Jirai - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Do you think it's cute that I'm so fucking stupid? Tell me that it is, 'cos I'm tired of being useless.
Original image & lyric source
I'm in the middle. Jirai shouldn't be about embracing or celebrating self destruction. But that doesn't mean we should shun or neglect people that possess such darkness.
Jirai is about realising the beauty in darkness and learning to love yourself in spite of your flaws.
Don't explore an aesthetic and movement oriented around instability and false smiles pretending it's supposed to be happy and sweet and at all times.
Should I leave? I’m pro recovery and I don’t care or mind fashion onlys but don’t try to twist and turn the meaning to fit how you want it. While pushing away the originators of it into a corner.
I get so goddamn sick and tired of this. This is the one subculture where I get to fully express my emotions without being shamed as being “a downer” and “ruining the fashion”. If the meaning and story of jirai bother you so much, don’t claim it. Just be fucking dark girly.
Finally reposted (and published to ao3). Might throw it on Wattpad. I don't know.
Sun at Night (夜に太陽)
@ayaisokay / Yoru Ni Taiyō / M.H
Short story for 1K word prompt challenge
Ishi awoke violently, escaping subconscious terrors, and grounding himself within vivid sensations of reality.
With arms involuntarily outstretched, Ishi breached the cold air. Incidentally, they moved with ample pace, enough to induce pain. His left arm had jerked out and hit the wall at the side of his bed.
The pain preceded the sound. "Yume!" He winced. His stutter was like an echo of the thud that reverberated throughout the small shelter.
"Sis?" He called out once more, finally sitting up and looking towards Yume’s rocking chair. It was empty.
With a shudder and a shiver, Ishi got to his feet and analysed the shelter. He took care to avoid long glances at the mirror. But he did notice a new crack, and a droplet of blood obscuring his image.
That of a pale, meek boy, with short bed-worn hair, puffy cheeks, and brown eyes that hastily avoided the sight of their face’s softness— a contrast to other boys his age. The subtlety of his chin was a sore spot, his visible bindings too.
With a forced smile, he concealed his body with rags.
Between the warning signs of mould setting in, and the cracks on the cold floorboards, Ishi was certain, the mess he called home hadn't notably changed.
Safe for additional discardings of hair, clumsily brushed to the corners of the room.
Ishi wished he could help Yume as much as she helped him. She cut his hair nice and short and helped him bind his chest with lace and leather. She'd been working to buy fabric so Ishi could enjoy some comfort. But, she wouldn't let him join her for any of her work— not even the jobs that hurt her.
She was bad at hiding new bruises and sore spots, or the redness in her eyes. Ishi didn't get why she didn't ask for help. Yume always told him he was strong.
But the thought vanished.
He spotted blood by the door that was left slightly ajar. It was softly illuminated by a mix of distant village lamps and the moonlight. It evoked great concern.
"I’ll help this time." ishi promised, hoping to finally be of use to his big sister.
His decision was in spite of Yume warning him against staying up. She’d told him a journey awaited them tomorrow.
Yet, Ishi quickly set about the door and got onto the stone path anyway.
He was used to walking barefoot. He outgrew his last pair of shoes. Unfortunately, nightly walks were new, and Ishi struggled to avoid sharp pebbles that prompted his small feet to rise with haste.
The dancing luminosity of fire light was not as reliable as it was beautiful.
Though Ishi couldn’t help but ponder the fire that guided him as walked the arching path, seeking the village’s closed off river. One encased by trees.
The fire was pleasant and warm with a gentle hum. There was safety. It reminded him of Yume. But, to get too close, well, even such beautiful things could cause harm. Maybe that’s why Yume never let him help, he assumed.
“You wouldn't hurt me.” Ishi thought aloud as he reached his destination, only to be halted at the foot of the river’s opening. A light thud, followed by hushed whispers, took him from his thoughts. For what they lacked in mutual tone they made up for in synchronised intensity. A lover’s spat? A fight? Ishi wasn't sure.
Slowly he drew nearer the river’s opening, sticking to the side opposite the whispers, about 10 metres away. He oriented himself around the tree slowly, using it to shield himself while I leaned out and peeked.
The tree was less comfortable than grass or smoothed stone on his bare feet. His hands were reddened from his hard grip on the tree. There was no salvation in its holes either— but Ishi was thankful for that. Disturbing a bird nest wouldn't have helped him right about now. Though he wasn't sure what could help. When the first figure came into view, Ishi’s breath grew short and his throat tight.
A bearded man, noble by the looks of his cloak and the silk of his shirt. He was leaning over someone, a hand placed towards them, and another stretched towards the river, holding Yume’s knife.
At that moment, Ishi couldn't help but wonder if Yume had been helping hurt people. He feared that's why they had to leave tomorrow. But, he couldn't accept that thought— “she wouldn't,” he decided silently. Finally turning enough to bring more of the scene into view.
A slender girl, flat at her chest with bruised skin that was otherwise pale. She stood adorned in rags, now freshly cut at the waist where a dampness had begun to form. Her face was obscured by a hand that forced her head against the tree opposite Ishi’s.
The man kept her turned away— leaving only slightly torn hair in view. “You help me enjoy the night, and I give you money to fill your rotten gob.” The man hissed, before lurching her towards him. Kneeing her gut, and twirling to toss her closer. She landed in the middle, by the edge of the river bank.
“Trying to use a toy like this? Well, you can forget about the deal… Boy.” The man snarled.
As he turned to look upon the girl, Ishi’s heart ceased its rapid rhythm. He became a candle, extinguished by grief.
The girl’s brown eyes met Ishi’s in mutual recognition. Her pain heightened by the man’s last words, and her defeat spelled by the presence of kin.
An innocent brother, and his defiled sister. But Yume wasn't the only one to spot her beloved brother.
“You shouldn't have come here; you have ruined us both.” She whispered, trying to get to her feet and position herself between Ishi and the man. But her steps were unsteady, and she was quickly knocked down. Wetness and blood trailing her legs.
“Well, perhaps you can keep the welp’s deal.”
Tearfully, Ishi remained in place, struggling for air, to compose himself, or command his limbs. He knew this man.
“D-dad?”
Maybe I could be a librarian someday. Or make money from my ideas. I don't know. I'm still trying to exist.
shoutout to jirais that are in some form of education or in the workforce, cause this SUCKS
An old photo, this was after I cried lmao, my bf said I should wear my favorite dress and think good things about myself while taking this photo
I hope i can slim down a little, get abs maybe? A fun little surprise:3
Sometimes it is my fault sometimes I am a horrible person
i feel so fucking filthy and disgusting and my home is a mess and i am fucking putrid but i don't have the energy or motivation to do ANYTHING about it so I guess I'll just!!!!! Fucking!!! Be filthy!!!!
FASHION JIRAIS DNI /SRS
The thing that really annoys me about the reyinblack situation is how they're the ones telling us to "get help" even though a lot of us are already doing that and are just using tumblr as a way to find a support group n shit.
Rey has this stupid belief that you should cope the way other people cope, and if you don't you're "glamorizing it and influencing others", and it genuinely baffles me how completely ignorant they are surrounding both the topics of jirai kei and mental health as a whole.
since when has anyone in the jirai community ever encouraged anyone to self harm? The only self harm shit I've seen coming from the jirai community are literally people just talking about their own struggles with self harm.
Tbh, the only thing I don't like about my self harm is that whenever I relapse I have to hide it until it heals so that my family doesn't get pissy at me over it (especially my dad, cause he deadass once told me "self harm is stupid", and honestly, wtf), but that's just me. People got their own reasons why they romanticize their own self harm.
And I am putting the emphasis on the "their own" part, because this douchebag really missed that part and I don't think they'd bother to care anyways.
Also, "just get a diary" THIS IS MY DIARY, JACKWAD. My therapist knows that this blog exists, i literally showed it to her to look at. And I start intensive outpatient therapy next week, so idk what you're on about when you say I should "get help."
Speaking of "getting help", I do agree that if someone needs professional help, they should try to get it as soon as possible. Walk in crisis centers exist (at least in Colorado where I'm from)
But regardless of whatever it's for, when someone does get help, it doesn't mean that all of your problems will go away.
it means that you are learning the skills needed to cope with them so that you don't end up doing some genuinely harmful behaviors like drugs or risky sex.
Sometimes getting help means de-escalating from a crisis so that you don't try to kill yourself or others.
Or it could be to help manage some behavioral issues or trauma that you had to deal with.
People get this stupid misconception that the minute you go to the psych ward for a few days or start talking to a therapist, that all of a sudden you're gonna be this mentally stable and happy person who has no issues whatsoever. I've been dealing with the mental health industry for 5 years and yet I still haven't gotten better, if anything I feel fucking worse tbh.
And to add on to that, not everyone has that same kind of access to help. Sometimes parents don't believe their kids are struggling and refuse to get them help, sometimes financial barriers can make it difficult to afford it, lots of things.
Japan (the place where Jirai Kei originated) has a major issue when it comes down to the stigma surrounding mental health and mental illness, and getting help is completely discouraged there. That's where the Jirai Kei community comes in to help destigmatize mental health (while looking cute as shit).
but the part that's gotta piss me off the most regarding this situation is how rey is so upset that different ways to cope exist to the point they're literally reporting blogs and getting them t worded ALL BECUASE NOBODY AGREES WITH WHAT THEY GOTTA SAY.
Sheesh, and people tell ME I can't take criticism...
Anyway, just wanna say that if you see reyinblack anywhere, please report and block them. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM.
Thank you.
THIS, ALL THE FUCKING WAY.
HOW MANY TIMES DO. I GOTTA TELL THIS TO PEOPLE FOR THEM TO FUCKING LISTEN????
AAAAAAAAAAA /NEG
Stop implying mental disorders are easy to treat and if someone online has a mental disorder they just need to "touch grass" or go to a therapist and boom everything's easily fixed
Stop implying it's their fault for not "trying hard enough to fix themselves"
Stop shaming people who don't want to recover
Stop shaming people who won't go to therapy because they can't access it or they have trauma with therapists
it feels like everyone has their own friend groups and im just a dog that trails behind
haha real (I just remembered how fucked up our society is and now i wanna kms)
I feel like shit
