When The Significantly Older Guy In My Dms Gives Me More Attention And Reassurance Than My Boyfriend??

When the significantly older guy in my dms gives me more attention and reassurance than my boyfriend??

Like, he just asked how I am and called me pretty, the bar is not that high😭

Am I on 5 different medications and sick?

Yes.

Am I on my way to my boyfriend to get black-out drunk?

Also yes.

My lifestyle is so healthy, yippee!!

I'm cold. It's so cold.

Why can't I be with him? Why can't I feel safe and warm? Why can't I kiss him? Why can't I fall asleep next to him?

My heart longs for him, my soul misses his touch.

Fuck this.

I don't know what to say, it's just like, I need someone to talk to again. I want my best friend back.

I want to tell him everything again. I need him right now. Like, I told him everything and he told me everything, we were happy-ish.

But now I have to talk to fucking Tumblr to feel like anyone even listens.

I want someone to listen.

And like, honestly, I am close to just texting someone who hurt me so much, and that I broke contact with after he did that, but he at least listened.

He drove 4 hours to me. He texted me. He was there.

And yes, he hurt me so much, he gave me nightmares and I shaved my head because of him, but still.

I just want someone to love me and listen and stuff?

Is that to much?

Me telling myself that I feel good if I just eat less, loose more calories and feel the burning in my stomach constantly, knowing full well that it's a lie.

I miss him. So much.

It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.

I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.