As A - Tumblr Posts
I broke down today really bad.
I've been so stressed out, and I took a plan B which made me feel bad about myself. I always wanted to be a pure virgin, but now i have a boyfriend and Im not going to not, because thats unfair to him. So, I ate like 2k calories, and I usually eat >500. I'm still 140 and its making me want to rip all my hair out. I workout for about 45 minutes a day, which as much time I can carve out. I love looking nice, so my makeup, hair, and outfit is always as perfect as I can get it. So, working out and getting nasty doesn't sound very appealing to me. I literally haven't eaten more than diet coke, and maybe 6 doritios in the past eight days and nothing is happening.
What else should I do to lose weight?
and how do I stop myself from binging?
I’m awful!
my family is my thinspo… I can’t stand being compared to them or being told I look like them. It just fuels my eating disorder’s fire to a zillion! One day we will be completely non comparable trust 🤞😋
anybody remember the group chats on here? I miss them so much oml. It was so nice to connect with people who were going through the same thing as you, and to be able to have people who really know how this feels. We didn’t even talk about our disorders much, just all of us connecting with each other, and sharing music and talking about our lives. It was so electric and fun istg, I wish they’d come back. I lost all the people I knew on here after my account got banned. I miss having people who know what I’m going through. 🤍🤍
when you’re fat, that’s the only thing people see. you walk down the street, you go to a restaurant, you sit at dinner with your own family, and all you are is a girl who lugs around her fat awful self wherever she goes. it’s disgusting. don’t you want to free yourself from your fat prison, be envied by everyone because of how thin you are? It all could happen if you’d just stop shoveling lard in your mouth and let yourself go a little hungry. 🤍🤍
i love drinking 0 cal energy drinks right when i wake up. i like the burning feeling it gives on an empty stomach
only reason i wash dishes is to burn extra calories 🥰 other than that ts boring asl
am i the only one who has a full blown meltdown when i someone's meal is smaller than mine??
idc if it has way more calories than my meal or if i ate less than half their intake that day if their meal is significantly smaller i go crazy...
this is a reminder for myself that maintaining is better than gaining.
maintaining is better than gaining.
as someone with an ed i subconsciously became so aware of other people's eating habits
i notice when they just push around their food around their plate or when they eat smaller portions than normal and wonder are they a picky eater or have an ed?
or when they go to the bathroom soon after a meal and i wonder are they throwing up or just have to use the bathroom?
and when they eat so much food in one sitting and i wonder are they just hungry and have a fast metabolism or did they binge eat?
and i feel so guilty all the time because one of the first things that always pops into my mind is that...
"i can't let them be better/thinner than me."
starving on your period makes you feel a different type of rage
as much as a love visiting my sister's house, it's always so horrible because they always try to feed me😭
like i know it's their love language but goddammit it's my hate language or whatever cus i keep thinking they're trying to get me fat or something💀
no kidding they pile food onto my plate and get kinda offended if i can't finish
my sister keeps making backhanded comments about my eating habits and it's so annoying like bro it's not like i ever went "oh here comes our organic cutting board!!" everytime she enters a room🙄
im just trying to ignore her cus we'll see who's laughing when i get to my ugw...
yo the stuffing food into your tumbler/bottle and throwing it away later is actually genius😩 i hate wasting food but sometimes ppl just won't get off my back bro
idk why i try so hard to hide my ed at this point. i mean i still live with my family but im almost 20 and technically they can't force me into inpatient or smth.
the only thing stopping me is not wanting to further traumatise my younger siblings. they deserve a better sister than me.
does anyone have a decent excuse as to why i would be measuring my meals on a scale??
i don't want my fam to be suspicious or think i am obsessed with food/cals (i 100% am lmfao)
i just found out that "metabolism days" is just a fraud.
excuse me, i have to go sob now.
guys i finally broke out of the 60kgs jail omg i weighed myself AFTER eating today and was 59.9kg im actually so happy and even more motivated
✧
Does anyone else hate when people offer them food??
I hate myself so much right now my bf offered me a Dr pepper and he's so sweet for it and I can't physically decline it so I drank it in front of him, I hate this so so much :-(
HIIII, GUYS!!!! So I was on vacation for a little and sadly did not eat how my brain wants me to because I'm not trying to die and it was so worth it, legit walked so so so much through pretty mountains and woke up with a flat tummy after eating maybe 1500+ calories??? But no more hiking, so back to home sweet home in Ana's arms
My top day I didn't have my phone with me so I logged the estimate amount of steps ❤️
Why can't my ribs show like this???