I've Been Placed In The Open Ward, Fuck Yesssss

I've been placed in the open ward, fuck yesssss

Not under surveillance 24/7 anymore, let's fucking gooooo!

Tw: sh

Guess who just got broken up with and is on his way to the hospital to get stitches??

Yesss, you're right, it's meee!

All I want is to be loved. To have him cradle me in his arms. To lay my head on his chest and listen go his heartbeat. To braid his hair and kiss his nose.

My heart breaks because I can't be with him.

I am always the second choice.

Always.

For ever everyone else will be chosen before me. Everyone else is better.

Why can't someone choose me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Someone please love me like I love them.

Please?

I miss him.

But not because I still love him, but because I could trust him. Because he made me feel safe.

He is the first and only person I ever told everything to.

And today when I had flashbacks and a panic attack, all I wanted was him to hold me.

Because to me he means safety and trust.

Still.

Even if he is not here anymore.

Am I still in love with him or do I just love him now?

I don't know...

It still hurts to think of what we had and how it all ended.

But I still for sure love him, as a person, as a friend, as someone who I trust.

But am I still in love with him??

I don't know, I don't think so. Not like I was.

I am a little bit in love with everyone who I ever was in love with.

They stay a part of me, but I think that's all. I think I'm not in love with him anymore.

I want things to be normal between us again. To be friends, joke around, tell secrets, drink and laugh and cry and cuddle.

Just that.

I really really want him back, as a friend.