update: lol i don’t want to die, i just want to go to sleep for like a month
Belphegor: update 2: to all you idiots incapable of literacy, i didn’t ask how to improve my current circumstances, i asked how to induce a coma
MC: when i asked you to bring me something back from the beach, i meant like a conch shell
Mammon, struggling to hold a seagull: well you didn’t fucking say that
Mammon: self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys
Asmodeus: no self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on makeup if you like it or taking a nice warm nap stuff like that basically
Satan: self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel their bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.
Leviathan: self care is taking your birthday cake so i can eat the frosting
Beelzebub: if you touch my birthday cake i’ll make you eat your hands
Mammon: ive only had a pact with this human for a day and a half but if anything happened to them, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself
MC: let’s not forget that one time you literally killed me
Belphegor: how many times am i gonna have to apologize for that
MC: once would be nice
Belphegor: no
Belphegor: finally, you’ve freed me, MC. thank you
MC: you’re welcome, belphie :)
MC: ...why do i hear boss music?
Asmodeus: this is literally the most boring party ive ever been to. can we leave already?
MC: Asmo, it’s my grandmother’s funeral
MC: so you wanna head to my room?
Leviathan: sure...
MC: you have protection?
Leviathan: w-why what’s in there?
Asmodeus: remember to drink water babes!
Mammon: no
Asmodeus: then become the dirt i walk on
Belphegor: i just got jumped
Mammon: why??? what’d you do???
Belphegor: oh i don’t know let me just go ask them. i swear you ask the dumbest fucking questions
Diavolo: today, i think i’ll cause problems on purpose
Lucifer: i’m begging you to just stay home
Leviathan: i wish i lacked critical thinking skills like mammon, he seems so happy
Asmodeus: your hair doesn’t go with your outfit. you look kind of halloween-y
Mammon: the fuck is up your ass today?
Asmodeus: a worm. just to make me lose a few pounds
MC: i seriously can’t believe you did that at my grandma’s funeral
Leviathan: i don’t understand why it’s such a big deal-
MC: it’s common sense!
Leviathan, later talking to Beelzebub: so apparently i was not suppose to play clash of clans at their grandma’s funeral. how the hell was i suppose to know that?
Diavolo: it’s understandable, no one is judging you. lucifer is strong and mysterious, but sort of compact and well muscled
Barbatos: i’m not in love with lucifer but i’m starting to think you might be