Fucking Here We Go Again.

Fucking here we go again.

Choked

It occurred to me recently that if I was still with him I would never have been able to take this job. 

I work weekends and incredibly long hours some days. It's not a dream job or the end game, but it is definitely a very useful stepping stone.

He would not have cared about that. He would have looked at the hours and told me I couldn't take it.  Then he would have scolded me for not progressing. 

He wanted the tree to blossom but kept poisoning the roots.

Catch 22

"You can't find a decent paying job with your degree? I fucking told you not to go to university."

"You don't actually look though, you just pretend. You think Im stupid and will fall for your bullshit."

"I'm not like your parents and everyone else that fall for your sob stories. You're just fucking lazy."

"I told you to go into nursing. Why don't you ever fucking listen?!"

"Your degree is a joke. You told me when we met you wanted to go to law school. You mislead me."

"No you can't go back to school. You wasted enough of my fucking time."

“FIND A DECENT FUCKING JOB YOU USELESS CUNT!!!”

Cptsd fun.

i basically assume that people don’t like me unless they explicitly tell me they like me and then periodically remind me

I can't tell if my survivorness has made me over vigilant or if there actually a red flag. A woman on my facebook was tagged by her SO.

What do you see?

When I met him, he lived with his folks in one of the small towns just outside of the city in which I live. It's a pretty cute town, but as you can imagine, I have some complicated feelings toward it.

Yesterday I spent some time there reading by the water. I've decided I will make peace with it. I will also spend time there, if I please, and not cower away from the prospect of running in to his parents or his sisters.

I am not ashamed, and I will not hide.