I Deserve To Suffer - Tumblr Posts
Do you sometimes, when you're seeing a person you are slowly getting attached to, feel like you're falling for them ? But second later, after coming back to reality, you think "I can't. I can't fall for them because I have no chances, because I don't deserve to be loved, I CAN'T BE LOVED !"
And then you feel just anger....you are angry at yourself that, even for a second, you thought that you might love someone....that someone might love you...and this anger ? Letting all those emotions run free was a mistake and you know it will be hard to collect them again and lock them in a cage as before...
When something like that happens to me, I take a piece of paper and I just, with all my mighty and strength, make lines...as deep as possible so I can get rid of those weird feelings....then I put the paper in an envelope named "don't fall in love"....I want to see how much I can be vulnerable and stupid to think that someone might love me...
⚠️Tw suicide/selfharm mention/vent⚠️
I am thinking about suicide again
I wanna die because.....
Why I wanna die ?
Maybe just because....
Maybe because I am useless
Maybe because I am not worthy
Maybe because I am not enough
Because I am nothing
Because I don't deserve to live....
I don't deserve to be loved, to love, to exist....
I am nothing and no one ever would love someone like me so why live if anyways I end up dead...
Why live if anyways I be annoying, useless, not worthy, not enough....
No one cares if I am alive or dead ....
No one cares if my arms are covered in cuts and scars....
As long as I have good grades
As long as people see me as a kind, good and clever person ....
No one cares and no one will .....
If so then why live ?
Why suffer so much when you can die
Why be alive and be called a problem
I don't want to live
I don't want to be alive
I want to die
To disappear and never come back
The mood dropped immediately when I saw the grade
I failed...again
No matter how much I try, I can't do anything right
Actually I stopped trying because it will be the same
I stopped trying
And I thought I stopped caring but I was wrong
I'm lying in my bed, crying my eyes out
I'm worthless
Useless
Stupid
I deserve to die
I have to die
I want to die