Why Am I Not Enough - Tumblr Posts
I think my dad stopped loving me the day he realized I was turning into him.
We talk about needing love as children but what about the children who grew up with love but had it taken away as soon as their parents realized they were more like themselves than they could love.
My mother took my hand and told me the other day she had expected me to be someone different when I grew up. She smiled and said it gently. Said I wasn’t bad or anything but she had just expected something else.
But I could tell looking her in the eye that she had expected better. The way she had to pause before every, different, and the letter b would drip off her tongue before she stopped. There was a longing in her eyes for a different daughter. Someone she looks for in each and every girl my brother brings home. And what I am lacking. They all have.
Who I was starting to learn to love wasn’t enough.
I’m starting to hate touch.
ever saw something that was a literal shot to your heart and cut deeper than ever, that constantly haunts you since that day and just can't shake it off/forget even if it happened several months ago, because it keeps creeping back or is it just me?
every time I accidentally catch them, they look so much happier around them and while talking to them..
and I just can't even watch it, because it makes my heart sink every single time. It feels awful to see that the person they talking with getting everything I have been begging for without them having to ask for it...
sometimes I'm having this feeling like they were just waiting for me to leave...
it's so humiliating when you gave so much from yourself, gave them endless chances, basically tried to understand why they have been treating you like shit, because your feelings were actually real and truly loved them unconditionally just it to end abruptly, because you finally found out what they have been doing behind your back the whole time...and the worst is that you was the one who HAD TO end it, because they gave you no other choice, because it could have been the same hamster wheel and you would have ended up even more broken than now..
And the feeling that they acted like they liked you, loved you and wanted to be with you when in reality they had no intention to do so is horrible. It makes you question EVERYTHING.
it's so heartbreaking to see that they became cold towards you, they have fun without you and you just sit there and have to watch them while feeling awful and left out, unwanted, abandoned. And they don't even care about your existence anymore...they replaced you...
seeing them with someone else, finally getting the truth by that but... it's a feeling that can't be explained. It goes deep. You feel everything at once. Brutal heartache.
kinda feels like I'm only there in people's lives to fill the void when their people is not there...
when you opened up for them even though you were terrified to do so and you finally believed someone actually likes you this time just to hear they moved on like you meant nothing while you were suffering in silence alone. And hearing from THEM hurts even more. Not sure they said in front of me to finally give me some clarity or just to hurt me one last time tho...
maybe i am just my body
Tw
This is literally my DREAM BODY!!