Bipolor - Tumblr Posts
is it really?
Bipolar life. Doesn't help I'm not doing much to prevent it. Slipping into hypomania, if i'm not already there. Let me live in my head okahhhh.
Day 17, Someone on my instagram requested a drawing of Bipolar disorder. Honestly this isn’t my favourite and I’m sorry but I tried. The 3 things around the kid is supposed to be mania, psychosis and depression (in order from left to right) the main difference phases of bipolar
In an interesting way bipolar people are amazing people in my opinion. Despite the drama and heavy emotion they bring they always have such a bright light to them.
Manic episodes are such an experience because it's like
"Wow I feel so good right now. I don't think I've ever felt this good in my entire life like watch this I bet I can do a perfect backflip- No I've never tried to do a backflip before but that doesn't matter because I am amazing I am just so good like I can see it perfectly in my head"
"hmmm that doesn't seem right... When's the last time you took your medication?"
"Oh well um I ran out a couple days ago but I feel better now so like I'm probably cured"
no because buck was so clearly bpd splitting in 7x04 like. he saw eddie his FAVOURITE PERSON giddy about someone else, hanging out with someone else, someone who was NOT HIM, and he flipped 180° like. it made him absolutely fucking insane, deranged. turned him against his best friend. body slammed eddie to the fucking ground. almost broke his damn leg. and like, when asked "on purpose?" his response was "i don't know." why? because he doesn’t understand why he reacts so extremely to the things he does. he doesn't KNOW eddie is his favourite person or WHY so he can't comprehend that his almost fucking maiming him was him splitting because eddie was giving the attention he exclusively gives to him to someone else. like, he's in love love. and he reacted like that because well. he doesn't GET IT. the love or the bpd.
Dear Guardian Angel,
My gums are bleeding
I still haven't eaten
Do you pity me?
Please don't
I do this to myself
I self sabotage when things get better and act like it's the end of the world
I dug my own grave
Do you feel anything at all…
You were assigned to me
I'm sorry
My observer
For all the things you've seen
For all my thoughts you hear
For all the words I utter
And still I hope you can see that this is not truly me
I am is whatever I've seen on tv
I'm a chameleon
I put on a new mask and change it when it cracks
I'm lost
Who am I?
I’m gone
Or am I just done
Sitting with my thoughts alone
In this empty home
Father ignores and mothers on the other side of the world
I'm sure you already know
I mean you know me better than me
Stuck in my apocalypse
Hollow, dark, empty, incomplete, disguised, loveless
Distorted with the painful echo of my screams and cries.
Begging for an escape from my capturer
Me.
So I've been super super anxious lately. Started a new job, went back to school after summer break. And now I'm not eating. Less in a purposeful way, but more in a im not hungry and I don't know what to do about it way. I need help. But I have no idea what to do. I can't go to inpatient hospitalization because I'll probably lose my job. And I can't miss school. But everything is getting so difficult. And I'm so lost and so confused. If you have any advice, please share. I could really use it.
I feel the mania setting in today.🙃🙃🙃
The thing I know about Bipolar Disorder is that it's a label. One you give crazy people. Labels like 'Bipolar' say this is why you are the way you are. This is who you are. They explain people away as an illness.
All The Bright Places (Pg. 271-271)
Unsure if I’m missing out on something or just missing something
Pretty sure I’m splitting on a friend. But if it’s for my own good is it technically splitting??
My manic, right now, feels… very normal. And now I am second-guessing if I am actually bipolar or if self diagnosed to BPD is in my head. Like maybe I'm just a normal person that sometimes gets very depressed and doesn't know how to handle it.
I recently heard a story about a diagnosed BPD patient and it seems so far off from me but not really. Like the more extreme version of what I go through every day. Granted they were on drugs very heavily but still…
Like I have a more tame version of BPD… BPD Lite™️ if you will lol.
Or maybe I just want it to be BPD because it's "cool" and not just Bipolar II. Obviously I know there's nothing cool about being borderline. And obviously I'm a phony.
I don't know I just feel like a different person every day and I feel like I've been a fake version of normal for a couple of months. But it feels great to be “normal”.
Maybe it's the lack of drugs. I'm almost certain the lack of drugs is what makes my mental health a little bit more stable.
Maybe my mental health really just depends on what is going on with my life. What mental illness is that?? Or is that even mental illness?
I wonder if narcissism affects how BPD presents itself in a person. I feel like that's the case for me. Like I have a little bit more control over it or like it's a lot easier to mask to other people.
Boy oh boy am I spilling my guts lol. I may delete this eventually maybe I will regret this when I'm famous. Or maybe this will be relatable to someone. I'm 30 so who really cares at this point lol. But I do very much care about what people think of me so maybe I will delete this tomorrow. For now I'll keep this up… This is just a very odd stream of thoughts I guess.
Enjoy my tumblr post I guess
I don’t want you back; it just makes me mad to think about how you broke us
✨🧚♀️ Who else has to live with an overly paranoid bipolar mother? 💗💞
I'm bipolar and it's that time of the year where I get suicidal so maybe stay off my blog if this is something that triggers u
Slow down there (Degrassi)
Imagine: Being on the verge of a break down and Craig Manny see's the sings and tries to help.
Degrassi is the school y/n has been going to for the past 2 months and she is still not too
sure what to make of it yet aside from the fact it's full of way too much drama!
Y/n tried to keep to herself for the most part with the exception of Spinner Mason and
Craig Manny. Spinner Mason may be a little attractive ,lets put that aside for a min. because
he is somewhat obnoxious, he is not stupid but I think he chooses to just shut his brain off,
he does seem to be a good friend to have and when it comes to y/n he does bug her a lot
and she's slowly getting over it and warming up to him which he can see he's breaking down
some of that stone wall of her's but he does realize it's going to a lot more to bring down those
walls of her's.
That's where Craig Manny comes into the picture. Craig and y/n mostly talked or just sat
together out of conveyance,comfort, and familiarity. Y/n her 4th day at Degrassi had held
whiteness to an episode of Craig's one of his bipolar episodes, y/n was not aware of Bipolar
before that day.
*Flashback 1 month and 3 weeks*
I'm not sure I really want to walk through these damn doors again thought y/n
"I could ditch, or hide out somewhere tell schools over" y/n whispered to herself as fellow class
mates passed and shoved there way into the building. She gave in and decided to be good
and get it over with, as she rounded the corner she heard some banging, y/n looked down the
hall to see this tall guy with curly hair hitting his locker and class mats just passed or pointed
and talked shit to whoever they were with at the time. Y/n not sure if she should approach
or mind her own business started to walk towards him without a second thought.
Y/n stepped up to his left side "Slow down there, your going to break you're hand" she said
with a small smirk on her heart shaped face. Craig stopped for a split second to look
at who was talking to him , when he looked at her e/c he was taken back by the
concern in them . Y/n looked at his locker maybe he can't get it open she thought
so she tried again she pulled him away from the locker and walked up to it
looking back at him "Can you not get it open or something"? she asked looking
back to the locker trying to unjam it seeing if that's the problem. Craig was starting to
calm down and spoke up " It's fine" he said to her . Y/n looked at him happy he stared
talking but confused by what he said, and he obviously saw the confusion because
he followed up with " the locker is fine, I was just .... pissed and needed something to hit ". he
stated. Y/n understood that feeling all to well she got it , she looked around the hall
it had gotten more crowded, screw it she thought and with that she turned around and
punched his locker as hard as she could and Craig was taken by surprise by her action
with a laugh he asked her " why did you just punch my locker?" he asked . Y/n smiled
at him feeling better herself after hitting his locker , she noticed Craig was looking
uncomfortable all of a sudden. "you okay there?" she asked him. the only thing he said was
"Once people think you're crazy, I think they just think about that" he said looking around the
hall. Y/n felt bad hearing this , she didn't find him crazy so what he punched the hell out of his
locker big deal that doesn't make you crazy! Y/n put a hand on his shoulder "I'm Y/n and I don't
find you crazy" she said to him. and that's what kicked off their beautifully odd friendship.
*end of flashback*
It was now Y/n who unknowing to her who was having a break down.
Craig could see that , that's why he's been more on top of her lately
Y/n didn't think anything of it even though it was hard not to notice how he was always by her
side as of late. It was lunch now and y/n was just dropping off some books in her locker
when Jay passed right into her pushing her more into her locker "Oh didn't see you there
casper" he said with a grin on his stupid face. Craig saw what had just happened and before he
could stop himself had Jay up on the wall and hit him one good time and then made his way
over to where y/n was still standing at her locker with her back to everyone with clinched fist
wanting to scream from Jay and his actions so she started to hit her locker.
Craig came up to y/n side "Hey calm down y/n" he said putting his hand on her shoulder to get
her attention. Y/n felt Craig's hand and started to slow her breathing down, Craig came closer to
y/n side resting his head next to her's on the locker "Slow down there, it's going to be okay" he
said to her she tilted her head to look at him "I'm fine as long as you stay by me" she said with a look of sadness.
TW: Can you make a spider noir x goth coquette reader? And where the read struggles with a ED/paranoia and maybe SH/thoughts of it. And maybe put in there they have bpd/other mental disorders that cause the thoughts for it….that’s all I got off the top of my head but you can add other stuff if you want I just want comfort angst based off what I’m going through rn
If you need help or someone to talk to I'm here :)
Also TW!! To people who won't be able to handle topics like these don't read and if you do I'm not responsible for anything.
Spiderman Noir x goth! reader
Peter watched as you giddily put on your outfit. Your clothes were different from what he knew it that's what he loved about you. You didn't fit in the social norms and had your own sense of style. He found your outfits to be gorgeous and loved seeing you dressed up.
He planned on taking you to a nice restaurant. There was no reason he just wanted to take you somewhere nice. He wanted to see you smile. When you were finished with getting all dolled up he grabbed you by your waist and pulled you in close.
"You always look so good all dolled up" he said and eyes you up and down slowly to take in everything. You smiled and lightly shoved his shoulder "So I don't look nice when I'm not dressed up?" You teasingly said which clearly made him choke and fumble over his words. "That's not what I meant you always look nice I just love when you put on your gothic outfits" you giggle and roll your eyes and place a kiss on his cheek. "Let's for we don't wanna be late for our reservation"
-----
You both sat at the table and conversed in conversation. Everything was lively and light and you felt good. Then when you got your food everything crashed and spiraled for you. You felt eyes on you everywhere it felt like everyone was watching you eat. Deep down you knew it wasn't true but the thoughts clouded your mind.
You took and bite of your food and you were visibly tense and your hands were clammy. You felt like throwing up the pressure you felt was heavy. The stares felt like heavy weights on your back. You covered your mouth and nervously looked around. No one was looking at you but the stares didn't go away. Peter noticed something was up and looked at you with worry. "Are you okay?" He asked
Your head snapped at him and you nervously fidgeted. "Y-yeah I just uh" you swallowed nervously and fidgeted uncomfortably "I'm gonna use the bathroom.." you said an stood up and walked away. You brought your arms to your chest and picked up your pace. People looked at you with harsh stares and disgust. You felt like crying and you practically slammed the door to the bathroom open. You rushed into a stall and let tears slide down your cheeks.
You brought your fists to your head and started to punch your self. "Stupid stupid stupid..." You mumbled and let out a choked sob. You felt overwhelmed and you couldn't process anything. Your vision blurred and your thoughts raced. Why were you crying? You had nothing to be upset about no one was watching you. But Peter was... he probably thinks your fat. You did order a lot and compared to him your a log while he's a stick. Yeah.. he's probably judging you probably grossed out. Before you could process it your fingers were shoved down your throat, making you gag and your dinner came hurling out.
You saw the vomit sitting in the toilet and you grew disgusted with yourself. You hated yourself for doing this but at the same time it's the only way for you not the be fat. Your fingers found there way into you that again and you threw up more vomit. And you repeated it again and again until you felt like passing out. You couldn't produce anymore tears and the old ones dried up. You slowly blinked and looked down at your pathetic form. You felt sorry for yourself, your fingers wet and sticky, your throat sore and stomach aching. Your limbs felt numb and you adverted your eyes to the wrists. They were decently healed, in he past you cut and scratched yourself but Peter helped you. He was by your side and supported you and got you help. You felt like crying again just thinking about Peter. Your slowly got up and flushed the toilet. You went to the sink and washed your hands. You looked in the mirror and saw the mess that was yourself. Your makeup was ruined and running down your face and your hair was a little messed up.
You walked out walking slowly because your legs felt like the could give out any minute. Your vision was a bit blurry and it felt like everything was spinning. You made it to the table and Peter took one look at you and was worried sick. "What happened and you alright?" He asked his vice full of panic and you looked at him with a blank look. You fell in his arms "Can we leave please?" You said in a cracked voice "Yeah of course..." he mumbled and held you. He grabbed your waist and lead you out of the restaurant.
He picked you up in his arms and and whispered little words of affirmation to you. You cling to him and just closed your eyes listening to his voice. He rushed to your little shared apartment.
He placed you on the bed and laid next you. "What's wrong? Why did you cry? Are you okay?" He asked. You slowly turned towards him and curled into a ball next to him. "I- I'm having these thoughts again...I you don't think I'm fat right? You think my bodyweight is normal and-" you whispered and cut yourself before you broke down again. Peters eyes widen and he held you in his arms. "No I don't think your fat your perfect the way you are and it's okay if your having thoughts again, I'll always be by your side. I'll never leave you I promise, I'm going to take care of you" he said
You tightened your grip on his vest and buried your face in his chest. You let your tears fall free again and he felt his best getting soaked but he didn't care. He held you firm against him and whispered sweet nothings in your ear to try to comfort you. Peter rubbed your back with one hand gently and kissed the top of your head. "It's gonna be alright I promise"