Disorganized Attachment - Tumblr Posts
Compilation of tips i learned during years of managing treatment-resistant bpd
1.) challenge your thoughts productively not critically; beating yourself up for the sake of "doing better" is in fact not going to help you do better
2.) accept yourself for where youre at. Dont deny the unpalatable sides of your behaviors, when you accept them wholeheartedly they very quickly calm down. Acceptance is not inherently synonymous with condoning
3.) Dont begrudge yourself. Right now social media internet culture makes it normalized that you cant have mistakes, or else youre irredeemable. this leads to people knocking others down to compensate for the fact they might mess up themself, and to be honest imo this is mostly kids and teenagers. i promise you there is no mentally ill child or teenager on earth that will ever be comparable to people knowingly abusing real authority & power in the real world
4.) dont begrudge others. You dont have to like people, but holding long-term grudges especially once they're out of your life will hold you down. Its ok to be angry, it is ok to mourn past or current relationships with people. Though when youre ready, attempt to reflect productively in a way that doesnt include "all good" or "all bad" statements. (black n white thinking)
5.) nuance; allow yourself to think in shades of gray. Do not confine yourself to one point of view. Regardless of if you like a situation/person/event/etc, having productive cognitive empathy is a really good thing for understanding the relationships and interactions in your life. For example, give yourself & others 'credit' by putting yourself in their shoes. This helps break down "this is unfair" confusion and abuse cycles that come with it. Often, in unfair situations, knowing my Real Point and the other persons' Real Point helps me manage those interactions or relationships. (99.999999% of fights Often the 'point' of convos get missed and people will spiral into nitpicking minute details unrelated or vaguely related at best)
6.) boundaries are about what you can do for yourself, not how you can influence other people's actions. You really cannot control other people, so dont rely on others to have the 100% foolproof response all the time to things that really matter to you. Its ok to walk out of friendships if they dont work, its ok to walk out if someone is not respecting boundaries you set, and boundaries dont always have to exclusively be and stop at "can u not do xyz" because ultimately you cant control others ever. Do what works for you
7.) its ok for people to drift, and its ok for people to come and go
8.) my fav advice; maybe it aint that deep just walk away. not worth it. no need to defend myself, gooodbyeeee strangers on internet who do not really care about niche social issues that they pretend to care and preach about amen
“Feelings buried alive never die.”
Karol Truman
Is there a term to describe people with "trauma" who don't know if theirs even constitutes as trauma? And if it is, then it's not as bad as it could've been? Like instead of having drug dealing parents who beat you into a concussion weekly, you had parents who never seemed to quite be proud of you, parents who had a clear favorite, could be considered abusive to certain degrees but verbally abusive more often than physically? What about the guilt that comes with it? I would like to know for several purposes...
People aren't joking when they say progress isn't linear... I hate it here
Oh I don't like how my parents are treating me... But I guess it's normal. I'll try to be better :)
Hm. Being better didn't work. Maybe I'll try again. :)
Okay maybe I'm just having some trouble. They could be nicer about it though
Okay. They're definitely mistreating me. Someone help?
Hm. Maybe I should run away. Maybe if they find out how much they're hiring me, they'll stop.
They know... They don't care. I wish someone would come and save me.
Maybe if I tell them again, they'll care this time and change?
They still don't care. I'll leave at 18. I can make it.
Not sure if I can make it that long, but at least it's not as bad as it was before.
Maybe I was just overreacting and it's not that bad. It could've been way worse
It was pretty bad. Once I move out, I'm cutting them off.
But I can't abandon them.... They're my family...
But I wouldn't let my friends be treated that way. I should stick to the plan
The plan didn't work, but I still plan to cut contact.
But I've been a burden for a while. The least I could do is repay them and stick around. It doesn't matter if I'd let my friends do it. They're not as awful as me
They're back at it.... I'm leaving... When I finally get the money
Oh so you're just going to use them until you get on your feet and then abandon them????
Don't you just love it when you start doubting everything just because your abuser got you Christmas presents and acted normal for two days?
And people wonder how you get stuck in the cycle...
It's wild how abusers will normalize things and use different language to make it sound okay.
"spanking" instead of "hitting" or "beating" unless they're threatening you. Once it's over, you got *spanked" and not "beaten."
I've known for a while that my parents were physically abusive when I was growing up, but I was afraid to call what they did "beating" until recently. I had a conversation with someone I grew up with, and that's what she called it. I was dumbfounded for a second before I stopped and thought about it. Then, I felt validated and heard.
Abuser got me an expensive gift and now I'm spiraling again...
I'm trying to leave but... If I cut contact, I'll feel guilty and everyone except one person who relates will hate me...
Sometimes, I don't want to heal. Healing almost feels like a betrayal to myself. I know what they've done, and the damage will never be fully healed. It almost scares me to think that I might forget or become numb to it. As long as the wounds stay open, and I still feel the burning pain, it's real. I can't trick myself into thinking it's not.
There are other times when I don't want to heal because people might not believe me. I've already plenty who don't, but it would be so much worse if someone saw evidence of my trauma but didn't believe me because the rest of my personality and coping mechanisms seem normal. If I stay broken, the smaller cracks are less noticable, and they're easier to explain. Obviously, a shattered window is going to have both big and small cracks and might even be missing some pieces.
Sometimes healing just doesn't seem worth it because I feel like my life should be perfect once I'm past that point. People have it worse, and the worst is behind me, so I have no right to be this way.
I don't know. I'm not sure I want to heal
she’s a 10 but doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions and goes from super obsessed to completely cold
He’s a headache 🔫 (my attachment disorder girl music video)
Love gets recycled.
To my anxiously attached people, that is me. The love that you poured into another individual will get recycled. You will love again. You will love again. The ache will get dull over time, I promise. If you went through a break-up recently and you were a very crafty person, trust that you will be able to go back to your crafts without thinking about them. One day you will actually stop thinking about them and trust me when I say this, it will feel so weird. It will be another type of ache but it is much better than the ache of heart break.
I don't know who wrote this. That's the whole point of the unsent project but I resonate with it so much. The person that changed my views on life, on love, on myself, her name starts with a G. The thing is I could lay here in my bed and keep typing and typing about her but I am not gonna do that.
There is a saying, where attention goes, energy flows. This person doesn't deserve my energy anymore. I genuinely wish her the best now but I will not allow myself to be consumed by someone who isn't mine anymore. I would like to think that some part of her is still mine, that maybe in the future we'll make it right and love again but truth is that is just my delusions talking.
To whoever is reading this right now, if you are hung up on someone, please know that at the end of the day all they are is a person, an individual, a human. We have 8 billons of those on this earth. I know that when we love someone, they become everything. They are everything to us but please remember that without your attention, that person isn't actually special. The only thing making them special is your fixation on them. If you wanna heal. Let that fixation go. Let those day dreams go. It sucks. But it works and it's worth it.