Always Alone - Tumblr Posts
I guess people don't want to message me back and talk with me.
I want somebody to love me the way i am. Everyone are in relationships and there's me, alone like always.
Realmente me hace falta alguien con quien hablar, pero siento que no ayudaría en nada si sigo llorando...
-. Luhana✨[14/12]✨
Tengo ganas de volver a hablar con ella, pero no es sano para mi hacerlo, solo lloraría más de lo que ya lo hago...
-. Luhana✨[14/12]✨
Escribir y pensarte mientras lágrimas salen una tras otra es tan doloroso que no me siento capaz de nada...
-. Luhana✨[14/12]✨
Me dijiste que sea feliz y que busque mi felicidad, pero cómo puedo ser feliz si no te tengo...
-. Luhana ✨[21/12]✨
"espero tengas una bonito cumpleaños" y lo único que quiero que me digan es: "Eres fuerte y esto es solo un día más, no estés triste"
Luhana ✨[30/06]✨
Lo único que quería hoy era una abrazo y que me digan que todo estará bien...
Luhana ✨[30/06]✨
Quiero escribirte, pero mi orgullo de hacerlo impide que lo haga y queda esa esperanza a que tú lo hagas en algún momento...
- Luhana ✨[02/07]✨
How it feels when no one from your small friend circle comes to school
So sometimes I feel so bad that I just wanna write a story about it.
In this case, it's about something that happened recently that I kind of want to add to normalities (some story I wrote).
You see, I'm friendless and have never had a true friend who just cares about me. I don't know if it's me or the world, but either way I'm in the group of people who always feels left out.
So, you have no idea how happy I was when 3 years ago I made a friend who had similar interests, hobbies, and was willing to hear me and my boring ass out.
However, that seemingly ended about a month ago now. Here I am really thinking it's my fault we fell out of our friendship, but I have to keep telling myself that it's not me.
Outside of our shared interests, we weren't on the same wavelength. I'm an introvert who needs to be alone every once and a while and he was more amibverted who liked being around people and talking for hours out of the day.
Even though we were both into video games, I happened to love the LoZ. He didn't. He loved Mario and I'm not the biggest Mario player.
Then there was the issue of my biggest hobby. Writing.
Sigh
You know, sometimes I hate writing because everyone is very intimidated by it. Either because they see it as a "difficult" hobby to be into or they simply don't want to care about a story you got at 3 in the morning.
In this case, I could tell I was pushing my hobby onto him and at some point I disliked talking to him because it always felt like I had to suppress my hobby to not annoy him.
I actually really do hate that I tend to people please. I never say what's on my mind and I instead proactively act different to be sure there's no discourse.
Again, I can see some of my issues and it's impossible to change myself. But it really hurts when you can never find anyone even close to the way you think act or feel.
Years and years have gone by and all of my friends have left me because I was too boring, I stopped being useful to them, or I simply couldn't be a friend to someone who doesn't care.
I'm just venting because I'm always in my feels at night.
I think I opted against posting this because I was "happy" for a time, but for me, that never lasts and most the time it's never even real.
It's all just...
Motionless
Sometimes, I feel motionless and it is something I wish would never leave.
Other times, I feel motionless and want it to go away, to never return to me.
I don't control either of these feelings, but they show how I'm feeling better than I could ever explain.
Sometimes, I'm motionless and everything stops. My fears, stress, and anxiety all stop.
Almost as if whatever I was dealing with has ran its course and is behind me.
Other times, I feel motionless like the world is trapping me in my worries and the future I know nothing about.
Feeling motionless is something I wish would happen more often, but I also wish to cease as well.
I try not to take this for granted. The feeling that I need to stop and pause because there's no rush to get to the end. I should take my time and just be motionless when I need to.
That feeling that the next second I waste doing nothing is only trapping me in my difficult moments. That staying still will only be my downfall.
No matter which one passed my night away, it's happening to remind me of the things that are gone and the things that will come.
As much as I don't wanna write this, I just need to get it out somewhere...
I do struggle with love. Both in loving myself and anyone else. I want affection just like everyone else, but it doesn't come to me. When it does, it's fleeting and I'm unsure if it will ever remain.
Maybe I haven't actually learned to love myself, but I don't know what else there is to love. I've learned to love what others see, I've embraced the darker parts of myself, and want to improve myself always. I don't know how more self-love I can give.
I want something I can't give myself.
And it hurts to think I'll always only love myself and no one will feel the same.
Oh Loki, the irony... I'm still crying. 💚🖤💛
Guess there won't be a 3rd season after all.