Fuck It - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

WHY IS STUDYING SOOOO HARD

Parents and relatives wonder why I so obnoxiously rebel and get so easily riled up when denied something I need. They mistake it as "tantrums of a spoiled child". Scandal erupts when I'm "rude and impolite"and "disrespect"elders.

I'm not spoiled. It is because I've seen my mother and my aunts never raise their demands because they were led to believe that their wants' were secondary. I will scream obscenities at men older than me, for questioning my clothing.

I'm everything they could have been, I'm doing everything they weren't allowed to do, I will never forget my worth. The Internalized misogyny ends with me.

I acknowledge you've had it hard. I'm just making sure it doesn't continue.

Pure. Awesome.

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

Current mood:

Johnny Appleseed

i like to think i am a professional unprofessional

*jigs away*

i hate this ship

J.jh

Its not that without you i wouldn't have struggled, but i could've had something to hold on to

If what i saw instead of nameless faces were your eyes, I think i would've cried less

Had i rested on your shoulder i would've replayed your scent each time they pushed me

Amongst my chase for spotlights, countess bruises but i would've smiled with your touch that burnt through my skin and fear

Drinking cups of black chaos investing in perhaps my downfall on white sheets; had i known you would feel emotion because of that ink maybe nights wouldn't be restless

Thorns from flowers i could not share with you, I swallowed

Sunsets that never painted over you, I betrayed

A half moon stitched with remains of a tune i still try to recognise lies upon a sea that seems to shrink with time

I am eager for that encounter which will leave me empty forever ,cursing the day when you will finally smile at me and i will realise

How it is not the same for you

Today was a good day. Emphasis on the was

Instagram is officially the number one place that has caused me the most amount of pain

Shannon the Ocean Fairy (Rainbow Magic)

I have a few things to say.

1. I think I'm going to challenge myself to see how many fairies I can draw before I get burnt out/bored.

2. I always found Shannon's outfit so weird? So like, I changed it.

3. Yes, I like Winx Club. Yes, her outfit is inspired by Bloom's enchantix form.

That is all.

How do all of you find motivation to study? I can't seem to be able to concentrate at all if I'm not passionate about what I'm studying, tomorrow I have an oral test and even now that it's 10:30 pm I can't concentrate, Every time I decide to just hold study I can't seem to remain concentrated for more than 30 minutes, answers are welcomed even in weeks from this post because I am probably going to study all night and do something just because of last-minute anxiety, I tried everything that would work before but today just isn't the day, sorry if I made spelling mistakes, english is my second language and I need a large audience (probably not the best guess going to tumblr lmao)

I am disappointed in the lack of vampire cookie angst fanfics on AO3 so I requested a link to join the site for real now

Get ready because I show no mercy

Ok so interesting event that happened yesterday.

So I had been awake all night ereyesterday (I have a really bad sleeping schedule) and I had wanted to play the summer event in Genshin with mom, alas mom's computer had a large update that took almost all day to finish.

So I waited and eventually, I fell asleep on my books again (long story). I woke up a bit later, figuring that I should put my computer and desk away so I can lay down properly instead of sleeping on my books. So I do so, I lay down and I end up falling asleep again.

ONLY TO WAKE UP FROM MY ROOF CAVEING IN FROM A FUCKING RACCOON FALLING THROUGH IT.

So here I am, half awake from this sudden cave-in of the furry kind, with this fucking raccoon looking just as lost and confused from falling through the roof as I was. I panicked because I knew that while raccoons are cute and fluffy, they are not the best animal neighbors.

So I yell for mom to quickly close all of the doors after telling her a raccoon just fell through my roof. She comes back and we try and get the ball of chonk out of my room, and to be fair we did success without the little guy getting mad, but then he was stuck in the hallway.

Tbh idk what fully happened because mom had closed my door after the chonky trash nommer left but apparently he had somehow got on top of my dresser in the hallway and then fell and knocked a bunch of shit over, before running past the open front door, into the living room, and into her room.

So now we have a fluffy chonker causing chaos and mayhem in her room and we have no idea wtf to do. This all happened around 8:30ish at night btw.

So we try making noise, keeping the lights on, using vinegar to try and get it out of the room, we tried to use brooms and find him but we end up not finding him because this bitch just straight up disappeared. We have no idea if he is still in the house as I am writing this post, and trust me she looked all over that room.

So ok, we open the window, yeet open the screen, and then close the door so the fluffy menace can at least leave when we aren't trying to find it, that's the best we can do besides calling animal control which, we don't have money for.

So my stressed ass was getting tired again (my stress reaction is to fall asleep), but I felt legit gross and was stressing over the fact that I might have installation all over me (the hole is close to where my head was resting at) so I take a quick shower before I get to work cleaning my room of wet as hell installation. Listen, I know I needed to get my ass into gear and do some spring summer cleaning, but this was not how I wanted to do it Q_Q

Also yes, I wore a mask and gloves so worry not. It didn't help how gross it all was. Me, being scared for my health cuz that shit went everywhere, decided to sleep out in the living room with mom (who also had to sleep in the living room). Suffice it to say this was a very weird girls' night >_>

Me and mom had been up almost the whole night and only got any sleep around 3:30-4 A.M. and woke up around 8-9 a.m. so if this post seems disjointed that's why o(-<

Long story short a trash disaster broke through my roof mission impossible style, caused chaos, doesn't elaborate, then hoodini'ed into another dimension before we could find him, leaving me to clean up ceiling bits like a confused spouse after their partner came home slam assed drunk and just passed out on top of the fridge.

Every so often i forget i developed lactose intolerance and then I'm like "why don't i treat myself to a lovely little treat :)" and one ice cream bowl later I'm absolutely ass blasting the meanest fart to ever come out of my putrid little asshole. My family is crying. I've been quarantined in my room. I'm pretty sure the neighbors could smell it

❀ Pansy n°1 = F*cking writer’s block.

I really enjoy writing.

Like a lot.

I think it’s because I have a lot on my mind and I thrive to get it out of my head. Like I don’t want to lose the ideas I have so I try to write as much as I can somewhere, everywhere. I literally have a note on my phone titled ‘Story ideas’ , and up to this date (the time I’m writing this) I collected twelve ideas without counting this book, or whatever this is. I have some ideas that are way more developed than others and some that are just fun things I thought about, but I feel like I could do so much with each of them. And I want, I really want to use all those amazing ideas and make them into the novels they deserve to be, but sadly… It always ends the same.

You see, dear reader, there is some sort of pattern that seems to come back in my life as a wannabe writer. Most of the time it starts with me having a dream or a daydream about whatever came to my mind this day. Then I realize that I really like what I’m imagining, that it’s actually really interesting and maybe it could grow into something more. So I continue to think about it for days, weeks, months, sometimes years and I end up with a full on story of ten novels and even a sequel (I may exaggerate a bit, but only a bit). And here I am, attached to this universe I created, to these characters I watched growing up and all the important events of their adventures I want everyone to know about, and I’ll be heartbroken to just leave it at that. To just leave it as a simple fantasy, a dream, a figment of my subconscious. I cannot possibly let it be forgotten, because I’ll inevitably forget it if I do not act and do something to keep it somewhere, anywhere. So comes the time to write, to finally put into words this story, this scenario that was entirely made up by myself and my creative mind.

Yet, when I finally have the motivation to write something, anything, this so-called motivation never comes alone. It always comes with it. You might be confused as to who or what I’m talking about dear reader. Well, I am talking about this horrible realization that writing is difficult as f*ck.

In fact, I always end up being lost in all the details of my stories. I always end up realizing that I thought of things, but not everything, and that I have now to choose the right words, the right grammar, the right phrasing to accurately depict the world, the characters and the adventures I have created. And this dear reader is so very hard.

Then I also have to think about all that’s in between the big events of the story to tone down the dose of action in the script, to show the character development, to exploit the characters' relationships and make the readers like them as well as relate to them. At this point, writing seems like a chore, a big task that is too hard for me to actually be able to finish.

Admitting that I actually started something and didn’t give up just messily writing down notes on a random notebook, I never seem to end up writing things that I like. Writing becomes stress inducing because I constantly think about what I have to write down after this exact moment for it to make sense and how I have to make some details pop out but not too obvious for the reader to notice them but not understand their importance. All in all my thoughts, ideas and anxiety create this jumbled mess in my head and I am incapable of writing.

To this date I have three started and unfinished projects. One that I started when I was like 12 or 13 and actually finished (well at least the first book or season because it was written as a screenplay) after having started at least four or five different versions of it. But as time flew by I ended up hating what I wrote so I decided to start it all over again this time as a novel. Yet I didn’t get far because I started questioning the originality and interest of this story that was in fact kind of childish. It was very important to me because it was the first ever thing I wrote down and I loved it dearly, but I inevitably left it aside.

Then much later I started thinking of this thriller based on a nightmare I had. So with one of my sisters we wrote everything down about the plot, the characters, the universe, etc… I even started writing but I never went past the first chapter. I was just unable to. I wanted to, really, because it has a lot of potential and I wanted it done but I dreaded writing about it because I couldn’t come up with correct phrasing and ideas of filler chapters. I was also so far ahead in my mind, already thinking of what could happen in the second book of this saga. I’m always thinking too far, too fast. So I have a second draft lying around on my computer.

Finally, recently I decided that I wanted to truly finish a book, that I was going to do it, and in order to do just that I thought of a simple love story which could fit in a tiny and single book. Like that no thinking ahead and finishing with ideas for an infinite number of books. So I took notes of ideas as they came, created the characters and found their visuals, all of that in a very short amount of time and I loved doing it. I was thrilled! It felt good to be able to do things so fast and smoothly. Then I started writing, it went well, I was inspired and I liked how I wrote, but came chapter 7 and I stopped completely because I was once again starting to complicate the task at hand. I was either distracted or not inspired or just lazy. So I stopped and a third unfinished draft joined my computer.

Whenever I want I could go back to either of those drafts and continue them, because deep down I know I am capable of doing it, of writing but I can’t seem to do so. I am just stuck with overflowing ideas but the incapability of fully writing things down. It s*cks… And it makes me feel incapable.

So I just have one thing to say: f*ck writer’s block.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work, please do not steal or copy. Thanks.🔺

- notify me if there are typos ;)

he was too much around his boyfriend

Apollo smells like hyacinths

Colored pencil elephant shit a friend wanted

I’m posting once again today…. But remember how I was at the pool… yeah… well I’m 18.. yes. A big chubby girly…. Yes….. right. anyways… some fucking kids around maybe 10 years old asked if I know caseoh… I didn’t respond… then they started to ask if I was caseoh and if I popped or broke the tube I was on…. I then left the lazy river and went to my siblings… anyways.… I don’t know why I didn’t tell the kids to fuck off or hit them kids with the tube “accidentally”….. I’m very immature… don’t care… but fuck them kids… they were little boys…… ugh… x~X