Again....too Tired To Cut

Again....too tired to cut

Especially when your younger cousins start asking: "do you have a husband? You are old enough to be married already."

I'm fucking 19 !

When I told them that I am not old enough to get married they changed their tactic.

"Then you should at least have a fiancé."

Geez ... I've been single since day one.... find me a boyfriend then we will talk about fiancé...

Is it even worth it ?

Is trying worth anything ?

Is trying harder worth ?

Will trying change anything ?

Will any effort change anything ?

Probably not....

Then why try ?

Why put any kind of effort when other side does nothing in return ? When other side puts no fucking effort.

Is living worth it ?

Is death worth it ?

Is love worth it ?

Is anything worth anything ?

Yesterday I relapsed after 4 fucking months....

Promises are made to be broken, right ?

I just realized that my "parents", especially my "dad", 'trained' me....

The front doors open, I run downstairs

They call my name, I run downstairs or to them without any questions

Whatever they say, I agree and nod

They trained me really good so if someone in the future decides to make me their dumb puppy know that I am already well-trained, just change some commands

I have this weird observation (that might sound a bit selfish and narcissistic) that people who somehow spend some time with me open up to me....

Like we could be drinking coffee and this person start talking about their childhood out of nowhere

My driving teacher yesterday started talking about why he thinks people don't appreciate driving teachers and why they should have bigger payment and what he does for his students...he sounded like he was letting all those thoughts and emotions out

I don't mind it tho....I feel kinda needed at moments like that, that people somehow trust me