Slut Shaming - Tumblr Posts

The sister.

Trigger Warning: vague reference to  sexual assault and referring to assailant by title. Slut shaming.

My ex and I resumed dating a few weeks after I was assaulted. I was eager to put what had happened to me at the back of my mind, so I dove right back in without hesitation.

We were out one night at one of our regular haunts located in the heart of nightlife hub in my city.  He stepped out at some point for a smoke and I went out with him to keep him company.

I saw an entourage of women coming down the street led by none other than Rapist’s sister. I screamed on the inside and then went dead.  I couldn’t move, like my feet were cemented in place. She was also with a woman I recognized from school.  I knew her name, but I didn’t know anything else about her. 

Well, apparently she knew a few things about me.

She stopped as they were walking by and said to my ex “You know you’re dating a slut, right?”

His response was “Oh yeah?” And he looked at me suspiciously. The girls, including Rapist’s sister, laughed at his reaction and likely how I was standing there dumbfounded.  They moved onward toward where ever they were headed.

I was stupid enough to hope that he would have said something soothing in that moment.

“A slut, hmm?  I always wondered what you were doing those nights when you didn’t answer your phone.” He threw his cigarette butt at me then walked back into the bar.  I was still cemented in place.

I did manage to talk my way out of it.  The girl who was vocal was not classically attractive, and I, embarrassingly, used that to my advantage (”She’s jealous” “She wasn’t well-liked at school” etc).  So things moved on. 

I’ll admit that this event was nearly as traumatic as the assault itself. 

Interesting things I figured out later from social media:

1. The woman who called me a slut appeared to be attracted to Rapist and must have been jealous he’d paid me attention. 2. Rapist’s sister became a social worker.  She apparently did work on sex trafficking and sexual assault.  Oh the irony. 3. There is at least one other woman that he did this to who received similar treatment by his sister.

Interesting subsequent event:

I’ve seen the woman who called me a slut recently.  She lives in my neighbourhood.  We were each walking toward one another, she with her multiple kids, me on my own.  

At one time I would have dropped my head and avoided her.  Not this time.  I looked right at her, and she was the one who avoided my gaze.

I never would, especially in front of her kids, but I could have easily gotten revenge.  I could tell that she was well aware of that. 

I wonder know exactly how she felt being the vulnerable one.

He told me I was stupid. He told me that if I wanted to be a slut I should have at least charged for it. I could have made decent money and at least I'd be good for something.

Shaming women for catering to the "male gaze" is a form of conservative slut-shaming masquerading as feminism.

There's a trend I've seen of people looking at female characters in media who look sexually attractive and saying that the creators of this media are bad or the enemies of feminists because they created something to "cater to the male gaze."

For example, video games with female characters who have big boobs are criticized for "sexualizing women" for the sake of male consumers.

I've also seen a post which made a comparison between the old and new Harley Quinn, claiming that the one who had "choppy and fun" bangs rather than "seductively framing her face" was much better because it showed female rather than male gaze.

The issue with these criticisms is that well-meaning feminists start to generalize them to real women. We tell women not to look seductive or sexually attractive because those traits cater to men. We feel pity for them for having become victims to men's lust.

Do you see why this is bad? If you look closely enough at these claims about the male gaze, you see that modern feminist language is being used to repeat the same conservative slut-shaming bullshit our society should have overcome by now.

How different are these claims, really, from the teacher at my high school who followed her presentation about the dress code by saying that girls who have been victims of sexual harassment have invited it upon themselves with the way that they were dressed?

Some things that are bad:

Telling women how they can and can't dress

Saying that if men are attracted to a woman, she is not safe or not respectable

Telling women to dress modestly

Shaming women for wanting to be attractive to men

To be clear, the opposite is true too. It's bad to force women into sex of course, or to make them wear something "attractive" that they aren't comfortable with. But telling women that they are "catering to the male gaze" if they want to look attractive disempowers women by taking away our choice to be sexually liberated, choose how we dress, or look attractive for our own sakes.

In addition, when feminists consider the male gaze their enemy, they also start to consider women who dress attractively or are purposely seductive or engage in sexual acts as their enemies. We end up with women yelling at women, enforcing the patriarchy on ourselves. It's fucked up, and we can do better.

Yeah…it’s been a while since I’ve been on here, but I guess I’m just more of a twitter girl. I guess I expected to blog about something like slut-shaming(see feminism rant, shame on you past-me for saying that word in that way!), but this is focused on something I noticed on one of my new favorite shows Twisted (despite the fact that it has slut-shaming too. *sigh* A lot of teen-young adult shows do.) So one of the main characters, Jo, was at a birthday party for the sister of another main character, Lacey. Lacey’s dad was in town and because of the divorce and related fights, there’s a bit of tension at the moment. So at one point, Lacey asks Jo to get something from the pantry (I can’t remember what) and what does Jo see? Lacey’s dad is making out with with her sister’s gymnastics coach. After this, Jo tries to persuade him to tell Lacey, letting him know that Lacey would love him no matter what. He’s not quite ready to tell her so he politely leaves. Reassurance like that is good, but then Jo does something not so good.Lacey is about to tell her a secret when Jo suddenly decides it’s a good idea to tell her that her dad is gay. This leads to her confronting her dad and the mom walking in and Lacey asking her to talk to him. Later, while mom and dad are fighting upstairs, Jo asked if she should’ve kept her mouth shut, to which Lacey replies that she’s glad Jo told her. But really, Jo should’ve kept her mouth shut. I can understand that she wanted to be honest with her friend, but outing someone without their permission is never an okay thing to do. That is a decision that only the LGBTQ person is allowed to make. Though we can urge them to come out, they have their reasons for keeping it in the closet. They could still be coming to terms with who they are and they don’t want it out until they’re completely sure. They could live in a very ignorant place and they don’t want people threatening them, or worse. They could be afraid that the people closest to them won’t want them around anymore. In a country where less than 1/3 of states even allow gay marriage, there are plenty of reasons why someone might not want people to know their true sexuality. If any stray person may be reading this, if someone you know is in the closet and they want you to keep it a secret, respect their privacy and let them know that you support them no matter what. And to ABC Family, a network that has a show based around a family with lesbian moms should know better than to endorse outing (and slut-shaming, though unrelated to the subject at hand).

On a side note, if anyone out there is actually reading my posts, let me know if I should have a more fun tumblr, like with cat pictures or something, IDK yet. Signing off.

Yuki rn: YUNO IS THIS REALLL?

I love how early in the episode where Akise dies, he shows his phone for a second and it says "Yuno the hoe sucked over 9000 cocks".

WHAT

What it’s like to be slut-shamed when buying birth control

Even when pharmacists do let people access contraception, whether emergency contraception or condoms or prescription birth control pills, the process isn’t always free of judgment. In a series of recent online discussions, people across the country have begun to share stories of the stigma they’ve experienced. As many have pointed out, this can be especially damaging to teens.

As an aro ace person I would like to apologize to all allo aros and they way they have been treated, like you said you're not gross for feeling sexual attraction. You're a not a bad person for being allo aro. You're all valid as f*ck and deserve to be treated better and to be respected! I wish you all a good evening want you to know that you're appreciated and loved <3

Having said that I would also like to adress my fellow aces.

So some of y'all have been acting like real @ssholes and decided to treat allo aros like sh*t.

This needs to stop.

Slutshaming is never okay. Someone else's sexlife is none of your bussiness so stay out of it.

Having sexual attraction is not gross and doesn't make you a bad person. Some of our fellow aces also feel sexual attraction. Just because it's not your thing doesn't mean you get to shame other people for it.

We're all aspec people, we're all living in a heteronormative society which can make things rather hard, we're all already treated like sh*t by most straight ppl and even a lot of queer people, together with agendered people we are the A in the queer community. So why can't we just stick together and stand up for each other? We might not be exactly alike but we still have a lot in common so don't go and be an @sshole just because you're insecure :)

They shouldn't have to even ask to be respected, they should just be respected! Honestly y'all be better than this.

I love aces to death but some (emphasis on some) have a habit of treating allo aros like crap because of our sexual attraction. We aren’t gross or dirty for liking people sexually and we’re certainly not whores or hoes (yes I’ve had an ace person call me those things in the past). I’m not blaming the entire ace community for this because I realize it’s not all of your faults but a lot of you guys just stand by in these instances. Please treat us (allo aros) better.

Treat Black women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Trans women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Sex workers with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Lesbians with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Latinx women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Native women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Disabled women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Muslim women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Jewish women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Treat Fat women with respect even when they arent palatable to you

Our bodies are not for you, Your allyship should not hinge upon wheather how digestible our words or actions are to you