Neurodivergency - Tumblr Posts
Apparently some people couldn't access the Neurodivergent Insights website on a recent post, so here's the graphs for those interested.
Neurodivergent Insights
Breaking Down the Misdiagnosis Monday (part 3)
In this part, I'd like to focus on the social aspect of Autism and ADHD. You can find part 2 of this series here, in which I discussed novelty craving vs routine craving.
So. Socialising can be difficult with both ADHD and ASD. I'd like to go into them a little bit deeper because I know that a lot of people who suspect one or both conditions can have a hard time understanding what these social difficulties are.
As the chart says, autistic people have troubles intuitively reading social cues, while people with ADHD can miss social cues due to other inborn traits. Let's break this down a little.
One of the diagnostic criteria for ASD is a deficits in social communication. It includes back and forth communication, social cues like body language, tone of voice, right time to say/do things, etc. Autistic people can have a very hard time with all of these as we don't develop a natural understanding for social norms/cues/communication. We are born this way. Some of us might develop a mask, though, hiding our struggles and pretend that we understood that joke, pretending that we know how to react to a "you okay?" in a socially acceptable way. I personally have no idea what people expect me to say when they ask how I am, so I just say "good" cause I noticed that I can't exactly go wrong with that. (So far) I also don't really know at what point I'm friends with someone which would warrant an honest answer to a "how are you" (in my perspective).
Important note that autism is a spectrum, as we already know, and not every autistic person will relate to the social difficulties the same way. Some might have less difficulties than others, some might be able to make small talk or recognise some social cues while other might not.
This is not the case in ADHD. As far as we know, people with ADHD aren't born with these social deficits. Their social struggles come from their ADHD traits such as hyperactivity, impulsivity, hyperfocus/hyperfixation, attention regulation issues (as the chart also mentions), inattention. So if a person with ADHD misses a social cue it's not because of an inborn deficit, like in autism, but because their attention is somewhere else as they have difficulties regulating their attention. Because of this they are (like autistic people) very likely to receive bullying, abuse, mocking and develop social anxiety, which can make it more difficult for both ADHDers and autistics to connect and communicate freely.
Masking is very high in both conditions, a lot of people with one, the other or both learn how to hide their struggles even though it's draining, painful, and destroys our mental health.
As always, feel free to add your thoughts and experiences to this.
Source ~ Neuroclastic
[Image IDs: Ten slides from Neuroclastic. All descriptions from Neuroclastic.
All images have a black background with candy-colored rainbow text and graphics
Slide 1: image features a rainbow silhouette with a brain full of talk bubbles that have insults in them. Insults include crybaby, sensitive, freak, weirdo, suck up, snowflake, idiot, stupid, loser, boring, try hard, histrionic, gross, etc.
From the silhouette is a talk bubble that reads, "This is not my voice"
Image is titled, "On Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Codependency, & Identity"
Slide 2: Titled "Stages of losing contact with the core self"
There is a 5-point zig zag graph with the following stages
Early Relational trauma: Needs are ignored, punished, or shamed. Authentic expression feels pointless or even dangerous.
Rejections accumulate: As authentic attempts to meet needs fail, the rejections begin to wall off access to core self Masks form: Person survives by experimenting with various masks as reactions to volatile or unresponsive people. Core self is further distanced: Masks shield Core Self from abuse, scorn, & neglect, but the person becomes a mirror of others
Codependency: Only the reactive masks have access to others, so a person's existence is defined by the behavior, moods, & acceptance of others.
Slide 3: Titled "Formation of Identity Masks"
An animated character with rainbow coloured hair peeks over a brick wall, each brick containing different words and symbols, while some bricks remain empty. Text above the character reads: "Identity masks are worn to shape the behavior of others. Even if an identity is true to the Core Self, masks make a person seem more or less:
[Words and symbols in bricks]
Popular, amused emojil, fun, smart, heart eyes emoji, educated, disabled, oppressed, dedicated, social, sad emoji, neuroclastic, angry, magical, religious, fashionable, heart icon, normal, stable, mature, political, angry symbol, responsible, smirking emoji, rich, independent, sad emoji, fit, brave, seductive, masculine, heartbreak icon, qualified, vulnerable, skilled.
Slide 4: Titled "Disconnection from our Core Self"
Text below reads: Eventually, we lose contact with our Core Self so that no identity feels real. Identities become more like outfits to put on & wear in different settings the same way we change clothes.
Different bubbles each read:
We mask as someone new in every situation & context
Who we are in the moment depends on the moods & behaviors of people around us
We do not realize that others are not also wearing identities as clothing
We have learned that boundaries get us in trouble, so we don't set them
We are then shocked & feel rejected when others set boundaries
We think people who know themselves are performing and boundaries are rude
Slide 5: Titled "Identities as masks are Identity Cages"
A circle has various bullets emanating from it, each occupying its own oval.
Text within circle reads: RSD is a disconnect from your Core
Self & identity
Bullets are numbered below:
We think our masks are identities, so rejection of masks feels like loss of self
We shop for & borrow other people's identities like they are others flattering clothes
We have perfectionism & are hypercritical of ourselves & others
Because masks are fragile like clothing, mistakes feel like a torn or ruined self
Relationships feel fleeting & fall into toxic patterns of codependency
Slide 6: Titled "Markers of Codependency"
Different shapes with similarly shaped wiggly lines arranged in a 2x3 arrangement, outline different markers of codependency, as follows:
Obsessive about others' and & own behavior Sees, own & others' worth as conditional
Tries hard to be needed & to fix others because love feels like a reward for good behavior
Falls in love quickly, but also can immediately hate someone others to feel worthy
Feels empathetic because identity masks rely on others' emotions for minor offenses
Needs a lot of reassurance, attention, & validation from others to feel worthy
Slide 7: Titled "relationships and Codependency"
4 rectangles, each with different representative graphics and unique titles, leading to the one after them.
The first is titled "Dangerous Relationships" with a one character confidently speaking to/advising a seemingly downcast character.
Text reads: Often exploited by people who see them as an easy target because they are afraid to set boundaries or say "no"
The second is titled "Martyrdom and Resentment" with an uncertain looking character holding an unbalanced balance scale.
Text reads: Taking a passive role of servitude & giving too much, then feeling like a martyr when others do not reciprocate
The third is titled "Other-directed life" with a signpost, one sign reading @NeuroClastic while the other remains blank.
Text reads: Goals, feelings, & desires are responses to others & not reflections of own identity or needs
The fourth is titled "Chaos & Drama" with one character with their finger up, walking away from a confused looking character.
Text reads: Criticizes & blames self or others for minor problems, harshly judges self & others, & manipulates to make self the victim
Slide 8: Titled "Reconnecting To The Core Self"
A circle is divided in quadrants, each describing ways to reconnect with one's Core Self.
The first quadrant is titled: Locating the Core Self The Core Self is not lost, just disconnected. It is the internal voice asking, "Who am I?" and the source of grief beneath the masks. Try to focus on that voice and connecting with your Core Self..
The second quadrant is titled: Dropping the Masks Identity is the whole tree - the roots, trunk, leaves, and fruit. Masks are the parasitic vines of unhealthy relationships and trauma. Begin to remove the vines one at a time when it's safe to do so.
The third quadrant is titled: Losing Value Judgements Dissociating from the Core Self means a person sees the behavior as identity, then strives to be perfect and push others to never make mistakes. You are not your behavior.
The fourth quadrant is titled: Learn to Set Boundaries Boundaries are more effective than masks at protecting the Core Self and prevent you from focusing externally to depend on others to meet your needs and maintain your autonomy.
Slide 9: Various stone shapes containing text are linked by a curving line. The topmost stone reads: Claiming Your Identity
Other stones follow, respectively reading:
No one tells you who you are. You tell them who you are. Who you are does not depend on others.
Know that you do not have to accept harm for the comfort of others.
Ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I want to do it, or because I am afraid of rejection?"
Take small risks, gradually, that allow you to be who you are & build the courage to be disliked.
Work on discovering your Core Self without an audience until you know what you love & who you are.
Slide 10: A comparison between Co-dependence and Interdependence.
The co-dependence pointers remain on a black background, whereas the inter-dependence pointers are enclosed in pencil shaped boxes, which in turn are placed against a rainbow coloured background.
The co-dependence pointers read:
I never develop my own passions or refine my skills because I am living for others
I am jealous & resentful of other people's joy, success, & material possessions
I do not make decisions without people-pleasing & say "yes" when I want to say "no"
I cannot make mistakes because other people will reject, hurt, & abandon me
I become like the people around me & agree with them to fit in & avoid conflict
I manage relationships by controlling or submitting, giving too much or taking too much
The inter-dependence pointers read:
I take the time I need to discover my passions & develop my skills to be fulfilling to me
I do not need to win or be cenetred in order to find value in experiences
I set boundaries & decline to participate if something feels wrong to me
Mistakes are a healthy part of growth & an opportunity to learn & evolve
I do not lose my values or reduce myself to be accepted & don't need others to approve
I give & receive in mutual ways that benefit both me & the people in my life
End ID]
Further Reading from Neuroclastic:
Love how ADHD, autism and schizophrenia objectively have the same amount of traits and experiences in common, but schizophrenics aren't welcome in the metaphorical club house because they're bad for the image the neurodivergency movement is currently trying to capitalize on and with "love" I mean fuck y'all
I never manage to feel more alone than when I’m in a group of people
Yes there’s neurodivergency, but there’s also a point of taking it too far & advantage of the situation. Whether one’s got anxiety issues or not, that still isn’t an excuse for not putting in effort to grow mentally & to at least try to take consideration for others. My editor (who has Autism & Asperger’s) learned this mainly in some hard ways & realised how that can negatively impact the interactions, even if the people interacted with know of his conditions & even from his parents (especially his father). With codependency in mind (which isn’t actually a disability), it isn’t a good thing to encourage, but there are steps to alleviate its associated issues and overcome them & it’s ultimately up to the one with it to get through it instead of enablers fostering the negatives. Once the concessions are used complementarily instead of like crutches, the actual healing of the effects can begin.
I was talking about Pinkie Pie with someone and he gave me a hot take: Pinkie is meant to represent people with codependency issues and thus, not criticizing her character because she’s too needy is ableist and discourages kids with similar issues from relating to her. As a Pinkie Pie disliker person, what do you think about this take?
1. I gave this take the benefit the doubt and took some time to look up some info on codependency. The article I found has an important "Caution to Readers" section saying that while it was petitioned for codependency to be classified as a personality disorder, the American Psychiatric Association did not act on the proposal and therefore codependency does not have a medical consensus on whether it is or is not a disorder/disability. As a result, the definition and criteria for codependency has been shaped by self-help authors rather than psychiatric professionals, so the term has become too nebulous to be useful and is discouraged by some in the field.
2. It's worth pointing out that one of the reasons a relationship becomes codependent is when one side of the relationship enables the bad habits of the other. So Pinkie's friends placating her and capitulating to her tantrums is what's creating a codependent relationship. (See: Yakity Sax) The worst thing to do with someone who has codependency issues is enable their behavior, and this is something the article points out.
3. It's not Pinkie's codependency issues that are the problem. It's the fact that she doesn't learn from them and almost never makes the effort to improve in almost a decade's worth of episodes. If most of her episodes were like The Maud Couple, where she makes an effort to be better, there wouldn't be an issue. The article I cited earlier also has a section titled "Codependency is Recoverable. Denial is Not," and it says that "codependency is learned - and as such, can be unlearned." This means that if Pinkie Pie was meant to be a representation of people with codependency issues, she would be a very toxic one because she makes little to no effort in changing that behavior despite it being behavior that can be unlearned and despite being made aware of it several times over the course of the show, and that's more damaging to kids because it teaches complacency rather than growth.
Getting therapy, healthy coping mechanisms, taking your meds if you need them, that's all your responsibility. Even if codependency was a mental disorder (which, as we have established, it is not,) having a mental disorder is not a free pass to be inconsiderate of the people around you. Concessions can be made, but you still have to put in the effort to handle your issues.
4. It's not enough to be a representation. Said representation has to be good. If we just accept any representation of mental illness/disability in media regardless of how well or how accurate it's executed, we get episodes like Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep or characters like Mike from Total Drama.
I don't know if the person you were talking to genuinely believes in what they're saying or if they just don't like hearing criticism about a character they like, but their argument is faulty on several fronts regardless.
Tumblr really needs to stop encouraging people to just not expect neurodivergent people to have basic manners and consideration for others. We're more than capable of it, and Tumblr's insistence that we're not is itself ableist. They're saying we don't know how to operate as functional human beings and cannot possibly comprehend our neurotypical friends.
We CAN do those things because we're not incapable of learning. We just learn differently.
Here's the article I read for folks that wanna read more on the subject. https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships
Sleep Problems
My natural sleep cycle is 1am-9am (on a good night).
Since I'm starting college in August and I have a mandatory class at 8am, I have to get used to getting up around 7am.
Funny thing, during my senior year of high school, when I had to get up at 6:30, the quality of my sleep was horrible. It got worse when I burned out. After graduation, I could just follow my natural sleep cycle, and many of my sleep problems went away.
Now that my gap year is nearly over, we've tried to "reset my circadian rhythm," all the sleep problems are back in full force.
Sure, forcing me to get up early does make me pass out around 10pm, but it also results in constant nightmares, shallow/interrupted sleep, intense pain upon waking (my body feels like it's falling apart, even the thought of getting up makes it worse), lingering grogginess, and my constant/all-day fatigue is much less ignorable. In other words, short-term pain, no gain.
One alternative is to force myself through that first melatonin wave, since the effects of sleep-deprivation are preferrable to the above craziness. However, I don't think that 3 hours of sleep per night is a good solution long-term.
Anyone else deal with this? Do you have any suggestions?
HUGE FUCKING SHOUTOUT TO ARTISTS WHO HAVE TROUBLE IMPROVING THEIR ART FOR WHATEVER REASON. ARTISTS WHO CAN BARELY MANAGE TO DRAW IN GENERAL BECAUSE OF DISABILITIES, ILLNESS, MENTAL ILLNESS, EXHAUSTION OR BEING TOO BUSY WITH OTHER AFFAIRS. YOU ARE STILL A GOOD ARTIST. HAVING THE WILL TO IMPROVE BUT NOT THE MEANS SUCKS. YOU’RE STILL DOING GREAT! edit: lgbtq+ exclusionists do not fucking touch this post
hell o do any other autistic people dislike the term 'meltdown'? for me, the word has a lot of negative connotations because it feels like i'm being degraded and referred to as an uncontrollable tantruming child. i think i have a lot of trauma associated with the word because every time it's been used about me, it's been from teachers who really should not have been around autistic children at all, using it to describe a kid they did not understand, a kid they only saw as bratty, unreasonable, stupid and purposely hard to deal with. it just makes me feel icky and it feels really infantilising to have a term that's usually associated with bratty kids be used to describe a hard-to-understand, unique and painful inner turmoil caused by sensory distress. but that's just my experience.
you know what? let's put a poll here for funsies because i'm genuinely interested in seeing what the people who come across this post think about the word!!
; the problem is I've started assuming people don't actually want my honest opinion when they ask for it because I've been called rude or had people be offended when I do, but now people have started complaining that I'm " lying to them " when I compliment them instead and I'm like. ☹️ what.
Why are neurotypicals always like "What do you think? Give me your honest opinion." and then they get upset when you tell them your honest opinion? You can just. Ask. For a compliment. You can ask for support.
Why do they do it? Do they think they sound selfish if they ask for compliments?? Do they think *I* sound selfish when I ask for compliments??
If you're neurotypical and you're reading this, please just ask for compliments when you want them and ask for people's honest opinions when you actually want them.
Thanks for reading!
; when you use a tonetag and they use a tonetag back >>>
; ID: a userbox with a white background and a light pink outline. There is a small pink heart on the left inside a square, and on the right is the words " this user thinks you deserve to be happy " in pink. :end ID
; finding out you're neurodivergent is just an " oh " drawn out and progressively getting louder the more you learn about your neurotype.
As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.
Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.
The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.
I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.
I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.
As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.
95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'
I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.
That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.
There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.
My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.
Borderline patients can't win.
And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.
BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.
Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.
And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.
I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.
Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.
Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.
To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.
I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.
I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.
You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.
Borderline people I'm sorry.
aspd creature :3
[more versions under the cut]
(the colors are picked from @npdsafe’s aspd flag!)
hpd creature doodles (ft. autism creature)
please stop getting angry at your friends for doing neurodivergent things like talking too fast, getting angry, having no empathy, having too much empathy, crying, stimming, saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times, forgetting dates or numbers or names, not understanding why youre angry, not getting jokes. add on more things if you want
"How do you have so much energy all the time ???"
I don't, I'm constantly tired but I'm also being the class clown because I have abandonment issues and adhd
They need an autistic nail salon where they don’t actually do nails and you js talk about your hyperfixations but whatever
I think the most autistic thing I've ever done was repeat the information I learned from my dad that our surname would've been (Künstman, although the "ü" being most likely changed to just "u" on paper as we are American) to my 3rd grade teacher without any of the information actually on hand, but because one of my dad's grandmas (or was it great-grandma? I don't remember exactly what he said) having remarried, our last name has been changed to "Gatlin," which, apparently can and will result in dumbass americans asking "like the gun?"—referring the the Gatling Gun (notice the clear "g")—as that has happened too many times to my mom.
If that wasn't changed (and it kinda hasn't for my dad but also has somehow), I also possibly could've been bullied further by my grademates purposefully mispronouncing it something awful like "cuntsman," (obviously not knowing the word "cunt" or what it meant cause we were fucking kids who definitely didn't know all the swears. I mean, I sure as hell didn't in 3rd grade; i just knew that one was very bad, like maybe even worse than "fuck," and, at the time, most americans in elementary school are told that's a very bad word, usually by their parents), which would've fucking sucked, but the worst I got with my surname on record was kids either pronouncing it "Caitlin" (like the first name) or "Gatling" (like the gun named after the inventor). Not nearly as bad.
Yeah, i don't have many fond memories of public school. At least that teacher was nice and was actually a great help.
Though, something I thought I should've added in the comments (but the character limit would've been reached, so had I tried to, I would've needed more than one comment):
(note under the cut)
Not always are neurodivergent people autistic, but they tend to go hand-in-hand, and, from what I've seen, MANY neurodivergent people are also autistic.
As an example, my siblings are both autistic with ADHD, both my brother and I have bipolar 2, and I have 2 anxiety disorders (which iirc might count?) on top of all that and maybe possibly ADHD myself due to some of my symptoms not being in my other disgnosis.
It's not just ADHD and autism that counts as neurodivergency; any disorder that alters the brain counts.
Fellow neurodivergent ppl, do you ever get shocked at how fucking autistic you are