Anxious Attachment - Tumblr Posts

Well damn, you didn't have to call me out like that-

What Rafal's Physical and Immaterial Coolness Could Represent

❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️

As a forewarning, this post is more... observational and has less of a singular, hard-hitting point to it. (Also, see Conan Gray's "Fight or Flight" song for reference, as, most of this post occurred to me in relation to that very song, if you interpret parts of it as representing Rafal's internal monologue on the subject of Rhian's substitutes during Rise.)

Also, this is a long post, so it's going under a cut.

⸻

Why is Rafal's immediate response to personal hurt avoidance of all things? Isn't that kind of a heightened, overly instinctive, clearly "uncool" reaction to have?

And yet, strangely, we still classify it as in character for him. His leaving was, arguably, the most iconic and true-to-self thing he did across both prequels. So, I want to ask: why is that?

That he just up and left seems apathetic and could be construed as part of his cold, cool nature, of course, but still—when we look at what his reaction truly is: he chose flight.

(Flight as opposed to the alternative fight, freeze, or fawn responses.)

FLIGHT! Like, can you believe it? This man, who's so headstrong and willing to stare down anything, chose flight. Let that revelation sink in. (Maybe this is more obvious than I think, but I can't believe I hadn't thought of this weird discrepancy before. Flight!)

Anyway, to explain Rafal's reaction to (potentially) having been emotionally hurt by his argument and corresponding bet with Rhian at the start, I'm going to reference a theory from an old post, as it has suddenly become relevant once again.

In short, the idea is about how Rhian's expressions of authority are personal while Rafal's are nearly always impersonal. Rhian is a master of social dynamics, considering how deftly he lies in Fall to gain favor from others and influence their views of him. And, this makes sense because he once cared so much about how he was perceived, as we take into account his original self-consciousness and his high-minded, conscionable tendencies from Rise. He is the one who wields interpersonal power as Rafal, correspondingly, wields impersonal (often more tangible and brutish) power.

If anyone would like more elaboration, here's an excerpt from that old post:

The strange thing is, in Fall, Rafal admits to having conceded a lot of the time to Rhian in the past, in the face of smaller, pettier arguments, a trend which also represents his yielding to Rhian's (supposedly nonexistent) authority in the early days. That tendency seems self-contradictory of Rafal, but perhaps, even Rafal's authority is situational. He's capable of exercising it over everything and world, but not over his own brother. He can't rein Rhian, the inevitable force, the "fatal" (to invoke both death and "fate") tides of change, the Prime Mover, in. Meanwhile, Rhian is the inverse of that. Rhian cannot exercise authority over everything and the world, but he can do so over his own brother. Besides, Rafal, often by sorcery or by outright manhandling, manipulates and exerts his physicality over others and his environment while Rhian rarely does. And yet, Rafal (from what I remember) never so much as lays a hand on Rhian during Rise (in Fall, everything changes and escalates). I don't yet know why this is, but I think this observation is true most of the time. At least, I haven't thought of any exceptions yet. The working hypothesis I have is that Rhian (being the brother who chose to stay in the comfort and limited confines of the home, according to the Bettelheim text's ideas) only initially felt comfortable to do anything there. To act, and exercise his authority in an intimate, narrow, personal way. By contrast, Rafal (the more worldly, well-traveled, and inconstant brother) wants to gain independence from their stifling "home" life, under the Storian, and, as a result, upon his return, could've felt like a stranger in his own home and with Rhian (who's also changed in his brother's absence regardless). Thus, while Rafal can certainly exercise his authority impersonally, he doesn't feel at ease exercising authority over the familiar because it could be too close for comfort, too unsettling, unsettlingly different and the same, like he can't shed the disbelonging that drove him out of the fairy-tale construct of the "home" as a safe, childhood refuge in the first place—when Rhian first questioned his very core purpose and Evil's existence.

Thus, again, Rafal's ability to wield power is, without exception (I think), always impersonal.

The closest he comes to Rhian's brand of power, which involves acting on a smaller scale or more on an individual, one-to-one level and being intimate, are his interactions with Hook and Midas. And, despite those seductive instances, Rhian is still the master of all the smaller scale exploits, like with Hephaestus and the Pirate Captain rescuing him from the Doom Room where he'd been "abandoned," whenever these acts are in fact intentional.

Yes, Rafal possibly unwittingly, by being more open with his victims, has broader appeal, but that side of him isn't all pure strategy, done with intentionality. Part of it is just how he is. Rhian, unlike his brother, strikes at something inside people that doesn't just rely on scare tactics and classic, one-dimensional intimidation. In Fall, he gains a creepiness factor and the ability to lie convincingly, importantly, without blushing.

Also, I want to commentate a little on Rafal's novel instance of blushing during Fall, which was quite unlike his usual self.

First, here's some context about physical coolness, the socially-perceived "cool factor," and how blushing can only ever be sincere and is valuable because it is involuntary from Quiet by Susan Cain:

I suspect Fall aimed to establish Rafal as more "trustworthy," and as more subject to having humility thrust upon him, than he had been in Rise, when he had previously been insurmountable.

Yet then, after that "invulnerable," unaffected precedent he set about himself, he started blushing, signaling that he suddenly began to care, and that the opposite was true of Rhian as Rhian changed throughout Fall and became more immune to his old, constant feelings of shame that originally must've formed his moral compass.

Also, Rafal gets more points towards being an actual sociopath! He just partially lost his former, low-reactive temperament when he turned "Good."

One other thought of note:

Has anyone ever headcanoned Rafal as having an avoidant attachment style? To complement that, Rhian would probably have an anxious attachment style.

Essentially, the traits of these attachment styles are Rafal and Rhian personified.

Rafal:

Rhian:

My attachment issues are so bad

LiKe

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO PEOPLE IVE ONLY MET FOR A COUPLE DAYS???!?!?

I'm an attentionwhore :3

If I actively seek you out and talk to you all the time it means either

A. I love you in a "I dont know if I have a crush on you but ur my pookie and we do gay shit together and maybe kiss as bros[No homo]:3"

B. I love you in a "I love you but only as my chaotic sibling/child:3"

C. I will do anything for you regardless of romantic or platonic feelings. I will defend you till the day I fucking die :3

my best friend hasn’t talked to me since last monday ummmmm what the flip!!!!!!! she’s been online though and viewing my stories and stuff on insta WHY ISNT SHE AT LEAST VIEWING MY MESSAGES.

ik she gets quiet sometimes but im a little concerned

I have the very real fear of becoming dependent on my boyfriend for emotional support and if it doesn’t work out later I’ll not know how to deal with myself anymore…🤡

I suffer from the loneliness of deeply despising being misunderstood while I push away anyone who tries to understand me.

attachment is: the mental tension you feel when you do not get exactly what you crave; it is refusing to accept change or let go of control

~Yung Pueblo, Clarity & Connection ♡

He’s a headache 🔫 (my attachment disorder girl music video)

i need someone else to tell me who i am.

Love gets recycled.

To my anxiously attached people, that is me. The love that you poured into another individual will get recycled. You will love again. You will love again. The ache will get dull over time, I promise. If you went through a break-up recently and you were a very crafty person, trust that you will be able to go back to your crafts without thinking about them. One day you will actually stop thinking about them and trust me when I say this, it will feel so weird. It will be another type of ache but it is much better than the ache of heart break.

I don't know who wrote this. That's the whole point of the unsent project but I resonate with it so much. The person that changed my views on life, on love, on myself, her name starts with a G. The thing is I could lay here in my bed and keep typing and typing about her but I am not gonna do that.

There is a saying, where attention goes, energy flows. This person doesn't deserve my energy anymore. I genuinely wish her the best now but I will not allow myself to be consumed by someone who isn't mine anymore. I would like to think that some part of her is still mine, that maybe in the future we'll make it right and love again but truth is that is just my delusions talking.

To whoever is reading this right now, if you are hung up on someone, please know that at the end of the day all they are is a person, an individual, a human. We have 8 billons of those on this earth. I know that when we love someone, they become everything. They are everything to us but please remember that without your attention, that person isn't actually special. The only thing making them special is your fixation on them. If you wanna heal. Let that fixation go. Let those day dreams go. It sucks. But it works and it's worth it.

I don't believe that God has a physical form.

As a Muslim, we know that God doesn't have a physical form that we can see or touch yet. But while I lay here with a dull ache in my heart, I tried imagining being held in someone's arms. Something to soothe that ache. But then I got this image in my head. A warm blanket of light, of noor, being wrapped around me. I felt a warm feeling spread inside of my body.

That's the same feeling that I used to have whenever I prayed Tahajjud.

God will find a way back into your life and no matter what, you will always end up appreciating it.

I am okay without you..

For months.. I prayed, sobbed, and pleaded with any and all deity to make me feel okay without you and now I am actually okay without you.

It feels strange. I know that in the morning there will be no 'good morning' text and that doesn't hurt me anymore. I am able to have a good day even without you. I rarely think of you. It's so strange...I spent so much time building you up in my mind and now you're still in my life but somehow it doesn't affect me anymore. I thought this would feel good but it doesn't. it doesn't feel bad either, just strange. Life is just strange without you and I like it. Thank you for leaving, it was needed.

No, you don't still love her.

No, she isn't the one.

No, it wasn't just bad timing.

No, giving it another try won't work.

No. No. No.

I'm sorry love, she just isn't the one for you and I know you love her so much but she's not worth it.

The idealised version of her that you have created in your mind deserves your love. Her true self doesn't deserve it in the slightest.

How can you say that you've moved on ?

I no longer include her in my future planning. She has no place in my life anymore. No role to fill, no house to share, no kids to raise. Nothing.

the feminine urge to be the only girl he talks to

The saddest thing is I know I'll always be somebody's dog, because I don't know how to do anything else but bark and bark and lick my wounds. I chase after cars and I look for a master and if you let me out of the cage I'll go mad with the noise and I'll chase my own tail and what if you're the cage and what if you're the leash -what then?

Then you send me away by the side of the road but I'm still not roadkill cause I'm still not that small I guess you're not that lucky so I do it again to the next moron that feeds me.

How lonely must you be to feed a rabid bitch, and then you dare to be surprised like my eyeballs aren't bloodshot red,

I bite.

tell me why you’re still on my mind