Source: Brooklyn Nine Nine - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Peggy: Here are two pictures. One of them is your room, and the other is the garbage dump.
Jack: *points at a picture* That one is the dump.
Peggy: tHEY’RE BOTH YOUR ROOM!
Daniel: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.
Jack: Okay, but in my defense, Peggy bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Daniel: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
Jack: What? No! You’re the one farting bubbles.
Rhoda: The guests are all here and nothing is ready. We don’t have a ring, the cake says ‘Gordon and Rogur’ and the smoke machine is not working.
Mr Bungee: I could crouch by the altar and vape.
Rhoda: You are a stone-cold atrocity.
Hyunjin:(talking about Seungmin)
Minho: oh yeah that’s that guy you said all the lame stuff about like he’s a good listener
Hyunjin: Well what do you look for in a guy?
Minho (checking out Jisung): important stuff like the shape of his ass
In the Featherington gardens
Colin: This is where we were the night we fell in love.
Penelope: Colin.
Colin: The night we kissed for 15 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.
Jackie: And I figured PR would be the easiest path to launching my reality show "Jackie said go".
Donna: I thought your reality show was to be called "Jackie in a bottle".
Jackie: No, that was my fragrance line, keep up!
Eric, after coming back from Africa: I've been through hell.
Jackie: Big deal, I worked at the Cheese Palace at the mall for a whole year. So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there.
Jackie: I do not have a crush on Steven.
Donna, holding up a piece of paper: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Jackie: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Donna: My mistake.
*Red and Kitty are having problems*
Hyde: You two just need to bone.
Eric: *panic*
Red: What did you say?
Eric, whispering: Don't say it again.
Hyde: I said you two need to bone.
Red: How. Dare. You. Steven J. Hyde. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!
*5 minutes later*
Red: BONE?!
*10 minutes later*
Red: What happens in my bedroom, Steven, is none of your business.
*21 minutes later*
Red: BONE?!
*40 minutes later*
Red: Don't ever speak to me like that again. [leaves the room]
Eric: Why would you do that?
Hyde: Now he knows, problem solved. You're welcome.
Jackie: I was born for politics.
Jackie: I have great hair, and I love lying.
Eric: Jackie got me a 'get better soon' card.
Donna: That's nice of her.
Eric: I wasn't sick, she just thought I could do better.
Jackie: What's the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?
Donna: The audacity.
Eric: Jackie, I screwed up, big time.
Jackie: Given your daily life experiences, you're gonna have to be more specific.
Susie: Hello Meta Knight. You're looking old and sickly.
Meta Knight: So nice of you to greet us, Susie. I thought surely you'd still be crushed under that house in munchkin-land.
Susie: Sticks and stones, Meta Knight.
Meta Knight: Describing your breakfast?
Susie: How do you like my new office. 20th floor.
Meta Knight: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.
I've only had Kirby for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Tiff, after the first Kirby: Right Back at Ya! episode
Hal: Bonjour, Bruce. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Bruce: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Hal: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.
sirius to christopher in atyd: everytime you talk, I hear the sound that plays when pac-man dies