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Jean: So, what gives? We haven’t seen either of you at work since you adopted John.

Scott: Being a DILF is a full time job, Jean.

Pietro: God, please just say parenting!

Peter: All odd numbers have an ‘e’ in them!

Scott: Peter, It’s three am.

Peter: . . .

Peter:  t-h-r-E-E

Scott: GO TO SLEEP!!!

Jean: Jubilee’s chapstick tastes real nice.

Scott: You two kissed?

Jean: What! No-

Jubilee: She ate it.

Jean: *facepalms*

Scott: I am a simple person.

Scott: I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of soup. I leave.

John: Technically if you eat them all at once it’s one serving!

Scott: . . .

Scott: I like the way you think, Kid.

Pietro: NO!

Jubilee: While you were in that other universe a lot happened. Jean was the Dark Phoenix, Wanda found out that her twins were reincarnated, and I think Charles is dating Erik, again.

Scott: Wow . . . uh, Pietro is an Avenger now and we moved in together.

Pietro: No, we didn’t.

Scott: But we’re gonna.

What sort of relationship do you think would Lorna and Jean have and what type of aunt would Lorna be to Rachel (I have this thing where Lorna is a mother figure to Rachel and even adopts her in the original timeline. Kinda like to me like Silvercyclops adopting Pyro is to you but x10000000000000) (I’m sorry the Pyro-Silvercyclops thing was a bad joke from me)

Lorna is the oldest kid so most of the other Xavier-Lehnsherrs look up to her. She’s kind of a distant figure, but when she and Jean meet up it’s like they were never apart. As an aunt, she’s definitely the rich aunt who spoils her niblings rotten! Rachel is only two years younger than Luna, so they’re close enough in age that she’ll spend time with them together. Lorna will let them choose what they do that day, whether they want to go shopping, go to a baseball game, or they want to excavate ancient ruins(this has happened exactly three times). Lorna does joke that she’d be happy to raise them as her own, but she’s secretly glad that Jean and Pietro are settling down and raising families. She’s glad, even though Jubilee is the most hyper person she’s ever met and Scott is the second whitest person she’s ever met.

Ororo: Wow, I didn’t know that you’re bi.

Scott: What? Just because I wear flannel I’m bi?

Ororo: That’s not what–

Scott: Just because I like making weird voices and my own sound effects when telling a story?

Alex: No one thinks–

Scott: Just because I cry while watching Queer Eye?

Ororo: We get it, you’re not–

Scott: Just because I slept with Pietro a couple of times that makes me bi!

Alex: Fine, you’ve made your–

Alex: Wait, what?!

Scott: Just because I use hair products and can’t sit in a chair properly?

Ororo: No, go back to that last part.

Cable: Let's play Two Truths and a Lie. I'll start: my hair is brown, I’m from the future, and Scott's my biological dad. Scott: I think you should make it a little more challenging. Peter: Baby, his hair is silver… Scott: WAIT YOU'RE MY WHAT???

Scott: WHO’S YOUR MOM?!?

Cable: I’m gonna be honest, for the first twenty years of my life I thought it was Peter.

Peter: . . . what?

Cable: Look, I’m not that smart. I also have two older siblings that I met after being abducted. Logically, the conclusion was that Peter’s my mom. Well, we all called you Ocko.

Scott: Yeah, you’re definitely my son.

Peter: We have three kids in the future?!

Cable: That I know of.

Raven: The school’s policy is if you see something, say something.

Kurt: Ren!

Raven: Yeah?

Kurt: Yesterday I saw a big frog!

Raven: Thank you. This is exactly what I mean.

Scott: I’m giving up alcohol for a month.

Pietro: Really? Good luck!

Scott: Oh, that came out wrong. I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month.

Scott: Guys, this is my boyfriend. Pietro, these are my friends.

Pietro: Why are they looking at me that way?

Jubilee: Scott acts as sort of a dad for the group. Emotionally, this is like being told that you’re our new mom.

Pietro: You know it is not like that at all, right?

Kurt: Absolutely, do you cook macaroni?

Scott: I really need to start dating again.

Charles: Based on your last ten thousand comments, your ideal partner would be Jean’s head on Pietro’s body.

Scott: Or vice versa!

Charles: God, there are so many bloody ways you can fuck up children!

Erik: At least we didn’t overpraise our kids.

Charles: . . .

Erik: Right?

Charles: . . . r i g h t . . .

Jubilee: Every time I ask you to sign my yearbook you say “I’m waiting for senior year.”

Jubilee: It’s senior year, you’re signing my fucking yearbook!

Jean: No, HAGS.

Jubilee: NO!

please don’t go

Focus: Scott

TW: None Apply

Wordcount: 1045

Read it on AO3 here

Note: In which Scott comes across a young X-23 packing her bags, preparing to run off. — This fic is part of a personal AU of X-Men Evolution being worked on by my friends and I. In it, Laura accepted Logan’s offer to stay at the institute (which actually happened earlier in season 2). This fic is a glimpse into what it was like.

(this was actually beta’d by the lovely @incorrectsilvercyclopsquotes :D. I wouldn’t love it as much as I do if it weren’t for them <3)

Keep reading

X-Men as The Onion headlines:

Scott: Jealousy? I have no need for such base, infantile nonsense. My partner and I are as solid as the rose quartz my glasses are made of.

Crystal: *looks vaguely in Pietro’s direction*

Scott: I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!

Rogue: Can you help me? I’m having guy trouble.

Jean: I haven’t dated a man in fifteen years.

Jubilee: I haven’t dated a man since I met Jean.

Ororo: I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction.

Irene: Ren was in their female form when I met them.

Raven: Seduce him, take his money, and kill him.

Scott: NONE OF THAT! Come on, Rogue, I’m going to help you get a boyfriend.

Rogue: Raven and Irene didn’t raise a quitter but they did raise a homosexual idiot.

Kurt: More than one.

Scott: Hey, Emma. It’s me, Scott.

Emma: I don’t know where Pietro is. I can try to call him?

Scott: No, I’m not looking for my better half.

Pietro: Do I have something on my face?

Scott: What?

Pietro: You have been staring at me for at least ten minutes.

Scott: Oh, uh, no. There’s nothing on your face.

Pietro: Then why are you staring at me?

Scott: Honestly?

Pietro: Yes.

Scott: I just really want to play with your hair.

Pietro: Wanda? I . . . I am attracted to men as well as women, I am attracted to everyone.

Wanda: I am aware.

Pietro: I am dating Scott Summers.

Wanda: . . .

Wanda:

Lorna: Alright. It’s hard to keep track of who’s marrying who and who’s adopting who, so to keep things simple, I made a family tree. | Lorna: *holds up a paper with a bunch of scribbles on it. | Lorna: Alright, Peter, you are my wife. | Lorna: Oh sorry, I made a mistake. | | Lorna: I spelled ‘disappointment to the entire family’ as ‘wife’

Peter: A common mistake, it should be D.T.T.E.F.

Luna: I don’t think Ocko is a disappointment! I’m part of the family! He’s not a disappointment, right Dad?

Scott: Sweetie, yesterday we had to remind him how to work a flashlight, while he was grading physics homework. He’s smart, but he is a disappointment.  Peter: Exactly, Miláčik.

Ororo: What is Scott to you?

Pietro: He is the reason that I wake up in the morning.

Ororo: Aw, that’s nice!

Scott: *barging into their bedroom that morning* WAKE UP HONEY! WAKE THE FUCK UP! I SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE AGAIN! I WAS TRYING TO MAKE CEREAL!! WHY DO YOU STILL LET ME COOK!?!?!?!