Anxiety Struggles - Tumblr Posts

Is it just me or does everyone with high social anxiety stop hearing properly in scary settings and hence have to lipread or ask them to repeat their words again

today was a high anxiety day for me and I've been fighting tears. I wanted to make a list of things I am grateful for lately to help.

☆ food we got from the truck yesterday (mainly flour to make desserts with)

☆ our youngest dog calming down and not being as reactionary as he used to be

☆ new friend I made at church and her familly being welcoming and loving

☆old church friend I have been able to reconnect with

☆ the beautiful area I get to live in

☆ bugs

☆ my good and caring pcp who was able to get me a higher dose of my medicine

☆ how much progress I've made with my struggles

☆my sister letting me use her computer to play minecraft

Unpopular opinion, but amusement park workers who pretend the ride is broken before starting it are the worst people. The fact that I have been able to keep my anxiety under control long enough to step on the ride is a miracle, please do not ruin it for me by telling me I'm about to die, because THATS WHAT IM ALREADY FUCKING AFRAID OF! Like I get you wanna be 'haha funny' but it's actually just making me unable to enjoy any amusement park rides that I have barely gotten up the courage to on in the first place

The stress of posting a story is still weighing on me and on this particular day, I'm feeling it in the form of restlessness.

Even though I am knee deep in Tears of the Kingdom, it can't occupy me 24/7.... Well-

Anyways, in an attempt to calm myself, I'm gonna talk about my new story so I don't feel overwhelmed with not doing anything.

So, 👏, the name is normalities, I'm posting it on Wattpad (check it out here) and it's a coming of age, romance with an anxious girl who's trying to understand why she stands out so much when she finds herself no different than anyone else.

I don't know if I'll do this for every chapter, but I wanted to talk about why I wrote the story/chapter since there's always some big reason behind anything I do.

In this case, I decided to write normalities because it's very rare for media to get anxiety right. While there is no "correct" way to write anxiety, as it's different from person to person, most shows and movies have anxiety as the person who passes out when faced with a difficult situation. While that can happen, most people who have anxiety just wouldn't show up somewhere if they felt that stressed about it. At least, I wouldn't.

So, I wanted this story to better represent an anxious individual, to see the spectrum of how it can present itself. It's also to showcase that it's not simply "get over it" to overcome anxiety and it also doesn't get solved in one day after a inspirational speech lol.

The friend she makes is also very important. It's to give an example of how to respond to someone who has anxiety. Again, it's different from every person, but I tend to be more receptive when someone is patient and understanding. When someone realizes I talk like a cynic because I'm thinking of the worst case possible, and they don't take offense to my words, I'm the most calm.

In my experience, I overthink someone's reaction to what I'm going to say, but if I can voice my concerns and not hear "that's not going to happen, calm down" then that's all I can ask for.

I really enjoyed writing this whole story, but very specifically certain parts later in the story. Getting to write a character who actually shares my concerns and irrational worries was something I never thought I'd do!

Oh, and if anyone does check it out, for one thank you and I hope you enjoy reading ❤; but, while it is done, it's pretty much just a 1st draft. So feel free to leave some constructive criticism because I didn't have it beta read and there may be some things that are major issues. I wouldn't be opposed to editing them even after it's published.

But, I'll thank anyone who read this whole post!

Check out the story if you want!

So, chapter 2 is out and this time I wanted to talk about the cover.

This is actually my 3rd favorite cover I've made.

Originally, it was going to be the main characters, but I can't really draw and couldn't handle the embarrassment of what I actually came up with 🤙

So, instead, I made this! I was thinking it could be seen as the "what do you seen in the black and white blot" test, but I made it to be a representation of the two characters and their personality/feelings.

Why it's in black and white has to do with the theme.

I didn't want to go with the gray area because the MCs aren't changing, they're allowing themselves to be who they are in a world of black and white.

Personally, trying to change who I am so people will like me or want to be my friend has never really worked, so I wanted to make a story based on that feeling. The feeling that you'll never have friends just because of who you are, but you don't want to, or shouldn't, change who you are. It's meant to be uplifting and give people the sense that there's no need to change yourself just to make friends.

Oh man, for some reason I got cold feet trying to post this chapter to the Discord server I'm in. That feeling of intimidation came over me and more or less I felt the exact way Cassie does in this chapter.

Sometime I managed to convince myself maybe I just self-diagnosed myself and I don't actually have anxiety, but then stuff like this happens and my hands start shaking and my heartbeat is through the roof...

I'm just gonna go play totk to calm down. We all know I won't stop thinking about this though.

I want to express how annoying overthinking is. For anyone who needs it, no matter what you did today I'm proud of you.

I keep telling myself I was unproductive because I didn't write and all I did was research publishing houses and now in the dead of night I'm like thinking how ridiculous my brain sounds.

Like, doing the research to find a publisher is a lot of teidious work.

Wanting to get your work to millions of people who will rip it to shreds is a weight bigger than the moon.

Anything where you got up and said you were gonna do something is a harder feat than most imagine. Because at least you can say you did something. Even if that something was nothing, you did nothing and you got through the day.

Little wins.

For anyone feeling down today/tonight I wanna tell you that we're doing alright and we're gonna do alright tomorrow too.

I think I opted against posting this because I was "happy" for a time, but for me, that never lasts and most the time it's never even real.

It's all just...

Motionless

Sometimes, I feel motionless and it is something I wish would never leave.

Other times, I feel motionless and want it to go away, to never return to me.

I don't control either of these feelings, but they show how I'm feeling better than I could ever explain.

Sometimes, I'm motionless and everything stops. My fears, stress, and anxiety all stop.

Almost as if whatever I was dealing with has ran its course and is behind me.

Other times, I feel motionless like the world is trapping me in my worries and the future I know nothing about.

Feeling motionless is something I wish would happen more often, but I also wish to cease as well.

I try not to take this for granted. The feeling that I need to stop and pause because there's no rush to get to the end. I should take my time and just be motionless when I need to.

That feeling that the next second I waste doing nothing is only trapping me in my difficult moments. That staying still will only be my downfall.

No matter which one passed my night away, it's happening to remind me of the things that are gone and the things that will come.

This post helped me in the past, I hope it can help you too!

Might come in handy. Whoever posted this, THANKS A LOT!