Long Poem - Tumblr Posts

"Why does the blue,

blue sky always capture

my eye with its tidepools

of winds lurking about

in the air and sea foam

of clouds ebbing away

from the breaking

shoreline of a skyline,

where birds are the fish

of the endless welkin

and trees are the seaweed

of the ocean's bottom;

do I long for the beauty

of the undiscovered

or do I ache for the

infinite freedom?"

      -EL

"How the cover was frayed and aged,

granular and delicate like sand

between my toes.

The cracking and shuffling as I open it

warn me of its secrets like the

midnight train derailing.

Yellowing of pages remind me

of the dimming moonlight

that ignites vigilant souls.

Mildew and laundry soap waft up

from the ink and invade my head

like unwanted memories.

The story invites me in,

so I take the chance and dive

into the pool of fantasy."

   -EL

“The thick silence

furnished the room

with textures and layers

of movement. Hushed

hums of the AC

turning on and off

again are paced in six

minute increments.

Muted conversations

on the TV screen

end with kisses

to fill the night.

Faint creaks from sturdy walls

and old floorboards

crawl through the

stillness. Rattles

from the ceiling fan

travel, spin,

and seep in

the thick silence,

furnishing the room;

and I thought, for a second,

I heard you.

“Someday, I hope to apologize

to myselves.

To the little girl lost

in the commotion of a new age

and social development

that would eventually be-

little you.

To the addict who ate

from the invisible pyre

I kept feeding, deep

in the woods of sunless days,

only for you to suffer

and writhe in its embers.

To the depressed manic fraught

with such an incurable ache

that it’s left you broken,

and beaten,

torn, and defeated.

And scarred.

To the cold shoulder stoic left

looming the night, stuck

colliding blindly into anything

without a second thought;

perpetually rambling,

looking for something.

But today, to the self that stands,

congratulations. Thank you.

And to the future

woman-sized girl,

good luck.”

   -EL

“I wasn’t born a beautiful lover

like the ones you see in movies:

the ‘I would part oceans

and lasso the moon for you

just because you said to’ lover.

No, I’m much more flawed;

I’m violent and unrelenting

like the angry waves

in the middle of the sea

crashing down on a drown victim.

I’m as dry and life-sucking

as the surface of Venus

and as chilling as Pluto’s.

I’m the tortured haunting

heaving through the halls

leaving you awake and shaken

and lying stiff in bed.

I’m the tornado you see

on the horizon, hurling

towards you, only for it

to graze the outskirts of town.

I’m the mess your mama

always warned you about,

terminal and deadly,

but I was born the lover

you find only once, the

‘I will love you with everything’

lover.”

   -EL

“oh how the cinnamon

whiskey clings to my throat

as if i could breathe fire

and how the horrendous

tequila swishes to only

get me buzzed

in a confused and carefree

mass laughter filling

the streets silence

others complain its too cold

standing outside under the trees

i can feel

the cold but i cant

feel the pain behind the chill

as the glow courses

through my body

and my head as light

as pin pricks”

   -EL

“She was a train wreck that left

smoldering bits of metal scattered

among splattered blood

that resembled an art

gallery. She was

every tragic-background, angst-

ridden character you’ve seen

rolled into one.

The moon envied how

translucent her skin

had become,

bats could live in the dark circles

under her eyes, and she looked

more and more like the skeletons

she wished to avoid. Each night,

with eyes drooping and a hand

clutching some bottle,

the slow burn of alcohol

wrapped her with the only warmth

her body ever knew.”

   -EL

“My bones flushed pink

and charred red wherever

you touched. Our bodies

became welded together,

a mangled pile of marrow,

and I became a skeleton:

red and dancing, hung

by the strings in your closet.

My war drum of a heart

wasn’t enough. You

sawed away

as bone dust remained

and my pink faded to lilac.”

   -EL

“I sank to the bottom

of the shower and down

the drain, put my mouth

around the copper pipes,

and held my breath. I twisted

the volume dial to the point

of bleeding ears and drove

and drove and

dove

into my disassociating mind (again)

while my chest vibrated in time

with the bass and I wished

to be warped around the base

of a tree.

I shuffle pages of textbooks

until my eyes go numb,

until the skin on my hands

are paper thin, until

my veins become fountain pens.”

   -EL

🌕

A poem I wrote after fainting at work and seeing the reactions of those around me. Someone had made an insensitive joke and inspired me to write this. I put a lot of heartache into this so I hope others who ache too can enjoy. I personally think it's some of my best.

-Michael

life

it's just a cycle

feel pain

feed off of it

never make yourself feel better

never comfort yourself

never feel like you are anything

bottle up your feelings all throughout the day

cry in your pillow at night

because nothing is okay

nothing ever will be

bad stuff will happen

so will good stuff

but the bad stuff that happened will always stay with you

there's always going to be a voice at the back of your head

that makes the bad stuff happen

even if no bad stuff actually happened

and then you feel pain

and feed off of it

and the cycle repeats

again again and again

until the day you die.

I Realise Today

I didnt realize I was

Dangerously clingy 

Until today

Until you told me 

I realize now 

My last lover 

Wasnt scared of going 

Too fast 

Or whatever else

She said to me 

She was tired of me 

Holding too tightly 

I realize now 

Needy as a newborn 

That I'll push you away 

If I continue 

I realize now 

That I pour everything 

Into my relationships 

I give nothing to myself 

I'm starved for love 

Since I give myself none 

I have a tendency 

To expect too much 

I realize I give 

You everything I've got 

Expect everything in return 

No one will give me that 

Its unwise 

Unhealthy to expect 

This kind of equality 

When I'm burning at both ends 

Attempting to satisfy you

Your needs 

Giving too much 

Overfilling your cup

I want and want 

Need and need 

Eat and eat

Give and give 

Far too much 

You cant compete 

Youre scared that you're giving 

Far too little in comparison 

I realize today 

I need to back up 

Take some time to myself 

Love you from a distance for a while

I realize today 

It's become a need 

Just like I feared it would be 

A deadly drug dragging me down

I dont want to let go 

You make me feel 

Better than I've felt 

In years past 

I realize now 

Maybe some time apart

Will take away that need 

Replace it with something healthy 

I realize now 

This is more rant 

Than poem 

Too much truth 

I dont believe half of what

I say or do

I cant trust 

What I feel 

I realize 

I'm a walking contradiction 

That needs to calm down

Decide what I want 

Though I know

There's one certainty

Other than change, death, and taxes

My love for you will never waiver 

Though my heart aches 

My stomach churns 

My eyes burn 

I will do what's best

Take a step back

Give you room to breathe 

Stay on the ledge of love 

Stay away from that pit of addiction 

how can i wish to be eternal

when some days

i don’t even want

to be alive long enough

for the summer grapes

to sour

i cling desperately

to preserve

everything i have now

wrapping it in layers of

saran wrap

like my mother taught me

with yesterday’s leftovers

and tomorrow’s ripe avocados

but how can i stop the death

of something that is

ready to let go

i grasp at fate

in the dark

like a child

again.

A Coward's Guide To Being Brave

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave

One

Fake it till you make it

Keep smiling till it’s real

Keep talking till you find

It’s getting easier

Two,

Give second chances

To those that you know

Compassion can change

And learn when

A second chance

Will only hurt you

Three,

Be honest

If only with yourself

About how you feel and

How you don’t

Discover what your passions are

And relearn yourself again

Four,

Keep both feet on the ground

You’re not meant

To be walked over

Or to keep falling down

Until your knees are bruised

Five

You are a work of art

Treat yourself like

You are holy and

You are in control

Even if you’re hurting and you’re bleeding

Your scars inside and out

Make you a canvas of the human life

Six,

Remind yourself you are worthy

You are cared for

And your experiences cannot

Define you forever

Because it’ll hurt

And forever is a long time

For you to forget

You are worthy

Seven,

Remember you’re not a coward

When it’s hard and you

Can’t remember what it’s like

For the sun to shine and the rain

To give you a break

Even when it’s hard to recall

When you loved yourself

And you just keep faking it

But you feel you

Will never make it

You are not a coward.

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave.

-A coward

GREAT MEN

HONOR

GREAT DEATH

A Family Saying

A Phrase Spilled From My Fathers Lips

The Second He Knew I Heard Him

I Didn’t Understand Him

I Didn’t Know “Great Death” (yet )

And Thinking Back On It

I Really Shouldn’t Have To

Know It

I Shouldn’t Even Know Death

Until Later, Until Much Later.

So Then I Learned Great Death

My Mother

Was Great Death

And It Turned Out That

I’ve Known Great Death

All Along

And Maybe I Honored Her

In My Own Way

But My Father Disagreed

I Cried My Eyes Out

At Eleven

For Hours

For Days

Without Break

Nor Sleep

But I Guess I Didn’t Honor Her

The Right Way

Since My Father Was Mad

While And After I Grieved

He Never Got Out Of It

So Maybe That Was Honoring Great Death

It Changing You Forever

But Then,

Then I Would’ve Succeeded

Right?

Then I Would’ve Honored Her

Right?

Because I Wasn’t The Same.