Vent//

Vent//

Bpd culture is friend keeps asking to know what i did to my friend during an outburst and why i cut then off from my friend and i dont want to tell her but she claims she’s as “mentally ill as me” but then gets mad when i split on her because she constantly ignores me. Lying ass poser bitch

.

remembering the fact bpd is considered a terminal illness and my own brain is trying to constantly kill me. im never going to be okay.

bpd is not knowing if you’re a good person or if you’re a bad person and you’re just gaslighting yourself to believe you’re a good person.

CW: VENT

i just want to give up already. I don't even know who i am anymore.

i dont know how i made it to 19. i still feel like i should’ve died at 15. ive been crying for the last week because i cant come to terms with this. i wasnt supposed to make it this far. its only hitting me now that i have to be an adult and try to function normally. but i just cant. i have horrible anxiety that caused me to drop out of all of my classes on the first day of school and immediately switch to online. im unable to maintain a job as well. it makes me feel stupid and childish compared to other people my age. it really hurts knowing that i’ll have to live like this for the rest of my life. its become extremely tempting to just try and give up again.

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.