Struggling - Tumblr Posts
Quick flat render done :3 my babies looking super cute
Problem areas; the shooting star, the clouds
Unsure areas; a school of jelly fish. I think that would be cute, but that means more work xD
Honestly thought I'd be further along with my animation than I am, but there's a lot of me making beginner mistakes and having to fully restart 4 times minimum each new set of problems 🥴
Anyway, I'm a plant dad to like... 50 plants, say hello to my newest babies
I haven't done drawing art in what feels like ages..
Had to change my sleep schedule drastically recently and Im dying, how the heck do people write while sleep deprived
Public Service Announcement:
Honestly I really need to rant but I’m gonna make this as short as me...Â
To the grown 40 something year old men who continue to message me inappropriate things: I AM NOT INTERESTED NOR DO I WANT TO SEE IT. I have had this happen to me multiple times and not only does it make me uncomfortable but it’s low key hella scary. I seriously am tempted to leave tumblr because of this. I come on here because I expect to feel safe and be able to be unapologetically myself. But now when I come on here and see these messages all it does is make me feel bad about myself and anxious. I KNOW THAT I AM MORE THAN THIS CLOWNERY AND WILL NOT LET THIS DISRESPECT KEEP HAPPENING. It ends now. (NOTE: This does not apply to everyone it’s just been happening so much lately that I need to get it off my chest.)Â
Thank you for attending my Ted talk.
Does anyone else's tumblr only show like 2 people?.. like I only see two peoples post all day. Never any of the other 1000+ blogs I follow... how do I fix this?!?! :( I been googling an nothing comes up, I feel so trapped! Please help me
Okay so, Making lore is hard for my ADHD/Autistic ass. Because while I have it all planned out in my head, for the love of goddamn cake I can’t write it out or draw it out. Like at all, I’ve been trying to get the ideas and all that out- I get distracted by everything. One moment I’m working on a drawing then the next, I’m watching old videos from YouTubers I once watched in my younger years THEN I SWITCH OVER TO MUSIC TO TRY GET BACK INTO DRAWING BUT I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, SPENDING TIME TO MESS WITH MY HAIR AND CLOTHING TILL I GO “Oh shit I’m supposed to be drawing” BUT NOPE, NOW I’M ON PINTEREST LOOKING AT PROMPTS, FANART, CATS, ETC. Then a week later I finally get my shit together and finish the fucking drawing. Holy fuck. It even happens during conversations, I can be chatting or Roleplaying but then I get distracted out of the blue and focus on that thing, suddenly now going back and forth from talking to switching the music to fit my mind scenarios then to staring at nothing as I lose grip on reality… Ughhh.
She hides all her problems behind a smile. Behind her smile is a world of pain and hurt.
You think you know her, but you really have no idea.
This is all because I don’t have any bitches (someone who can edit a phrase)
YES YES YES OH MY GOD. YES. WONDERFUL. NEED THIS OR ILL DIE IM DROOLING PLS. this is actually- yes. just yes. absolutely need this rfn. give🫵
Disobedience - MATZ x reader ft. San
Honestly, this is something that I wanna write fully, but I'm not sure if I should or not haha. I have more to this idea, but wanted to see if there was interest in this first.
Inspo for this is my favorite moot @herarcadewasteland who gave me these amazing ideas for this insane smut.
warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI, brat!reader, Hard doms! Matz and San, punishment, cockwarming, degredation, dumbification, restraints (handcuffs)
taglist: @herarcadewasteland @mingisdoll @bethelighthalazia
Dating Matz, and you piss off Mommy!Hwa so much that he drags you to Hongjoong for punishment. Hongjoong gets the MAMA awards mad stare, as Hwa keeps you kneeling on the ground with a foot on your back, heel digging in. Joong orders you to crawl to him, as Hwa pushes you forward with his foot. You crawl to him, and he looks down at you with that stare from the will trailer. Seonghwa moves to sit down on the couch in the room, as Hongjoong grabs your chin and forces you to keep eye contact with him. He tells you that your punishment is is no way going to be fun, at least for you. He turns to grab a set of cuffs from somewhere in his desk, and stands up, dragging you up as well.
He pushes you over towards Hwa, and as you fall into the other man's lap, he pulls your hands behind your back and cuffs them, leaving you unable to touch either of them. The two men silently communicate, and Hwa understands immediately, moving to undo his pants and pull out his cock, before moving you into position and watching you as your face twists in pleasure as you sink down onto him. except you're slightly unbalanced, and he tsks as you move around. He doesn't move at all, unlike what you were expecting him to do.
"Brats don't get anything. So you're gonna sit here darling, and not move a muscle, and you'll get no stimulation at all from me. You wanted to sit on my cock, well you got you wish. Just not how you expected it, hmm?" He moves his attention from you to his phone, even as you whine and complain.
"The longer you complain, the longer you get nothing." Hongjoong watched the two of you, before going back to his work, you being left almost to your own devices.
This goes on for an unknown amount of time, and you get closer to breaking and giving in and apologizing. You whine more and more, tears starting to well in your eyes. At this point, Hongjoong calls San, asking him something, and San hears your whines in the background, getting curious. Hongjoong just tells him to come and see if he's that curious.
San shows up finally, and you look up at him with tears in your eyes. "Aww, what did the dumb baby do this time to get punished?" He asks mockingly.Â
Always remember that
If you stop struggling, then you stop life.
Huey P. Newton
I'm really depressed right now. And angry.
I feel helpless. Really helpless. I've asked for help from several people, and they keep dropping the ball. I was always so independent that 1. Admitting that I need help is hard and 2. I never quite learned how to ask for it. It makes me feel icky, worthless, like I'm a failure just to ASK, but when I don't get it... I'm just so tired. I feel so horrible, All the time. It doesn't stop, it doesn't get better. Yeah, there are better days where, given my nap and everything I have to do to get to sleep and medicine and diet, I don't struggle. Where it's almost like I'm normal again, if you tilt your head and squint. And the bad days pass, the days where I wake up wondering why my body isnt showing all the bruises and breaks from that truck running me over the night before. Days where I get up only long enough to eat, maybe, like I used to when I would get sick. But the constant fatigue, the constant exhaustion... I look at everyone else and they're so perky, even on bad days. I'm not. It's all I can do to just sit here and stay awake, always. I need help. I need someone to bring the laundry up, or just outright do it, because I can't carry that much up/down the stairs. I need someone to cut vegetables for me. I need someone to cook, to lift the dishes and put them away. I need so much help, on a day to day basis, and it's all on top of maids coming every month to clean. I've tried asking for help, but either I have to gather the vegetables and go outside my house (which I can't handle) or they come over once or twice and then stop. I promise, if I had the energy, if I wasn't in so much pain, it would be nothing. Carrying a basket up the stairs... That doesn't take much energy or time. For a normal person. But... It leaves them wondering why I can't do it myself. It makes me wonder if they're hearing me. If they're thinking that I'm just lazy. I'm having a hard time coming up with other reasons for their behavior.... And it's killing me.
Stranger Things s04e09: #HurtSteve
“fuck you, my child is completely fine”
the taylor swift songs your child relates to most are mirrorball and this is me trying
I hate it here so much. I hate struggling when everyone else seems to be doing just fine. I hate being depressed over a job when most adults can work, have a family, do chores, and be social, all without being so overwhelmed that they want to end it all. Just having a job is killing me. I feel like I'm drowning and everyone else is swimming laps around me. What am I supposed to do? Why am I feeling like this. It's just stocking shelves. It's not like I have to do school stuff in top. But I keep making so many mistakes, and my body is so tired. My mind is tired. I want to quit, but everyone is finally proud of me. It's hard to be ashamed of someone who recently died by their own hand. I don't want to keep drowning like this, but I can't find a way out.
I don't want to be a productive member of society. I want to make my art, play my games, and rest. Every little thing overwhelms me.
Having to get up everyday and maintain my body is exhausting.
Maintaining relationships is exhausting.
Having to get up and work while looking presentable is exhausting.
I'm so tired of being demanded of anything and everything. And I know I probably won't be able to rest until I'm either old and senile or dead.
I didn't ask for this, yet here I am...Slowly rotting away. There's no time to truly enjoy life, work, and be both physically and mentally healthy simultaneously, for the majority of your time.
I just want to get out of here and find true joy.
I can't stand people who constantly ask for help but try to turn around and bite you when you try to help them. If I'm pointing out a pattern in your behavior that keeps leading you to ruining friendships, relationships, etc, don't be mad at me for what you've done to yourself. If you're wondering why everyone keeps breaking up with you a you keep losing friends, and someone who literally grew up with you tries to tell you that you're the problem, then maybe you are. That's not always the case, but you can't just sit there yelling over someone because you don't want to hear it. You can just walk away.
If you're in a public part of someone's house on speaker phone, people can hear your conversation. Be mindful of yourself. If your partner tells you that you've been immature, and someone wants to help you fix that, you don't have to accept the help. But you also shouldn't be a massive douche about it. Don't beg me to help you with random things in the middle of the night (for free, I might add) and then come back later and catch an attitude with me over the smallest things.
If I've talked you out of suicide, done your homework for you (even though you always agreed to pay me but never did), covered for you to keep you out of trouble, cooked for you, cleaned up your messes, given you advice every time you asked for it, and come to get you out of a rough spot, don't snap at me over nothing and then turn around and act like it never happened just to ask for my help again. If it's mental illness, you could at least apologize, but no. Nothing ever seems to be your fault. You never see how you could possibly be in the wrong. Don't stay up until it's time for you to leave and wonder why you're tired, stressed, and sickly. Don't keep hanging out with bad people and wonder why all of you keep getting into trouble, getting arrested, and fighting each other. Don't be overly demanding of your partners, walk all over them, act like you're better than them, constantly catch an attitude with them over nothing, start arguments over tiny things, and verbally assault them and then wonder why none of your partners are what you want them to be or why your relationships keep failing. Don't run around the house, stomping, blaring music, screaming in party chat, cackling, and singing at the top of your lungs at 3 am and then wonder why everyone is annoyed and glaring at you. Don't you DARE ask for divination constantly (once again for free) and then turn and tell me that my tools are "just a stupid necklace" or "just some dumb, cheap cards" after I get upset about being disrespected. Especially knowing full well that you've done much worse for much less.
Everyone is done with you. The person who was supposed to raise you had given up, so I will too. They weren't doing a good job in the first place, but everyone can only handle so much BS from one person. A lot of the problems in your life are entirely your fault, yet you never believe you're in the wrong, no matter how many times I not only try to warn you and help to prevent these things, but also help you pick up the peices afterwards. I'm done with you. I have no more sympathy left for you. The next time you drink to much, I'm doing the bare minimum. If you're not dying, piss off. The next time you smoke too much or smoke something too strong, I'm not helping you. The most I can do is call and ambulance. The next time you threaten to end it, I'm calling an ambulance. You don't want to be sent to the psych ward, but you definitely need it. It's not because of most of these complaints either. You genuinely need someone to keep you from hurting yourself.
I hope to get away from you soon and never have to speak to you again. Every little thing you do just wears away my nerves. You like to switch up and treat people like dirt whenever your friends are around. Your voice is so loud and grating, yet you don't care that you're bothering people. You're always touching someone or their belongings without permission, no matter how many times they tell you to stop. You only care about anything or anyone when it's your partner. You'll cook a whole continental breakfast for them but won't clean up your mess. Then, you go and waste food. They never eat it and you usually throw it away. YOU'VE HARASSED AND ABUSED THE FAMILY PETS and then you wondered why they don't like you. You acted like you hated me ever time your crush or your little friends came over. You've talked shit about me within earshot, and women me up by harassing with because you thought it was hilarious. Don't forget about the time you went in my room to steal my stuff and hide it, or how you read my diary and tried to run off with it. I only hope that you stop acting like this. If you keeps this up, I hope you get what you deserve. You can run away if you want, but it won't have the effect you think it will. Someone will miss you, but it won't be me.
In short, you make my ass itch.
I've decided Im done trying to pursue internet success. my motivation to create is once again approaching all time lows, and frankly I could never try to keep up with drawing regularly now that I have a 2-11 job I work almost everyday.