Needing You - Tumblr Posts

"As my world goes quiet again."

Everything that reminds me of you fades to black.

It's all I know how to do.

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”

— J.K. Rowling

Sunday 0637

I went on a date Friday night, (let us call him "Norm", for normal).

Norm has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a man, and is intriguing, eccentric, and most assuredly not my type.

While I may have pondered for more than a minute what Norm's mouth tasted like, while I thought about the feeling of tipping my face up to a very tall man; there was no burning desire, no frenetic kinetic energy as there is with you.

You, in the most bizarre twist of events gave me pre-date advice; though you did not ask for details at all when I came home. I wish I could believe that for once you might be jealous.

Norm is also nothing like Him; like comparing a sculpture to a wolf, and oh God how that one stung, I guess I've not completely moved on there yet either.

Mayhap I carry pieces of every past lover within me, absorbing, assimilating, and never finding completion.

Maybe I don't deserve it.

Heartwrenched

I cannot tonight

I cannot face another dream of my dead mother

Or my prodigal son

Or my lover who is slipping like sand through my fingers

I cannot

So I pray my rosary with an additional bead; white and chalky, Morphius compressed circular with a singular line-

Tonight I chase sleep with no dreams.

Stolen

We meet in the dark no longer like magnets but like gravity instead. Another risked embrace, lips brushed and we forget ourselves for just a moment in this unused parking lot-my hand against your chest; yours stroking the small of my back, any number of little gestures that would prove our undoing by daylight.

And we separate, peel away because it cannot last. Break the ties, and I am set adrift into the atmosphere once more.

Breathless

You still take my knees away.

Happy?

I never knew what love was until you.

Why did it have to be you?

FML

Oh God if only this dating app would stop suggesting my ex boyfriend.

God I wish it was simple.

Divided Joy

There's an insidious voice in the back of my head, it hisses and spits that you only said it out of jealousy.

You see, the last time I told you I loved you, you pushed me so far away we didn't talk for almost a year. So you'll forgive me, my lover, if I'm a little bit gun shy.

Icarus

We come together again, gravity falling naked into the ocean; lovers comfortable with all our flaws and imperfections.

Your hand on my cheek-stroke the sweat from my upper lip, I kiss your finger tips and continue to melt for you.

Ephemeral

I hold your love around me like a soap bubble, fragile to the slightest breath, still agape at its existence; the wrong movement might rupture everything in a scented mist.

Tuesday 1923

Christmas, 2017:

You are gone you are gone it is over and I eat uncounted tranquilizers to blunt the broken shards of my soul. I lie mindless on my bed willing my heart to stop beating, vessels to stop pulsing, if I could stop breathing by sheer force of will I would, because you are gone; nothing matters but that.

Christmas, 2018:

I have lost count of the times you have told me you love me today, I need nothing else. You love me; nothing matters but that.

Shiny

It's the promise you know, that means more than the thing promised;

because I know the weight of your word.

Sir?

"You can date if you want to"

"I don't recall asking your permission"

Black Jack

The world around me comes in pairs, two by two by two like Noah's ark on parade and tonight-

our triangle is a line because this moment is for you and her; there's no room for me in your marriage tonight.

Lover Stop, Lover Don't

I'll be whatever you need me to be right now; just please don't put me through that again.

Pantheon

You are Ares; god of war

You are Apollo; god of sun

You are Hades; god of death

You are immortal in my arms

Road Rash

There's a moment when the collagen fibers are hanging in shreds from the edge of the scab, where the pain intensifies sharply and blood; bright and weepy begins to peek out at the center. There's a moment right there when you know damn well you should stop pulling; but you just....don't.

"It must be awkward when I talk about her"

Nope. Not awkward at all.