Hachetverse - Tumblr Posts
Rewatching Nightmare Time and listing things that aren't appreciated enough (2)
Forever and Always
The fact that at least this version of Hidgens can legal officiate weddings.
Sylvia, seriously, we need to talk about this character more.
The shitty fan metaphor.
Paul refuses to live a life without cheese.
"It's the cheapest place in town without bed bugs, it wasn't rocket science, Ema."
"She doesn't love you!" "WHO KNOWS I JUST MET HIM, HE SEEMS ALRIGHT!"
Corey, on mute, dabbing his eye with a hankie at the ending like he did at the beginning.
Time Bastard
Hidgens is in some way utensiphilic and has somehow had relations with Siri, also, this was enough to make TED uncomfortable.
Jeff being the best Tinky (fight me)
The fact that the future CCRP never considered the fact that people would want to screw a perfectly obedient artificial humanoid that could look like anyone (This might actually be the most unrealistic Hatchetfield thing ever)
Joey's overall extra hammy performance this episode.
Nick's unique ending narration that almost gives the vibe that Tinky is the one telling the story.
Why I, as a Serbian Starkid fan, DESPISE the messaging of Black Friday
So, let me get something straight right off the bat, I'm not saying Black Friday is a bad musical, it isn't, but it has a message that, as far as I'm concerned, is outright factually wrong and delivers it an a maddeningly heavy handed way.
The Serbian part comes from the fact that my cultural background also means that I love Capitalism more than life itself, to the point where I starting to non-ironically consider it my religion.
So, the whole idea of Black Friday is what you have doesn't truly impact what makes you happy and ultimately isn't worth nearly as much as society says. The classic "money can't buy happiness" horse shit I'm sick to death of.
No, money doesn't buy you happiness, it's a symbol of the choice that you, as a participant of a Capitalistic system by the way, have in what you own and for what reason. In other words, money is how you get things, which enable you to have a broader range of experiences for both yourself and the people you care about.
Ironically, a plush toy might actually be the best example of why CAN in effect buy happiness. A plushie is something harmless and pleasant that can provide a physical sense of comfort for a child, help them develop when used in play, help build a parent-child bond, and as time passes, it becomes a monument to all the positive experiences had with it.
The second message is a slight undercurrent of "if you don't go out of your way to do good, you're doing bad", sure the show doesn't say it, but the way they handle Linda and Sherman makes this stance clear. This is another example where my upbringing in Serbian culture exposes how wrong the message is, ultimately, your money, time and possessions are yours (so long as you live in a Capitalist system and actually own your property and ability to work) and so long as your staying in the confines of the law, you are doing no wrong and no one has the authority to justify making you feel guilty about it.
That one scene where Becky complains about Linda buying a spot in line makes my blood boil, if I could, I'd jump into Hachetfield and puree the sanctimonious nurse bitch's sanctimonious nurse bitch skull with by bear hands.
The common thread with both these issues is that it assume that the warm tingly feeling ideas are the right ones, but what's nice isn't necessarily good or smart. And as a result of this the characters it uses to represent the stances it disagrees with end up being the ones with more texture to their characters and the ones I get more interested in.
This is why the message of Black Friday amounts to a polished turd, the show does a very good job of presenting it's message, but that doesn't change the fact that said message is just a bad one that doesn't hold up to the scrutiny of being applied in real life.
So, I was pretty negative in my last post about Black Friday, so let's check out one more
So, understandably, most people think the sniggles moving Wiggly's tendrils is non-diegetic and a limitation of the props, but I have an alternate headcanon.
Some time ago, I heard about a story wherein the main characters enters a cave that acts a the domain for a slew of drastically varying demons. Their leader is larger than most and has eyelids made of stone, they're so heavy that he has two servants hold his eyes open for him.
I like to think there's something similar going on with Wiggly's true form. His tendrils are heavy enough that even the facial muscles of his extradimensional body can't lift them on their own, hence the sniggles doing so for him.
Hachetfield as reddit sleep talking
Rewatching Nightmare Time and listing things that aren't appreciated enough (3)
Jane's A Car
the opening music video, most of them are at least a little underrated, but this one is both a banger and hilarious
Jeff's literature professor character, who, as far as I'm concerned, after his treatment became the principal of Hachetfield High
All the double entendre in the first half of the story
The "Intimate" joke at the start, and also Paulkins
Call back to Santa Claus Is Goin' To High School
Tom actually gets it on with his possessed car, I know that's he joke, but we really should take a moment to process this fully.
The car puns from both Tom and Jane ("behind my back seat", "drives me crazy")
For that matter, the whole plot is a backseat driver joke
The way Jamie and Kim did that last line
The Witch In The Web
Pamela is an awful person but I commend her choice in men
The fact that the mantra of the Hachetmen is literally Sam Reimi's three laws of horror
Wiley's jacket is stolen from one of the alternate timeline Holloway's he's murdered
Willabella's monster form is likely a reference to the other mother from Coraline
The credits track is basically a distrack Webby wrote for her brothers
Rewatching Nightmare Time and listing things that aren't appreciated enough (4)
Honey Queen
Roman being a great villain
"You don't need him to cheat for you, you can cheat for yourself!" I love Gerald
Malone, seriously, how is this guy not more popular, a slovenly private detective played by Joey with a joisey accent? That's amazing!
The FOX news joke
Homeless Ted as "Mr. Broadly"
Honestly, all the songs.
Nick!Hidgens (Nick-dgens?)
Whatever the voice is Corey did for that audience member
Linda being the only person who can actually keep Hidgens in check.
"I'll kick his ass, you kick hers, love you" Have I mentioned that I love Gerald.
The quality of the twist reveal with Nibbly, seriously.
Rewatching Nightmare Time and listing things that aren't appreciated enough (5)
Perky's Buds
This is Grace's first on-screen appearance and it literally starts with her being sprayed with shit.
Gabe feels like he was also supposed to be NPMD somehow but got lost along the day in the writing room. And for as funny as it is, I wish Jeff got a bit more to do than cameo.
The Metzgers being one of the best examples of a horror hillbilly family. Especially Dylan as Bob
The fact Ziggy just refers to them as "those republicans"
"tig ol' bitties"
The fact that the plot is a marijuana themed retelling of Animal Farm.
The ending song showing that Ziggy is only good at traditional graphic design and not digital.
Abstinence Camp
How good Corey looks while smoking a cigar
"I'd like to have an intelligent conversation with you, in other words, shut up."
A classic decapitation-bate joke
"Well, if you two can't keep your hands to yourselves, I'll cut'em off!" We always talk about Boy Jerry's goofy threats but we don't talk about this enough
Pete owns a shake-weight
Ted's jazz mag saves the day, let that sink in.
Spankoffski nation come get your food!!!!
Since Tinky used visions of Jenny to manipulate Ted, he would take advantage of any timeline where Ted dies before Pete to create visions of Ted to manipulate Pete, or just torment him and drive him insane.
Have fun using this idea (:
Rewatching Nightmare Time and listing things that aren't appreciated enough (6)
Daddy
That last shot of the opening song where the care-bears turn in the Lords in Black, brilliant
They gave Frank a dog just to kill it, seriously, the fuck?
The brown and blue color pallet of Sherman's regular clothes actually working really well
How well they set up the in-universe toys as believable brands
Jaime being the goat this episode
Barry Swift manages to be developed past just The Man In A Hurry while still entirely revolving around being in a hurry (his ex-wife left him because he was in a rush to start a family, that's fucking amazing comedy writing)
Ted "Doomed by the goat's narrative" Spankoffski appearing just to die by several gunshots (one of which being to the nards)
The specific use of the phrase "inbred" to describe the Hachetmen who killed Sherman's father makes me think the Metzgers were directly involved.
Sherman's "I've outgrown you, mother" line is raw as fuck and a great climax for the reveal that he was more aware than anyone knew
Killer Track
Jae's performance as Kale
False Lashes needs to be another fandom in-joke
How good the black book prop is
Duke owns a cat, seriously, why does no one talk about this?
How damn cool the idea of a sentient, predatory sound is
"By popular demaaa-AA-aaa-AA-aand"
Kale's death, that was badass
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Yep, I'm doing this, do your best to put biases aside an dig deep to answer who would win in a fight to the death between the randomly chosen combatants in a scenario to match the random match up
Round 1
Bout 1
So, Mayor Lauter has just banned a brand of highly controversial toys that Sherman already has a complete set of. A full recall is being carried out, but Sherman isn't letting his collectibles go. He holds up in the Young mansion in a stand off until Solomon himself goes down to the mansion to sort it out, he forcefully enters and as soon as Sherman sees him, it's on!
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 2
The setup I'm getting here is that, Ted is in an off mood so calls in sick and spends all day in front of Inner Beauty Rhinoplasty trying to pick up every woman who goes in or out, but as one of the women is leaving and Ted puts on the Spankoffskit charm, Gerald also ducks out of the office to get some coffee and overhears Ted being gross, he goes "I'm not gonna let you treat my patients like that!", and just like that, it's on
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 3
Alright, the setup here is that, Sam needs something to get Charlotte off his back for a bit, so he thinks "I'll go to toy zone and get a crappy pink teddy bear to shut her up" an he picks one discounted bear out, but then at the counter Lex tells him the discount expired and the discount price tag should've been taken off, so Sam storms into Frank's office demanding they sell him the bear at the discounted price. Frank turns him down, Sam pulls out his gun...and realizes it's empty. He throws it Franks' way and it's on!
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 4
This is easily the hardest scenario I've had to come up with so far, but here goes. Dan is covering a the opening of a highly anticipated high-end establishment and interviewing people in the area about it, he starts interviewing Ruth but she misunderstands something he says and think she's been invited to dinner there by a mystery admirer, Dan makes the mistake of trying to clear up the misunderstanding which sends Ruth into a blind rage and it's on.
A bit different from my typical asks, but here’s a Hatchetfield idea that came to me during class.
Okay, so basically, an interaction I would like to see is Peter going to Ted for dating advice and revealing his crush on Steph. Naturally, Ted is his usual self and starts busting Pete’s balls… but then it dawns on him, Pete genuinely likes this girl and is actually coming to him for brotherly advice. It takes a minute to collect himself, but Ted thinks back on his past conquests, his repeated attempts at starting legitimate relationships, Jenny… and when he finally sort out his thoughts, he actually manages to muster up some sound advice and words of encouragement for his brother.
Honestly, this scenario could go any number of ways, but I keep coming back to the cruelly ironic idea that Ted, despite helping Peter, can’t take his own advice and falls back on his usual tendencies.
I’m sure other people have had the same/similar ideas, but I just thought I’d share my take on the matter.
Really like he idea that Ted, on some level, knows that his usual lessons and techniques aren't healthy, but still uses them.
I think this is because Ted doesn't consider himself worthy of happiness, even if he doesn't know the whole truth about Jenny, he still considers it his fault, so he punishes himself. In his own words from TGWDLM, he refuses to be happy.
Another thing that might play a role in this is Ted's religious beliefs, I'm serious. Ted is a Presbyterian and takes his religion at least seriously enough to refuse to die in another denomination's church. I know this was probably written as a joke, as in "haha, the horny asshole cares about religious minutia", but it's really interesting to me.
I almost wonder if Ted is trying to redeem himself in some roundabout way. His projection onto Bill in that infamous rant, the fact that in Black Friday he spends his last moments trying to bring some small comfort to Peter and Charlotte, the two people he cares about the most. There's something there, a want to do something good, and also a fear of making things worse again.
As you can probably tell, I ponder Ted a lot, and I really hope we see more of his relationship with Pete in the future.
I know most of this wasn't about the ask, but I just wanted to get some of these thoughts out.
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 5
Alright, so, Alice realizes it's almost father's day and decides to get a present for her dad, so she goes to...I don't know, Gift Zone and sees this little poster in the window for something she know Bill would love, she walks in and asks the obnoxious teen behind the counter about it and it turns out they only have one left, but then Barry, who's been waiting for a while for a line to clear, he also wants one, he wants to use it as an apology gift to make things right with his ex-wife Hellen. But Alice doesn't care and just like that, it's on.
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 6
This is one of the setups I actually thought about in advance. One day, Ema is tending to her weed, when Ziggy tells her there's a lawyer at the edge of the farm. When she gets there she's met by Gary Goldstein, attorney at law, he's there to serve her a lawsuit from an anti-marijuana group that just established a branch in Hachetfield. Ema takes the papers but spiteful pulls the manure-woodchipper trick on Gary, spraying him with shit. Unfortunately, Gary was wearing a brand new expensive suit and he's seeing red. He undoes his tie, wraps it around his head and it's on.
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 7
The setup I'm sensing here is that one of Richie body pillows has somehow Rube-Goldberged its way across town into the possession of Mr. Davidson, who is currently using it to practice confessing his deepest wish to Carol. Meanwhile, Richie does increasingly stupid shit in an effort to locate the stray body pillow and by pure chance stumbles in on Ken practicing his confession and it's on.
Ramses' wheel-generated Hachetfield deathmatch
Round 1
Bout 8 (final bout)
Out final match-up for the first round.
I think what happens here is that one day Grace gets home and mentions a scandalous encounter with a scrappy, college age faux-greaser offering to carry her books. Come a few days later, Karen encounters Ethan at a grocery store and he overs to help her reach something at the back of a tall shelf and when she gets a good look at him, she realizes he's the same guy Grace mentioned and it's on.