Oversharing - Tumblr Posts
where do I begin
I miss you, I saw your post, you called me your ex, said nobody our age seems to like the stuff you like, other than your exs, and you were upset about that
im not just your ex you know, im your friend too, hell im not your ex, in order to be your ex we have to have dated, and we never did, you didnt want that.
It hurts, that you think of me that way, and that you think you cant share things with me anymore, but i guess thats somewhat my fault, ive been lashing out at you recently, I know that, but youve been lashing out too.
Were like two beatiful swords, shining in the suns glare, one takes a deadly swipe, then the next retorts with a deafening blow, you see, no matter how many battles we fight, how many wars we wage, were just hurting ourselves.
I want you to want me, I want you to love me, but more than that I just want you to like me, think im worth your time, not actively avoid spending time with you when you can, because that hurts, but I know I kinda do it too, and I cant blame you for being scared of me.
Im scared of you, scared that reaching out will push you away farther, make you more upset, because I know just like be, you self sabotage, and even if I attempt, you might run away, and I cant, cant imagine you running, I think it would hurt too much.
I think I would never recover and I cant let you leave my grasps even more, for you have already begun the run, but I have not chased, as you slip from my fingers I do not attempt to grab you back into my arms, I just continue holding what I have, but what I have is nothing. You see me as your ex, we talk, but not because you want to, because normality is so much easier than letting someone go. The daily routine, the mundanity is so much easier than pulling away, so you let me hold you, just a finger tip, just enough that you dont float away, but the rest of you is already gone, somewhere else in space, you are looking for the next adventure, the next person to fill the gap youve been trying to fill ever since he left, perhaps the next person will be the right one. Perhaps not. I just wish you loved me enough to let me see it.
More than anything, I just wish you at least cared about me enough to let me in, even, and especially to the silly meaningless details of your life, but there is a strong bar keeping me from it, and there is no escape in sight, no way for me to hold you again, just as a friend, because how can two people who have seen so much of eachother go back to being just friends. I feel if i tried id make you uncomfortable, and that would haunt me every night. So instead lies the ghost of your body.
Today I sat on nettles and stung my ass.
It was not a good day.
Ok. Why tf is oversharing our defense mechanism???? Like… something stressful?? Overshare. Worried about a final exam?? Overshare with the teacher.
Not to mention Gord is having a moral crisis because he acted like a demon (what?? The demon??? Act like a demon?? No shit.)
Overall, like… that’s something I’ve realized now. Why tf do we do that??
-🍓
I always end up fumbling
I feel so stupid but I trust people way to easily.
|| Doodle reciprocation isnt Req, along with sharing anything more then a character’s design, its just fun ||
( Pretty much all of her details are here except missing her torn coat that sometimes hangs off her shoulders. Reference still in progress)
Fern, Courier 6
She/they, taller then average
+Story diverges from cannon
+Human*
+Terrifying presence perk
+very sneaky ( there one second! gone the next!)
Her staring problem; After the bullet, their eyes struggle to focus when relaxed or squinting, resulting in heavily impaired vision, but can focus well when wide eyed, so she is almost always is staring like this when roaming the wastes.
Personality: Very reserved, quiet, and has a wild trigger finger. Is she wary and can’t identify something? Guns out, shots fired. Quite a slow talker so prefers to show or remain mute. Her demeanor is often misinterpreted and she’s okay with that to avoid interaction. Not necessarily hostile but is prepared for hostility. Feels dysphoric around most people, relating better to robots and adores spending her time with them. ( they do have some relationships with companions. best ex. Raul Tejada) Absolutely terrible with casual conversation, will fluster. Her thought process can be a bit absurd.
Orientation/identity/species: closeted Aromantic and confused; not convinced she’s entirely human.
Notable mentions: Rivalry with Victor, very suspicious of him. May have shot him first thing out of Doc’s house and he sent her back to the doc to recover from laser burns. Primarily travels with Raul and Ed-e.
share a character and I’ll whip something up in return
I don’t think I’ve emphasized how crazy I am about peoples fallout characters, so would ya’ll wanna share our fallout characters in reblogs and doodle each other?
Mutant, ghoul, and synth oh my! Any character, any fallout game, and any companion.
( I’ll share my courier Fern’s info on another reblog when I’m back from work ‘’ )
Vent post. I’ll be posting the usual stuff again soon. Long rant under the cut/read more.
I hate when people say that autism or any disorder is a “superpower”, bc it’s not. Being sensitive to noise and getting so overstimulated to the point of having a break down isn’t a “superpower.”
I hate that this world is so unaccommodating for people like me. I have to mask to be liked. I have to put in the work for neurotypical people to be comfortable. I have to force myself to make eye contact. But not too much is bad and too little is also bad. There’s strict rules and standards but they’re always so vague. What’s too much? What’s not enough? I already have my own issues. I don’t have the energy to be masking all the time. But if I don’t I’m “weird” or “rude.”
People also tend to ignore my boundaries or assume I’m ok with things without asking. Like physical contact. So many times people have gotten upset at me bc I don’t like physical contact, or bc I move away bc people are too close. “yOu doNt haVe tO moVe THAT muCh. jEezE.” Or “iTs juSt a hUg, cMon.” Why can’t I have my needs met? Why can’t I have my boundaries respected? Why do I alway have to appease others when they won’t think about how I feel?
Anyway this is getting long. I wanted to talk about how when I shutdown I get very angry about anything and everything. I’m overstimulated and want to have some level of control. Listening to music can help me regain control and calm down. Give It To Me by The Northern Boys is one of my favourite songs and it helps me feel better some how.
Hans, hol mir einen Britisher Kuchenhosen
Just an fyi. If im acting stuck up or self absorbed, its either to boost my confidence or for comedic effect.
Most of the time its both.
Also somewhat unrelated, my ego is like the fragile ern that houses somebodies ashes in a very stereotypical "You already know whats gonna happen and you get embarrassed in advance" kind of way.
Not me doing exactly that whenever I try to give my opinions on almost any piece of media I intake and post about on my blog 🐸 (like Amphibia or TOH)
having adhd is like: no i wont read this massive block of text but i AM going to type an entire essay about something that could probably be summarized in a really cohesive paragraph
I recently rediscovered my old autobiographical ranty poetry, and past me was:
(1) dear god. so fucking ANGSTY.
(2) hopelessly romantic, literally romanticized a Poland Spring bottle cap and described the *unattainable* guy I had a crush on as a ‘quiet hailstorm’ and said ‘I have a thousand regrets, and all of them are believing in you.’ I KID YOU NOT (wow look at my crusty cynical heart now I’m dying of laughter)
(3) working through a lot of shit
(4) actually entertaining, even the older stuff from when I was 13-14? actually had a pretty decent ability at portraying emotion through language?
Indeed, one must scatter information. Going into excruciating detail about one specific thing with each individual. Adding so much unnecessary information one loses track of the core subject. Aim to overwelm so all they can recall is a series of unrelated facts.
I can never predict how weird I am going to be in a given situation and this is my cross to bear
Oh lord I need him so BAD 😫 He could do anything to me and I would thank him 🛐🛐
felt like bringing this back because i’m in a mood to be fucked silly (when am i not?)
I think I might just use this site to overshare where no one will hear me tbh
I've got this weird urge to bare my soul to strangers on the internet that I usually express through bios in my online profiles. I should probably talk to people more.
I messed up some conversations today with very kind people and it makes me feel very sad, I was too self centered and didn't pay attention to their needs. I wanted to stop but couldn't because of the burn out... Sometimes when I feel pain I don't see others, and I am so sorry for that... I wish I could fix relationships i have ruined by not paying attention 😔
I moved to a different country, and i thought that my parents wanted to visit me on my birthday, but I just saw that they actually have plans on the exact date.
I will be alone on my birthday for the first time in my life.
My brother is included in said plans so I will be actually, completely alone.
I don't really have close friends here either, so like, there is no way I won't be crying on my birthday this year.
