Sadnees - Tumblr Posts - Page 4

i am so tired. yet, still, i breathe. i breathe. i breathe like the air is a knife, forcibly embracing the shallowness of my decaying throat. like silence is the loudest elegy for a weary lung. like every exhale attempts to abandon the realness of my undefinable exhaustion. every day, i breathe so faintly, as if to affirm the unaliveness of this collapsing body..

I just realised that chances, that they all hate me is high.

Someone told me that our break up wasn’t correct. Yes a little bit that’s right because I screamed at you. But I said all the things you did to me. All the harassment. But you don’t like to hear this words so you decided to create your own story of this shit. Your story only protects you from what you did.

I am sure you did this and that means that all my past friends must hate me now. This feels like I am the wrong person. I am the problem, and it costs me so much Energie to ignore all this voices.

But:

YOU NO LONGER HAVE ANY POWER OVER ME!

"Trust me, hun. I know how it feels."

— Madelaine Ross (OC) to her little sister when said sister cried out that she (Madelaine) didn't know how it felt to be heartbroken

"I'm not crying because of what happened. I'm crying because no one cared."

— Me at the moment

"I wish I could say 'Thank you' to all the characters I've read about this decade because they were more than just characters to me. They were my heroes. And they still are."

— End of the Decade feelings

I really try to look normal, chill, and happy; some days I feel "normal," but today I was really anxious, and I can't act normal; I do not speak; I cannot see people in the eye; I felt like I was dying (with my close family that I see every week).... I feel horrible with strangers, classmates, young people, older people, kids, teachers, and good-looking people. My family tells me when we are at the mall that I am antipatic, but in my head I'm trying to not run and cry. I am not a good company because of my anxiety. They are normal extrovert people, so they don't understand. They have a life, partners, friends, jobs, experiences; a life basically. This makes me cry and think I don't have anything; no dumb college experiences; parties, being drunk, a boyfriend, friends, going out every weekend. I am just existing, and I am in my mid-twenties. My anxiety and depression are so strong that people can see it, and honestly, I think about killing myself every night. The pills do not help. I am smart, but I cannot do my best in college because I can't speak, do presentations every day, or be in a group with my classmates in a normal way, but I am going to finish no matter how many nights I cry.

I'm running out of options to forget my desire to end my life.

That thought is present every day, it makes me remember that I have not achieved anything and probably never will.

Honestly, I am just alive because of my pets; when they pass away, I am going with them.

Sad because someone very special to me told me that I am boring, have no personality, and am antypatic.

It is just my horrible social anxiety; a defense mechanism; no one really knows me or wants to be with me. That makes me cry every night.

I really need to go with my psychiatrist and tell him that I am worst and that I lie about getting better to not bother my family.

Does anyone else have bones ache and feel the body cold after a bad day?

The inspiration for my drawings and paintings comes only when I am feeling down.

Crying because I interact with a person the same age as me and she is alive, happy, talking, boyfriend, friends and has a job. And I am just existing, and you can see a big difference between us. That comparison ruined my night.

The factor that makes my anxiety and depression worse is university. I can't go to class and be among those people I've known for years and haven't talked to yet. I can't feel normal in the classroom; my chest hurts, I feel cold, shaking, and I get dizzy. Walking around campus makes me feel worse, and I don't know how to explain it to my family. Yesterday I couldn't sleep because of the chest pain I felt when I found out that today is Monday.

I don't know what to say other than I don't want to be here anymore. I try to distract myself, but always, every day, not existing is the best option.

I will stop using this social network for a while, because even though I can find people who are going through the same thing, it does not help me with my depression and problems. It makes me constantly remember how bad I feel and focus on those thoughts. I'll try not to use social media for a while, and I'm not saying I'll get better by doing so, but I need to grow as a person.

🖤🖤🖤

When the feeling comes back, the feeling of loneliness, of knowing that no one will come, even the once that say they care don't go out of their way to visit..

You make me feel so worthless, ive worked so hard to try to see my own worth and just as I think I'm getting there I remember that the person that really matters, the person that is supposed to care about me, doesn't even think I'm worthy of their time.