Rsd - Tumblr Posts
Hey, if you know someone with ADHD
I just wanna let you lads without adhd in on something
Those of us with adhd have this nifty little thing called RSD. It stands for rejection sensitive dysphoria. Something like 99.8% of people with adhd have it. It’s an example of how adhd messes with emotional regulation.
If someone with adhd even perceives that they may possibly upset someone whose opinion and love they value, they may have a complete emotional breakdown, complete with tears and the certainty that they will now be hated forever. This reaction can also be caused by their own opinion of themselves.
If you see someone you know who has adhd make a mistake, please be gentle with them - especially if that mistake is related to you or someone else. You may save them an RSD episode and a lot of heartache.
Also, as a side note, RSD can also kick in when it comes to things someone with adhd likes. For instance, if I find a comic online and find it funny, if I show it to you, I’m confiding in you not to hurt me. Showing someone something I love takes a huge amount of trust. That’s because, if someone who I care about says something mean or negative about something I like, it can literally, permanently ruin it for me.
This isn’t melodramatics. It’s not about being bitter or petty. It’s an RSD response that comes from feeling inadequate if the things I like don’t measure up to the people whose opinions I care about. I’ve had entire hyperfixations absolutely ruined for me because my sister said she ‘didn’t get it’ and compared beloved characters to something she knows I hate. I could no longer see that show without thinking of the overwhelming sadness that came with that experience. That show became shame. It’s taken almost a year for me to even be able to palate looking at content for it again.
These days, I don’t share hyperfixations with people I’m not confident understand how much they mean to me. It’s a touchy subject and can end in devastation.
So, my point is, if you know someone with ADHD, please be kind to them and keep this in mind when they share things with you. You don’t have to like something or even understand it to show compassion. Maybe ask a question or two before letting the topic trail off. If you don’t seem very interested, they’re likely to find other people to talk about it with anyway, since it’s clear you’re not very into it (depending on how socially aware they are). However, even if they can tell you’re not into it, you’ve made a compassionate and understanding experience for them, showing your support and love and letting them know you care.
Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria(RSD)
RSD is a real problem and is often found in people who have been diagnosed with ADHD. What it means is we’re hypersensitive to rejection and can interpret things that people say way too much and think that it’s some form of rejection. Getting an actual, legitimate rejection can send us spiraling into depression for hours or even days at a time and cause us to be unmotivated to do things. We’re people pleasers, trying so hard to make sure people are happy with us so that we don’t get rejected. It’s more than just a fear of rejection, it’s a downright terror of it.
What I say: Oh, I won’t bother you with *insert thing here* What I mean: I’m scared you’re going to reject me for sharing this thing that’s personal to me.
What I say: Don’t worry, my anxiety isn’t too bad. What I mean: My anxiety has been killing me, but I don’t want you to think it’s weakness and will stop being friends with me because of it.
What I say: Don’t worry about me. What I mean: I’m afraid if I talk about my major problems, you’re going to reject me and stop being my friend.
What you say: Please stop *blank* What I think: Oh fuck I did something majorly wrong, how can I fix this, what can I do to make things right what do I need to do? Will *person* want to stop being friends with me now? Am I okay?
These are just a few examples of what goes through the mind of someone with RSD. I would love to thank people like @adhd-alien for making comics that I, as a person with ADHD, can look at and relate to. It really calms down my RSD, even if I feel like I can’t talk about it with my friends for that terror that they’re going to reject me for it, even though I know they won’t.
RSD check
Your friends don't secretly hate you
You're not a bad person for things you did and said months or years ago that you now recognize as bad
You aren't cringe for being excited about things
You don't talk too much
If you feel sick from intrusive thoughts/rsd please sip on some water, get a blanket or plush to cuddle, put on some music or a video that makes you feel happy
You are loved <3
Rejection sensitive dysphoria sucks because I will goof up, minorly inconvenience someone, or annoy them, and my brain tells me “this is it, this is the final straw. They officially hate me forever.”
Bestie I can feel rejected by things you wouldn’t even think of
[ID: A tumblr hashtag: "i hope is ok to reblog as an autistic person". End ID]
ok not to be adhd on main but if you even JOKINGLY make fun of me for my interests thats it. i wont ever be able to trust you again because im positive youre constantly judging me and making fun of me behind my back. thats just the way it is!!
Source ~ Neuroclastic
[Image IDs: Ten slides from Neuroclastic. All descriptions from Neuroclastic.
All images have a black background with candy-colored rainbow text and graphics
Slide 1: image features a rainbow silhouette with a brain full of talk bubbles that have insults in them. Insults include crybaby, sensitive, freak, weirdo, suck up, snowflake, idiot, stupid, loser, boring, try hard, histrionic, gross, etc.
From the silhouette is a talk bubble that reads, "This is not my voice"
Image is titled, "On Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Codependency, & Identity"
Slide 2: Titled "Stages of losing contact with the core self"
There is a 5-point zig zag graph with the following stages
Early Relational trauma: Needs are ignored, punished, or shamed. Authentic expression feels pointless or even dangerous.
Rejections accumulate: As authentic attempts to meet needs fail, the rejections begin to wall off access to core self Masks form: Person survives by experimenting with various masks as reactions to volatile or unresponsive people. Core self is further distanced: Masks shield Core Self from abuse, scorn, & neglect, but the person becomes a mirror of others
Codependency: Only the reactive masks have access to others, so a person's existence is defined by the behavior, moods, & acceptance of others.
Slide 3: Titled "Formation of Identity Masks"
An animated character with rainbow coloured hair peeks over a brick wall, each brick containing different words and symbols, while some bricks remain empty. Text above the character reads: "Identity masks are worn to shape the behavior of others. Even if an identity is true to the Core Self, masks make a person seem more or less:
[Words and symbols in bricks]
Popular, amused emojil, fun, smart, heart eyes emoji, educated, disabled, oppressed, dedicated, social, sad emoji, neuroclastic, angry, magical, religious, fashionable, heart icon, normal, stable, mature, political, angry symbol, responsible, smirking emoji, rich, independent, sad emoji, fit, brave, seductive, masculine, heartbreak icon, qualified, vulnerable, skilled.
Slide 4: Titled "Disconnection from our Core Self"
Text below reads: Eventually, we lose contact with our Core Self so that no identity feels real. Identities become more like outfits to put on & wear in different settings the same way we change clothes.
Different bubbles each read:
We mask as someone new in every situation & context
Who we are in the moment depends on the moods & behaviors of people around us
We do not realize that others are not also wearing identities as clothing
We have learned that boundaries get us in trouble, so we don't set them
We are then shocked & feel rejected when others set boundaries
We think people who know themselves are performing and boundaries are rude
Slide 5: Titled "Identities as masks are Identity Cages"
A circle has various bullets emanating from it, each occupying its own oval.
Text within circle reads: RSD is a disconnect from your Core
Self & identity
Bullets are numbered below:
We think our masks are identities, so rejection of masks feels like loss of self
We shop for & borrow other people's identities like they are others flattering clothes
We have perfectionism & are hypercritical of ourselves & others
Because masks are fragile like clothing, mistakes feel like a torn or ruined self
Relationships feel fleeting & fall into toxic patterns of codependency
Slide 6: Titled "Markers of Codependency"
Different shapes with similarly shaped wiggly lines arranged in a 2x3 arrangement, outline different markers of codependency, as follows:
Obsessive about others' and & own behavior Sees, own & others' worth as conditional
Tries hard to be needed & to fix others because love feels like a reward for good behavior
Falls in love quickly, but also can immediately hate someone others to feel worthy
Feels empathetic because identity masks rely on others' emotions for minor offenses
Needs a lot of reassurance, attention, & validation from others to feel worthy
Slide 7: Titled "relationships and Codependency"
4 rectangles, each with different representative graphics and unique titles, leading to the one after them.
The first is titled "Dangerous Relationships" with a one character confidently speaking to/advising a seemingly downcast character.
Text reads: Often exploited by people who see them as an easy target because they are afraid to set boundaries or say "no"
The second is titled "Martyrdom and Resentment" with an uncertain looking character holding an unbalanced balance scale.
Text reads: Taking a passive role of servitude & giving too much, then feeling like a martyr when others do not reciprocate
The third is titled "Other-directed life" with a signpost, one sign reading @NeuroClastic while the other remains blank.
Text reads: Goals, feelings, & desires are responses to others & not reflections of own identity or needs
The fourth is titled "Chaos & Drama" with one character with their finger up, walking away from a confused looking character.
Text reads: Criticizes & blames self or others for minor problems, harshly judges self & others, & manipulates to make self the victim
Slide 8: Titled "Reconnecting To The Core Self"
A circle is divided in quadrants, each describing ways to reconnect with one's Core Self.
The first quadrant is titled: Locating the Core Self The Core Self is not lost, just disconnected. It is the internal voice asking, "Who am I?" and the source of grief beneath the masks. Try to focus on that voice and connecting with your Core Self..
The second quadrant is titled: Dropping the Masks Identity is the whole tree - the roots, trunk, leaves, and fruit. Masks are the parasitic vines of unhealthy relationships and trauma. Begin to remove the vines one at a time when it's safe to do so.
The third quadrant is titled: Losing Value Judgements Dissociating from the Core Self means a person sees the behavior as identity, then strives to be perfect and push others to never make mistakes. You are not your behavior.
The fourth quadrant is titled: Learn to Set Boundaries Boundaries are more effective than masks at protecting the Core Self and prevent you from focusing externally to depend on others to meet your needs and maintain your autonomy.
Slide 9: Various stone shapes containing text are linked by a curving line. The topmost stone reads: Claiming Your Identity
Other stones follow, respectively reading:
No one tells you who you are. You tell them who you are. Who you are does not depend on others.
Know that you do not have to accept harm for the comfort of others.
Ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I want to do it, or because I am afraid of rejection?"
Take small risks, gradually, that allow you to be who you are & build the courage to be disliked.
Work on discovering your Core Self without an audience until you know what you love & who you are.
Slide 10: A comparison between Co-dependence and Interdependence.
The co-dependence pointers remain on a black background, whereas the inter-dependence pointers are enclosed in pencil shaped boxes, which in turn are placed against a rainbow coloured background.
The co-dependence pointers read:
I never develop my own passions or refine my skills because I am living for others
I am jealous & resentful of other people's joy, success, & material possessions
I do not make decisions without people-pleasing & say "yes" when I want to say "no"
I cannot make mistakes because other people will reject, hurt, & abandon me
I become like the people around me & agree with them to fit in & avoid conflict
I manage relationships by controlling or submitting, giving too much or taking too much
The inter-dependence pointers read:
I take the time I need to discover my passions & develop my skills to be fulfilling to me
I do not need to win or be cenetred in order to find value in experiences
I set boundaries & decline to participate if something feels wrong to me
Mistakes are a healthy part of growth & an opportunity to learn & evolve
I do not lose my values or reduce myself to be accepted & don't need others to approve
I give & receive in mutual ways that benefit both me & the people in my life
End ID]
Further Reading from Neuroclastic:
Friendship Things That Hurt :(
-when you arent invited to your friends birthday party
-when your friends don't ask you to hang out with them
-seeing pictures of your friends having a great time hanging out together without you
-your friend posting a collage of a bunch of their friends on their story, but you aren't included
-when your best friend isn't best friends with you
-when all of your friends seem to be closer with each other than you are with them
-when you start to not know what to talk about
-when you try to talk about things you like, but end up feeling judged
-when none of your friends reach out to you or even notice when you're too depressed to talk to them as much as you used to
-when you feel like all your friends are leaving you
-when you fall into depression and see yourself leaving your friends and the guilt that you carry with you about that
-the fear of never being able to connect with real people as strongly as you're able to connect with fictional characters
-when two of your friends have a falling out and you're left having to pick a side
-looking back at the happy memories you had with your old friends and wondering where the fuck it all went wrong
-the struggle to know how close you even are with your friends
Tumblr ate my first try at this so:
5.05 felt like a RSD storyline for Buck. They have him display this trait of adhd before in scenes or moments but it's the first time it's felt like it's the throughline for him for the episode. It's also the first time since Oliver had the ADHD chat/learning on twitter and stated he was reading up on RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dyphoria) in relation to Buck so I do wonder if it was intentional.
For those unfamiliar, RSD or Rejection Sensitive Dsyphoria is:
Click for Source for above
my friends: yo i genuinely love you. you’re an amazing friend and i love hanging out with you. i love talking to you and listening to you talking.
me: theyre just saying that to be polite they hate my guts
RSD is a bitch
that is all
Having social anxiety is like going on a roller coaster, in the beginning it seems like it’ll be fun, then comes the, “I DONT WANT TO DO THIS I DONT WANT TO DO THIS I DONT WA-“ but you then begrudgingly go do it anyway. While you are on the roller coaster itself, you are so paralyzed with fear you don’t know if you like it or not. Then afterwards you think “wow that was so much fun, I should do it again!” And for a moment you genuinely think you might have liked it. Thennnn you vomit ten seconds later and never want to do it again.
Do people with autism and/or ADHD come prepackaged with RSD or is this shit a trauma response
Secret third option: some fucked up mixture of both
Gotta love RSD :)
what the fuck is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, I thought EVERYONE fell into a self-hate spiral when they thought someone hated/was angry with/was annoyed at them???? like what???????????
Neurotypicals be like: Just use a planner broooo
Sir, you don't get it. If I got a planner 1 out of 4 things is going to happen.
1. My demand avoidance will kick in and I would rather rip out every single strand of hair on my body one by one than fill out a to-do list.
Or
2. I actually get everything done from my planner, but my imposter syndrome kicks in and since I set those goals for myself even though I accomplished them, they mean nothing and are therefore not worthy of acknowledgement.
Or
3. I will fill out the planner and then forget it exists. So like who is going to remind me to check my planner or use my planner to begin with?
Or
4. The worst of them all, I will end up with a planner filled with things I gotta do, remember it, not get anything done but with the extra guilt of not getting anything done.
That made me look into what rsd was and made me realise i possibly have another type of dysphoria on top of having titties
On Isolation