Hard Life - Tumblr Posts
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All of that right there.....above.....is something I wrote to my now ex as we were calmly discussing what happened between us and why I made the decision I did. And out of nowhere my mind goes in suuuuper deep and I came up with this metaphor to describe myself when it came to him. The more I go back and reread it the more it saddens me. And I feel depressed. Because it forces me to unintentionally think about my past relationships before him. And the fact this applies to AAAAALL my past relationships! This is how everyone treated me. I'm now believing that I was NOT cut out for the whole "so called love" thing because I see a pattern in all my relationships. Different faces, names, backgrounds childhood, life story and lifestyle....the end result once they became an adult remains the same. I was rejected by all of them regardless of how good I was to them. It wasn't enough, they were broken people. And acted like they didn't want the help to heal, they acted like they didn't want to get themselves right so they can be happy and enjoy life with me. So they ran. But I was the shiny new toy they didn't know how to take care of and handle properly. It's sad right?
Reality
5 of us. Childhood. Happiness. Smiles.
Then we grew up. We lost the magic. I kept looking for it. I kept looking. But it was already lost.
I lost my mind, trying to understand others'. My soul fell back, trying to raise others'.
She died. I kept watching.
He fell into depression. I kept watching.
She killed herself. I kept watching.
You walked away. I came back to reality. But too late, isn't it?
song of the summer???
I love hard life (formerly known as easy life)
I think I opted against posting this because I was "happy" for a time, but for me, that never lasts and most the time it's never even real.
It's all just...
Motionless
Sometimes, I feel motionless and it is something I wish would never leave.
Other times, I feel motionless and want it to go away, to never return to me.
I don't control either of these feelings, but they show how I'm feeling better than I could ever explain.
Sometimes, I'm motionless and everything stops. My fears, stress, and anxiety all stop.
Almost as if whatever I was dealing with has ran its course and is behind me.
Other times, I feel motionless like the world is trapping me in my worries and the future I know nothing about.
Feeling motionless is something I wish would happen more often, but I also wish to cease as well.
I try not to take this for granted. The feeling that I need to stop and pause because there's no rush to get to the end. I should take my time and just be motionless when I need to.
That feeling that the next second I waste doing nothing is only trapping me in my difficult moments. That staying still will only be my downfall.
No matter which one passed my night away, it's happening to remind me of the things that are gone and the things that will come.
Gem.
GEM
GEMINITAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!
GEMINSLAY IN LIFE SERIES????????? OMG OMG OMG