Incorrect Steve Rogers - Tumblr Posts

Fury: have you gotten code names?

Sam: I'm Tom Ato

Steve: I'm Ann Chovi

Bucky: and I'm Ceaser Salad!

Steve:[Tells them the mission plan]

Natasha: that's fun, ancient one

Sam: roger that, artifact

Bucky: of corpse

Steve:

Steve: Buck, not you too-

Steve: footprints in the sand

Steve: then you turn around and you see another pair

Steve: because Jesus was with you all along

Bucky:

Bucky: My names Bucky-

Bucky: 'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street

Sam: Stop it with your old boyfriend.

Bucky: Thats a song-

Peter, muttering: I just realized my super healing is so fascinating and interesting, but I know little to nothing about why and how it works. Maybe I should test it by—

Steve, overhearing: There will be no testing!

Peter: But—

Natasha: No buts.

Peter: I mean, I know that it's—

Tony, who came back after fetching coffee not knowing what Peter even did: Then nothing, Peter. Discussion over.

Peter: Guys, could you help me with my assignment? We need to list why water is beneficial to us.

Steve: Well, if you want to lose weight, you can drink water.

Bucky: Need to relieve headaches? Drink water.

Tony, gesturing to himself: Clean face? Drink water.

Natasha: Tired of a person? Drown them.

Everyone in the lounge area:

Bucky: ...Y'know, Nat's solution applies to my problem as well, depending on the context.

Steve talking with Peter about queer-platonic relationships: Huh. What are the limits to this relationship, then? I get that there's platonic hugs and kisses, but what sets as the boundary line?

Sam: I think if you stick a finger up my ass I don’t think its platonic no more.

Steve:

Peter:

Sam:

Steve: Why would I stick a finger up your ass?

Peter in the corner, only wanting to inform, on the verge of tears:

Steve: Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Peter: Wait, it's Wednesday?

Tony: It is Wednesday, underoos.

Peter: What happened to Tuesday?

Tony: I believe that was yesterday.

Peter: What? Why? How??

Loki, out of nowhere: By the progression of time, I'd assume, spiderling.

Steve: When I was a kid, I used to be so weird.

Bucky: Even now that you're a century old, you're still fucking weird.

Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.

Peter: Yeah no, he's finna die.

Steve: Wait, who?

Natasha: Why?

Peter: He got grazed by a bullet wound, beaten up with a shovel to the point of unconsciousness, got his bullet wound stepped on that woke him up, coughed up blood, and got a heavy blow to the head causing a severe concussion.

Bucky: ..That's a long list of injuries, punk. Bet you my metal arm whoever 'he' is that he won't get out of that alive without immediate medical attention.

Tony:

Tony: ...Peter, why is your teeth stained red?

Peter: Because it was me, Peter! *passes out*

Avengers, panicking: HOLY FUCK BRUCE COME HERE— SOMEONE CALL DOCTOR CHO—