Greek Heroes - Tumblr Posts

I understood how in mythology Theseus can have two fathers.

What if at first there were two dizygotic twins in his mother's womb - one from a mortal, the other from Poseidon. But in the early stages of pregnancy, they merged into one embryo, from which Theseus was formed. That's why he has three parents.

I have headcanon that Agamemnon was like Clytemnestra as a person.

There is an opinion that it was a political marriage for an alliance with Sparta, but he conquered Mycenae already after the wedding of Helen and Menelaus, so it would be superfluous.

Besides Clytemnestra had three older sisters so as Menelaus' older brother Ag could marry one of them earlier. Also he could marry Helen - world prettiest woman (its a very strong boost to status and prestige) at the same time (they are twins). Being such selfish, prideful and avaricious as he was shown in iliad (Chryseis part) he must try to get her for himself as the oldest Atreides and the heir of Mycenae and the future most powerful anax of Greece.

And also legend said that Helen and Menelaus were married for 10 years when abduction happened while Iphigenia was 12-14 years old at the start of the Trojan War to be a bride - that means Agamemnon and Clytemnestra were married no later than the Helen and Menelaus' wedding.

Do you guys ever think about how severe were Achilles' parents? Even put aside his mother's manipulation, Patroclus literally killed a child and Peleus like: Hell yeah, he'll be a great friend for my minor son

Wolfy I need context, who slapped Patroclus and why

Pretty sure it was Apollo and I could not tell you

I think he was trying to climb the trojan wall?maybe?

.

.

Artemis: *looking at them * ...dumbasses

Apollo: Why is that syringe filled with glitter?

Asclepius: Anaesthetic!

Apollo:

....Diomedes n-

Athena: Dying sucks, how do you living beings cope with mortality?

Odysseus: Violent outbursts

Achilles: General sluttiness

Diomedes: Thanks to denial, I’m immortal!

Friendly reminder that Hera, goddess of marriage, family and women was forced into marriage with the father of heroes while being a mother to none of them.

<33

Made this for fun the other day

Credit to @wolfythewitch for their Odysseus and Teucer designs and @thehelplessmortals for their Menelaus, Chyrseis, Diomedes, and Cassandra designs

#Aaaaaaaaa i love them, AAAAAAA :^)

You can tell I was too lazy to make a Phineus design lol

Audio from berleezy

Chronological framework of the Second Trojan War (1193-1184)

A rough chronology of the Second Trojan War, including events leading to it. This will be fleshed out as I develop the biographies of the main characters. Comments & criticism are welcome.

1215 | MARRIAGE OF PELEUS & THETIS on the slopes of Mount Pelion. Eris throws the apple of discord at their wedding feast and the goddesses quarrel for the prize of being the fairest. Zeus takes the apple and declares that the matter shall be settled later.

1214 | OATH OF TYNDAREUS in Sparta. Tyndareus announces it is time for his daughter Helen to marry. Many suitors show up. Tyndareus makes them swear an oath to assist Helen's chosen husband in time of need. Menelaus is chosen and marries Helen.

1209 | JUDGMENT OF PARIS on the slopes of Mount Ida. Zeus, impressed by Paris's fairness, sends him Hera, Athena and Aphrodite, for him to judge which is the fairest. Paris chooses Aphrodite, thus gaining the promise of the love of Helen.

1204 | PARIS ABDUCTS HELEN. Paris and Aeneas, with a contingent of men, visit Sparta. Menelaus welcomes him but must leave for Crete for his grandfather King Catreus's funeral. Helen is smitten with love and leaves with Paris, taking her treasury with her. They detour south of Crete, and go to Cyprus and Phoenicia. Menelaus invokes the oath of Tyndareus and summons his allies. Calchas predicts a war with Troy and that Achilles will be needed to win it. Thetis fears for her son's life and hides him in Scyros.

1200 | FIRST GATHERING OF THE FLEETS in Aulis. Calchas predicts the war against Troy will last ten years. EXPEDITION TO MYSIA. Thersander, king of Thebes, is slain. Telephus is wounded by Achilles. The Greek fleet is dispersed by a storm. Many ships are lost and the Greeks take time to recover.

1193 | SECOND GATHERING OF THE FLEETS in Aulis. Achilles heals Telephus, who reveals the way to Troy. Sacrifice of Iphigenia. Philoctetes is left in Lemnos. Achilles slays Tenes. Failed diplomacy attempt by Menelaus & Odysseus. Protesilaus is slain by Hector. THE WAR BEGINS. Cycnus is slain by Achilles.

1193-1185 | The Greeks, especially Achilles and Ajax the greater, carry out multiple campaigns around Troy to cut Troy off from supplies and allies. Many cities are sacked in both Thrace and Asia Minor. During that time, the Greek beachhead near Troy is fortified but never fully manned. Ajax the greater manages to secure and exploit farmland on the Thracian peninsula for the benefit of the Greeks.

1191 | Achilles ambushes and kills Troilus, young son of Priam, because of a prophecy saying that if he reached the age of 20, Troy would never fall.

1190 | Death of Palamedes. His father Nauplius, denied justice, encourages the Greek wives to be unfaithful.

1188 | A small earthquake hits Troy, killing Paris's sons.

1187 | Ajax the greater and Achilles play a game of petteia on the battlefield, saved in extremis by Athena.

1186 | Lack of supplies and mutiny among the Greeks. Intervention of the Wine Growers.

1185 | THE WRATH OF ACHILLES. Deaths of Patroclus and Hector. Intervention of the Amazons.

1184 | Intervention of the Ethiopians. Death of Achilles. The Trojan horse and the FALL OF TROY. Athena is angered against the Greeks.

1184-1175 | THE RETURNS. Many Greek commanders suffer tragedy and turmoil during their return from Troy.

1177 | Aeneas reaches Carthage.

1175 | Odysseus reaches his home in Ithaca at last, ending the longest of the returns.

Theseus, or the Assless Hero.

Theseus is already a hated figure among Greek Mythology Enthusiasts for any of these reasons:

a) Abandoning Ariadne;

b) Killing his own son;

c) Kidnapping twelve-year-old Helen;

d) All of the above;

But people aren't prepared to talk about his worst, most horrendous crime: not having an ass! And no, I'm not saying that he was flat, that would've been a good situation. What I'm talking about is THIS! 👇

And that, good people, is why Theseus is not badass, only bad. Though I shall emphasize the fact that for someone without an ass he surely was one.

This whole discussion about Caeneus (AKA the Trans Hero of Greek Mythology) reminded me of a famous romanian fairy tale. It's called "Ileana Sînziana" (usually translated in English as The Princess Who Would be a Prince, Iliane of the Golden Tresses or Helena Goldengarland) and it's about the youngest daughter of an emperor who then becomes a man and marries the princess from a neighboring kingdom.

If you don't believe me here's the Synopsis of the story:

The tale introduces an emperor with three daughters, who is sad that he didn't have a son. The oldest daughter goes to the emperor and asks him what problem he is having and tells him that she will go to serve another emperor as a soldier only to make him happy. Then the emperor makes a copper bridge and turns into a wolf. The oldest daughter gets scared and goes back to the palace. The same happens with the middle daughter, who also gets scared of the wolf. The youngest daughter goes on a journey with her father's old horse, and defeats him on three bridges, first as a wolf, then as a lion, then as a twelve-headed dragon. The girl arrives at the court of a "great and strong emperor" and he tells her to rescue Ileana Simziana, his daughter, who had been kidnapped by the giant. The youngest daughter rescues her, and the emperor asks her to retrieve his herd enchanted mares, the girl succeeds in this spree. Then Ileana Simziana asks the emperor's daughter to bring the Holy Water kept in a small church above the Jordan and guarded by nuns who neither slept in the day nor in the night. The girl succeeds but the monk who takes care of the church prays to God and asks him if the thief is a man to make him a woman and vice versa, so that the princess becomes a prince - Făt-Frumos (Prince Charming figure). Now a prince, He marries Ileana Simziana and they live happily ever after.

There are also lots of variants of this story in many balkan countries. Which is kinda ironic, considering the fact that many balkan countries are against or have negative views on gay people, let aside trans individuals. At this point I'm slowly starting to believe that reality is a multi-layered joke.

But hey, it’s interesting to see that many cultures have their own Caeneus in their mythology/folklore as well.

I can’t-

you’re telling me that you didn’t have a greek mythology phase? what are you, straight?

OK BUT really are there peopel who don't like Penelope?

Odysseus: You can't make everyone like you. You're not Penelope or Telemachus. Diomedes: What? Not everyone likes Penelope and Telemachus. Odysseus: Who doesn't? Diomedes: Well... Odysseus: Names. Now. Give me their names

Odysseus: *homesick and missed his family*

all the other heroes: *famous because they killed some great monster*

Achilles: *famous because he threw a rage fit after his boyfriend died*

Don´t know why, but in the first panel Odysseus looks like he looks so goofy, like he´s eyes are not well placed, but then you see they´re well aligned, kudos for the artist!

Because i don't know were else to publish this

Patroclus: Damn, the power went out. Achilles: Don’t worry, I got this. Achilles: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up* Patroclus: What-? Achilles: I swallowed a glow stick! Patroclus, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Odysseus: when i was your age- Diomedes: when i was your height- Odysseus: now listen here you little shit.

Diomedes: stinky bread Odysseus: bulbous bread Diomedes:....... Odysseus:---- Patroclus: boys.....? YOU´RE BECOMING BLUE! *both of them are containing the laughter* Patroclus: I heard Penelope has found a new hu.. *an arrow misses his head* Odysseus and Diomedes: Do you want to die tonight?

Patroclus: And here we see Ody and Dio in their natural habitat. Texting each other variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make each other laugh. Odysseus: Gaelic bread. Diomedes: Grueling brad. Odysseus: Ha ha, glamorous beans

They want to meet Hades sooner than later.

Teucer: You know you can die from that, right? Patroclus: *smoking a cigarette* That's the point. Ajax: *drinking alcohol* We're trying to hurry this up. Achilles: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*