Things I Can't Say Out Loud - Tumblr Posts

Wednesday 1339

I dreamed of you last night, I've no idea if it meant anything at all; but for a brief space of firing synapses we were happy.

Today you have not contacted me at all.

In Times of Trouble

I sit beside him waiting my turn for the needles and the ink

our words are casual theater in action the veneer polished to impress

but it's when he tries to kiss me

and kiss me

and kiss me

I wake up realizing I found the steel to tell him no.

The Anatomy of Jealousy

If I could stretch my fingers into tendrils across this table

interlaced intertwined the way I want to be with you burrowing seeking the source

through dermis and tissue at your throat till you swallow me as I have you uncounted times I will penetrate your heart so deeply embedded in your ventricles that you cannot live without the presence of me

and then no other can have you.

Monday 1955

We touch on it from time to time, and I tell you the same always: you've never given me false hope.

Except

you have.

Every time you tell me you're in love with me. Every time you tell me it's fading for her. Every time you tell me about the conflict in your soul, every time you claim me as yours;

hope flickers.

Tuesday 1343

I don't understand what's going wrong or how to fix it I'm losing you and I don't know why

Sunday 0001

To put a name on it, he is a what might have been, and now my childhood friend starts lingering at the edges of my mind, a dangerous habit as I've a tendency to fall for fantasies.

What might have been. I'll always wonder how it could have gone.

Sunday 1120

I dreamed of you last night, dreamed that you were ready to leave her and come to me.

Dear God, my dreams are cruel.

Monday 1332

I do not ever pray for you to leave her, oh no, I am too righteous for that; or superstitious, what have you.

I pray that you are happy. I pray that you find peace.

Most of all I pray that there is a resolution to this mess, sooner please, than later.

Thursday 1301

Every minute ticking by twists the knife a bit deeper.

Anything you can do I can do better, I can do rejection better than you.

WHERE ARE YOU YOU ARE ALL I HAVE

Saturday 1945

I can't breath without you.

Sunday 0726

I dreamed about you last night.

Just like I prayed to.

Tuesday 2208

I would give anything to dream of you tonight.

Friday 1140

I dreamed of you last night, startled arms captured, you leaned in for a kiss

and I was yours.

It's always her for you;

and always you for me.

Wednesday 2100

I woke with the feeling I had yelled at you, warranted or not I felt ashamed.

Tell me; if she weren't in the picture, would we still be?

Found Out About You

It's almost been a year and I should have moved on by now I know but my chest is a graveyard of undead feelings that rise at the most inconvenient of times.

My right flank itches with the irritability of a healing tattoo and my mind is harder in ways I never dreamed and my house is torn asunder yet still I smile, I laugh, brittle sharp and jagged as always and tomorrow-

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow I will see him. For the first time, in almost a year.

The Color of Irony

Does it even register with you who you are talking to

When you sob about her ignoring you all the time?

Saturday 2325

So it was another day where I was alone yet in this stranglehold and I think I think I think again as always I can't take this much more will you make up your mind damn you decide what you want because

I deserve to walk down the street hand in hand with someone who's not ashamed of me and you won't give me that but you won't give me the freedom to find it elsewhere and

I'm trapped in this half life, half existence and you are slowly suffocating me why won't you just choose just choose and love but

Reality is that you already did.

Throw me in the Water, Call me Bob.

It's wearing me down you know, like asphalt against flesh grinding me down to stubs.