Nounself - Tumblr Posts
I think in honor of pride month and also in general forever we should stop trying fit queer people into the identities we think they should call themselves.
And I know no one is going to see this because no one ever does but I'm going to talk about it anyway because this is important.
Bisexual doesn't mean you don't date trans people, it doesn't mean you like men and women, it doesn't mean you can't have a preference. Someone can identify as polysexual or bisexual or omnisexual and have no preference and you don't get to say that that means they're pansexual. Because no, if they don't identify as pansexual then they're not pansexual.
Transmasc doesn't mean you use he/him pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a man. Transfem doesn't mean you use she/her pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a woman. You can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or any gender that isn't binary and not use they/them pronouns. You can use any of those labels and still identify as a man or a woman. You can use different pronouns than is typically used for your birth sex and not consider yourself transgender. People can be gender non conforming and not he trans. People can be trans and not gender non conforming.
A trans man can be fem. A trans woman can be masc. Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people are people, they deserve way more attention than a way to one up transphobes. Intersex people face discrimination and body altering surgeries without their consent and then are only ever talked about to say "some cis women have penises" or "some people have an extra x chromosome" and then we never talk about the struggle they face as part of the queer community.
Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aces like sex, some aces are repulsed, some aces only experience sexual attraction to one person or once in their life, some aces need a deep emotional bond, some aces their attraction changes. Some aros change identities. Some aros are repulsed by romance unless it's a fictional character. Some aros have romantic feelings until they get to know someone. Some aros crave a romantic relationship but never have romantic feelings. You don't get to say someone isn't asexual or aromantic enough.
Asexuality and aromanticism is having a unique relationship with romance or sexual feelings and impulses. Someone who is transgender has a unique experience with gender. You don't get to decide that they don't have a unique experience. But guess what? You don't get to decide if they do either. Someone can have a unique experience and still not identify as asexual aromantic or transgender. You can cross dress and still fully feel like a man. You can use he/him pronouns as a cis women. You can have trauma around sex and not identify as asexual. You can never have a romantic relationship and not identify as aromantic.
You can have "contradicting" labels. I don't know as many of these because I don't personally identify as any but please fell welcome to add in reblogs. There are trans men lesbians and gay women. There are sex loving asexuals. I know there are others I just genuinely am not educated enough.
YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE SOMEONES LABELS
ANYONE CAN EITHER IDENTIFY OR NOT IDENTIFY AS QUEER
Please feel welcome to add anything in reblogs. I'm sure there's things I've missed. I haven't talked about neopronouns I haven't talked enough about "contradicting" labels. I haven't talked about queer platonic relationships or kink or polyamory or enough about intersex people or pronouns vs gender. There's so much important things but at the end of the day it's just so important to not choose other people's labels.
they are right - these do sound kind of dumb. actually they sound very dumb.
; hi @auseryoumayknow !! I use neos so lemme try help :]
; I think the easiest way to get better at using neopronouns ( emojiself, nounself, etc ) is simply practice !! And asking people how to use their pronouns. Whether that be how to pronounce them or how to use them in a sentence, people will be more than happy to help !! Really appreciate you being open to trying :D /gen
; also a trick I use is simply taking a pronoun like he or they that I know how to use, and replacing it with the neo. For i.e. Xe / Xem would = Xe ( he ) is my friend, xe ( he ) uses xe / xem and would like me to use them on xem ( him ) ! I think xe ( he ) should be proud of xemself ( himself ) :]
; this also goes for other pronouns like nounself ( i.e. moth / mothself, fern / fernself, cloud / cloudself ) and emojiself !! ( i.e. ⭐ / ⭐self )
; also quick thing .. Emojiself pronouns are not intended for irl use !! They're for online communication only .. Some people do have pronounceable alternatives to their emojiself pronouns ( i.e. Instead of 🍄 / 🍄self it could be shroom / shroomself ) but not everyone does ! Better to just ask. :]
; if you have other questions feel free to ask me through like DMs or my askbox !! /gen /nf
dyall. people. bitches. stop making a fuss over ppl's identities.
"but they have genderfluid and also mlm in their bio!"
fuckin. so what?????
"but they use it/its pronouns!"
doesnt affect you. shut the fuck up.
"but they use neos and emojis as pronouns!"
literally so what?? it's harmless!!!
"but they wont label themself for me!"
idgaf, not your business.
"but they say they're an animal!"
literally ok? how. does that affect you.
"but they think that theyre something that doesnt even exist!"
yes and that's very cool of them
"but they use animals and nouns as their pronouns!"
do i look like i care? no? that's because i dont.
"but they-!"
DOESNT FUCKING AFFECT YOU. OK. YOU HEAR ME??? IT. DOES. NOT. AFFECT. YOU.
YOU SHOULD NOT CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HOW SOMEONE EXPRESSES THEIR IDENTITY. IT LITERALLY DOES NOT TAKE A N Y T H I N G TO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE.
; this a million times oml. To add more: neopronouns are not effecting the trans community, neopronouns are not exclusive to certain people, neopronouns are not silly or cringe or invalid and they're not ( most the time ) js for online use, they're peoples pronouns. And qpr are different to everyone !! They can include sex but they don't have to, but stop calling it " basically friends w benefits ", qpp's can kiss or never even try, qpp's can get get platonically married if they want, qpr's can be polyamory or exclusive, and they can be sexual without being romantic and it is not mf abusive or whatever dumb shit ppl are spreading, they can also be romantic and not sexual and not be sad or a " failing ship ", etc. It's not your relationship and it's not your definition of platonic, so js leave ppl alone. Oh and for the love of the stars DO NOT call it " js a really close friendship " or " friendship+ basically " and / or describe it as lesser than romantic / sexual relationships. Its not less or more than anything, it's a queer platonic relationship. It's it's own category THANK YOU.
I think in honor of pride month and also in general forever we should stop trying fit queer people into the identities we think they should call themselves.
And I know no one is going to see this because no one ever does but I'm going to talk about it anyway because this is important.
Bisexual doesn't mean you don't date trans people, it doesn't mean you like men and women, it doesn't mean you can't have a preference. Someone can identify as polysexual or bisexual or omnisexual and have no preference and you don't get to say that that means they're pansexual. Because no, if they don't identify as pansexual then they're not pansexual.
Transmasc doesn't mean you use he/him pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a man. Transfem doesn't mean you use she/her pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a woman. You can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or any gender that isn't binary and not use they/them pronouns. You can use any of those labels and still identify as a man or a woman. You can use different pronouns than is typically used for your birth sex and not consider yourself transgender. People can be gender non conforming and not he trans. People can be trans and not gender non conforming.
A trans man can be fem. A trans woman can be masc. Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people are people, they deserve way more attention than a way to one up transphobes. Intersex people face discrimination and body altering surgeries without their consent and then are only ever talked about to say "some cis women have penises" or "some people have an extra x chromosome" and then we never talk about the struggle they face as part of the queer community.
Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aces like sex, some aces are repulsed, some aces only experience sexual attraction to one person or once in their life, some aces need a deep emotional bond, some aces their attraction changes. Some aros change identities. Some aros are repulsed by romance unless it's a fictional character. Some aros have romantic feelings until they get to know someone. Some aros crave a romantic relationship but never have romantic feelings. You don't get to say someone isn't asexual or aromantic enough.
Asexuality and aromanticism is having a unique relationship with romance or sexual feelings and impulses. Someone who is transgender has a unique experience with gender. You don't get to decide that they don't have a unique experience. But guess what? You don't get to decide if they do either. Someone can have a unique experience and still not identify as asexual aromantic or transgender. You can cross dress and still fully feel like a man. You can use he/him pronouns as a cis women. You can have trauma around sex and not identify as asexual. You can never have a romantic relationship and not identify as aromantic.
You can have "contradicting" labels. I don't know as many of these because I don't personally identify as any but please fell welcome to add in reblogs. There are trans men lesbians and gay women. There are sex loving asexuals. I know there are others I just genuinely am not educated enough.
YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE SOMEONES LABELS
ANYONE CAN EITHER IDENTIFY OR NOT IDENTIFY AS QUEER
Please feel welcome to add anything in reblogs. I'm sure there's things I've missed. I haven't talked about neopronouns I haven't talked enough about "contradicting" labels. I haven't talked about queer platonic relationships or kink or polyamory or enough about intersex people or pronouns vs gender. There's so much important things but at the end of the day it's just so important to not choose other people's labels.
Give me more lesbians who date men too, who aren't MISERABLE and forcing themselves to do so because of compulsory heterosexuality. Give me more lesbians who ARE men: cis, trans, somewhere in between, both, neither. Give me gay men who also date women happily, who are women themselves to whatever extent. Give me queerplatonic relationships between a gay guy and a lesbian. Give me a lesbian and a gay guy who are friends with benefits. Give me multigender turigirls and lesboys. Give me an individual who is polyamorous and aroace, more gaybians, more nondysphoric trans people, more she/her guys and he/him women, more it/its and nounself users, more queer teens who go by Arson. I could go on and on, but to sum things up: give me the sides of the queer experience that are hidden even by other queer people. Show me the box breaking, the line crossing, the beautiful complexities that arise from being queer. Give me the 'cringy' identities. Give me the historical identities that people are trying to erase. Preserve what they're trying to snuff out.
This started off as a multigender rant but includes other things, because I'm so pissed off at the queer community for these things that I need to fit it all in one post. Sit back and prepare for this, it's a long read (also feel free to scroll past) being multigender sucks because I feel too paradoxical to be taken seriously. It doesn't help that I'm also agender :/ Like yeah, identity is your own and you shouldn't shave off parts of it to appease others, but damn does the 'passive' hostility and invalidation towards multigender people such as myself make me feel pushed towards changing myself sometimes. You can scream into the void all you want about being normal about multigender people and how they label their experiences, but some people just... never will be. That's what it feels like, from the fucking queer community as well as cishet society. It sucks. I can never be comfortable to explore my womanhood because then my manhood and agenderhood will never be taken seriously. Hell, the fact that I simultaneously experience gender AND being genderless is enough for people to just shit on me and exile me from queer spaces. The fact that I prefer ze/hir and it/its and nounself pronouns is enough for people to call me one of the bad ones. AND, the fact that I am more comfortable being perceived as a man suddenly makes me a 'danger to women'. There are so many issues with how multigender people, neurodivergent queers (literally any kind of neurodivergent, not just the neopronoun xenogender autistic person), queer POC, the list goes on are treated; if you aren't a white woman god help you, god forbid you're a man in any way either. And don't even get me started about how aroace people are fucking treated. I could go on for another few paragraphs about how I, as someone who is aroace spec and a plethora of other things, don't feel safe sometimes. I could go on and on and on. And fuck it, I will (under the cut because this post is already comically long):
'Aroace is a spectrum' this, 'all aroaces are valid' that, until you're romance/sex oscillating or even favorable, until you're polyamorous, until you're also a lesbian or a gay person or m-spec. Even in the fucking aroace community you're held by some bar of being aroace enough, and if you diverge even slightly god forbid. Allo fictives of aroace characters, hell even those who are aroace in a different way, have to listen to the incessant whining of the 'stop making sexual/romantic fiction of this character! they're repulsed in canon!' crowd. It's fucking obnoxious. Aroace people are already not taken seriously, aroallos and alloaces are already not taken seriously, and then you have the clown parade of people forcing their own idea of what they want you to be down your throat. The queer community and its many facets feel so fucking unsafe at times, and that sucks because we're all we've got. Some people don't have supportive family or connections outside of online queer spaces, and this is what they get. It's so incredibly shitty. I don't feel aroace enough because of my experiences, despite also having very stereotypical aroace experiences. I feel forced to constantly be sex/romance averse at times because again, god forbid you're ever favorable. I have two partners, okay? I have partners who I don't necessarily 'love' but care about a lot, and then I have to come across things that erase the fact that I am quite often averse to sex and romance because of this fact! People like me are constantly erased, and when they're represented in fiction people throw a hissy fit. "Oh you're forcing an aroace character into allonormativity!" Hey asshole: maybe, just maybe, aroace people can date just as much as they aren't required to. Fucking. Jesus. Some community this is, for there to be so much exclusion and hatred and segregation.
to the people commenting and reblogging saying that while they don't understand some of the experiences listed they still support them, thank you. It means so much to see people be accepting of identities they don't understand, instead of screaming at me or other people for existing/supporting the existence of more obscure queer experiences. Your support means so much more than you realize. Again, thank you.
Give me more lesbians who date men too, who aren't MISERABLE and forcing themselves to do so because of compulsory heterosexuality. Give me more lesbians who ARE men: cis, trans, somewhere in between, both, neither. Give me gay men who also date women happily, who are women themselves to whatever extent. Give me queerplatonic relationships between a gay guy and a lesbian. Give me a lesbian and a gay guy who are friends with benefits. Give me multigender turigirls and lesboys. Give me an individual who is polyamorous and aroace, more gaybians, more nondysphoric trans people, more she/her guys and he/him women, more it/its and nounself users, more queer teens who go by Arson. I could go on and on, but to sum things up: give me the sides of the queer experience that are hidden even by other queer people. Show me the box breaking, the line crossing, the beautiful complexities that arise from being queer. Give me the 'cringy' identities. Give me the historical identities that people are trying to erase. Preserve what they're trying to snuff out.
bigots: you're an abnormal freak!
'weird' trans people: okay, I'm abnormal and I'm okay with that.
bigots: wait, no-
'oh, so I'm a queerphobe now because I think xenogenders and neopronouns are fake?' yes.
'I'm queerphobic because I think mspec lesbians, turigirls, and the like are invalid and appropriating the labels of lesbian, bi etc?' yes.
what you are doing is misunderstanding a queer identity, failing to enlighten yourself, and weaponizing your own ignorance against a queer person and painting them as the problem. You are writing off the existence of a queer person because you don't understand, or maybe do not even want to understand, their identity. You brush it off as fake and nonsensical. You think it's appropriating your own experience.
That is precisely what transphobes do to all trans people, what transmeds do to the 'wrong' type of trans person. That is precisely what homophobes do to all lesbians and gay men. Make no mistake, that bigotry affects you too no matter how much of a 'good' or 'correct' trans person/gay person you are. And if you are an ally espousing this kind of blatantly queerphobic rhetoric, I hope you feel ashamed. Where you claim to be in support of the LGBTQ community, you throw certain members of it under the bus because it's too much for you. You don't get to make that call; you either support all queer people in their identities, or you do not support queer people. That makes you queerphobic.
one of the most pathetic things you can do is make a cringe compilation. you're really seeing happy individuals existing and celebrating themselves, and your first instinct is that it's 'cringe'? that's truly one of the saddest things I've ever heard. I hope those hollow laughs are worth it.