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Why is my mom trying to sabotage me?!?! I can't even get away from it even when I'm at college...I was doing so great too and she had to drop by and give me a bunch of food!
It's like she wants me to stay fat so she can keep criticizing me.
not to be an asshole, but I hate that everyone is SO worried about my sibling's -ating -iorder when I had it first!
I know it's not great to weigh yourself everyday, but I NEED to know the number or else I'll lose my mind
Yet, I lose my mind anyways if I don't like the number.
failed an exam for the first time today so now not only am I fat… I’m fat AND stupid
I was doing so well... I was under 300 calories and was on the treadmill for 90 minutes and burned 700 calories...and then my parent's insisted I come home for the weekend...
Why do they keep doing this to me and how do I prevent it?
only losing more from here 🙂↕️ running after every workout has changed the game omlll but also got a heater in my room so life changing right there 🙏🏻 and why tf do ppl try n get u to recover like NO MF I WANNA BE SKIN N BONES I DON'T WANNA LOOK HOW I USED TO LOOK. i swear mfs js wanna see u fat
0 cal blue razz energy drink for dinner is superior. also restricted my cals even more today n yesterday cs i ate a salad at a salad place yesterday n an acai bowl today in the morning. i'm terrified they're lying ab the cals 😭 doing good tho cs at least everyone is starting to worry now which means it's paying off. also felt like i was ab to have a heart attack running on the treadmill nbs 💀 vision got so bad n my heart felt weird along w my breathing lmao
this is a reminder for myself that maintaining is better than gaining.
maintaining is better than gaining.
as someone with an ed i subconsciously became so aware of other people's eating habits
i notice when they just push around their food around their plate or when they eat smaller portions than normal and wonder are they a picky eater or have an ed?
or when they go to the bathroom soon after a meal and i wonder are they throwing up or just have to use the bathroom?
and when they eat so much food in one sitting and i wonder are they just hungry and have a fast metabolism or did they binge eat?
and i feel so guilty all the time because one of the first things that always pops into my mind is that...
"i can't let them be better/thinner than me."
as much as a love visiting my sister's house, it's always so horrible because they always try to feed me😭
like i know it's their love language but goddammit it's my hate language or whatever cus i keep thinking they're trying to get me fat or something💀
no kidding they pile food onto my plate and get kinda offended if i can't finish
idk why i try so hard to hide my ed at this point. i mean i still live with my family but im almost 20 and technically they can't force me into inpatient or smth.
the only thing stopping me is not wanting to further traumatise my younger siblings. they deserve a better sister than me.
does anyone have a decent excuse as to why i would be measuring my meals on a scale??
i don't want my fam to be suspicious or think i am obsessed with food/cals (i 100% am lmfao)
im back at my lw this week and was so happy until i tried on new clothes and my sister said to me "omg how do you wear that top it keeps slipping off of me..."
like okay? i didn't ask?
also she knows i "struggle with eating and body image issues" and always makes fun of me for that so idk i think it's pretty fcked up.
stuck in between wanting to always wear baggy clothes so nobody can tell im getting smaller or wanting to always wear normal/fitted clothes so everybody can tell im getting smaller
i just found out that "metabolism days" is just a fraud.
excuse me, i have to go sob now.
guys i finally broke out of the 60kgs jail omg i weighed myself AFTER eating today and was 59.9kg im actually so happy and even more motivated