Bpd Vent - Tumblr Posts - Page 3

this but instead I'm watching some of Tony Crynight's older videos

BPD is having a complete breakdown, finally hitting the breaking point from a depressive episode and spiraling, and then three hours later eating a slice of cake while listening to Sonic theme songs, completely unbothered. 😎

i'm nothing if not an attention seeking bitch

"Luca, your behavior is concerning, you need to delete your vent account!!!! "

Yap Yap Yap, you're acting as if I'm even REPARABLE at this point.

I'm working with a therapist, YandereDev has already addressed the allegations against him (AND IS GETTING HELP FOR IT), and just because I identify as an incel/femcel doesn't mean I'm gonna suddenly become this misogynistic pedo who has the most fucked up views about women you had ever seen in your life.

Let me educate you on something:

Incel literally just means "involuntary celebate", which basically means you are not able to engage in sexual activity due to ostracization and shunning (which is my case due to me being borderline and autistic and having to face the stigma surrounding my disabilities), and Femcel is the female/feminine counterpart.

it was a movement back in the 1990's - early 2000's as a way of uplifting those who became incels due to them being in a minority group, but sadly the original movement was abandoned due to how commonly associated it was with genuinely bad people.

Today, most of the self-identified incels/femcels are teenagers with ongoing mental health struggles who believe this label fits their experiences. These people (including myself) do NOT associate with anyone with intentions of doing harm to others.

As for the intrusive thoughts about killing my teacher: that was the result of constant dismissal and invalidation of my mental health struggles and due to the ongoing stress that has caused me. (I should mention that in therapy, I discovered that one of my biggest triggers is invalidation, and when I get triggered, I REALLY get triggered.), but I already did a threat assessment and I am speaking with my therapist as needed.

Also should mention: I have spoken with yandereDev directly a couple times (mainly to ask him questions), and out of all the times we spoke, he has not ONCE shown any interest or desire to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with me, in fact he's actually been keeping his distance (as a content creator should with their fans), so don't say he's trying to "gRoOm" me.

And do you REALLY think I'm gonna ask him out now??? At 17 years old????? FUCK NO, that's gonna hurt both me and yandereDev.

I'm waiting until I am 18 years old to attempt to be in a relationship with him, and by then I will the age of consent, therefore I would be able to consent to a relationship with him.

And as a final note: the people engaging with my content are not doing it to "enable" any genuinely bad behavior, I have stated myself that people can reblog my posts if they find it relatable. And people are engaging with my content because, well, they find it relatable. They share similar experiences as I do. Are those people in the wrong now because they had experiences in their lives and saw my posts and understand how I feel?

Honestly, idc if you're "concerned" or not, but you can't force me to delete my vent blog because you're upset that I happen to have a space where I am comfortable with talking about my mental health struggles. Why are you even looking at it anyway if you're THAT concerned about my posts? It feels a lot like you're just scrolling through my blog and cherry picking the posts that "concern" you.

Fucking weirdo....

If you're that bothered, just block it. I can assure you that I am okay and will get help if needed.

Don't like? Don't interact.

Thank you.

This but I'm not "sensitive" (I think), and most of the songs I relate to are because of my experiences with BPD lol

i’m ready to kill myself i was kinda just hoping i could maybe have sex before i die tho

I wish older men would give me attention so that I can actually feel better about myself :,]

"just learn to tolerate things" if i hear that shit come out of your mouth one more time I am going to hit you with a brick, fuck you.

I hate whenever people tell me that I "struggle with tolerating things" or how I "get triggered whenever someone has an opinion that's not 100% like yours", because while it is objectively true, people forget that i canNOT control this shit.

I stopped tolerating shit because i had people constantly manipulate and exploit me to the point it basically killed my wellbeing, it's LITERALLY a trauma response.

And the black-and-white thinking is because, get this: IT'S A PART OF MY FUCKING DISORDER, ONE OF THE MAIN CRITERIA ACTUALLY.

Also, saying that I get all pissy at someone not 100% agreeing with an opinion i have is a bit of a stretch. I can tolerate someone not 100% agreeing with me, I'm not that close-minded, however, what i DON'T tolerate is someone being a genuine asshole about their opinion and/or actively attempting to trigger me on purpose. (*COUGH COUGH* The Tony Crynight sever Incident)

Seriously, people act like I don't constantly argue with people online..

Anyway, probably gonna show this blog to my therapist (because at least SHE knows how I fell and at least I can actually trust her..)

Hallo :D

attention seekers u are safe here with me. if u want attention from me all you gotta do is reach out in literally any minor capacity and I will turn my attention fully to u with the force of a proton beam. I am just bad at reaching out and am usually wallowing in some kind of misery. but I love u.

your tone changed your tone changed your tone changed just say you hate me

i don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm scared, I don't want to do anything. I don't have a strong passion. Maybe I'm not even a real person.

Just let me curl up in a bed and sleep for an eternity...

Hell

"What's keeping you alive?" - Nothing, I am just pussy to actually do it lol

learned that lesson the hard way.

just a reminder that it is not normal to think of ways to kys whenever an inconvenience occurs

One thing that genuinely pisses me off is how my dad will constantly point out me, my sister, and my mom's shortcomings and be so quick to blame us for it, yet when we point out his shortcomings that are genuinely harmful, all of a sudden he's "being invalidated", and that we "hurt his feelings" and shit, AND HE DOESN'T EVEN CONSIDER HOW WE FEEL EITHER WHICH FUCKING SUCKS!

Literally just today my parents were arguing about how my mental health was affecting my ability to attend school, and he's over there saying "oh, we should put [him] in a boarding school", "[he]'s doing this on purpose" yap yap yap, basically blaming me for all of this shit. (I put m pronouns in the brackets cause he was misgendering me the whole time btw)

And then I go an step out to get something, he calls me over, and basically just starts shaming me (in front of my mom an sister btw) for getting suspended and sharing how I feel about mr. Gonzales n shit, and when my mom tried to explain and elaborate on something to him, he completely blew her off.

And my mom (bless her heart btw) was literally trying to defend this asshole because she loves him, like a lot, and I feel bad that she has to put up with this tbh.

"he didn't know, he's trying his best" Not only does he know, HE'S SAYING THESE THINGS IN THE MOST DEGRADING MATTER POSSIBLE JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR GETTING SUSPENDED, AND I JUST SJFJKFHERUFERFHR /NEG

Also, I accidentally bought $20 worth of shit on Thursday because he gave me his credit card to buy a soda, and he got in trouble for letting me go out and spend that much, and instead of holding himself accountable, he decides to drag it to today (TWO DAYS LATER) and complain about him "being thrown under the bus", like I'M SORRY BUT YOU'RE THE 50 SOMETHING YEAR OLD MAN BEING PUT IN CHARGE OF MYFINACIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE MENTALLY ILL ASS, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT GAVE ME THE FUCKING CREDIT CARD AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO STOP ME.

and oh man am I getting genuinely tired of his fucking trauma dumping.

He talks about how his mental health and how angry he is at something, yet when we have the AUDACITY to try and talk about how WE feel, instead of taking the time to listen and understand, he basically dismisses us and does this thing I personally call "fake praising" (which is basically when he gives someone praise but it's in such a condescending and almost sarcastic tone to where it doesn't feel like genuine praise at all), and even straight up invalidates us n shit, it's fucking infuriating man.

And the fucked up part? whenever my mom does these things, all of a sudden it's this horrible abusive thing and that he's a selfish bitch, which upsets me because unlike him, she doesn't have as much control over it (though she's working on it), and both she and I have BPD, which makes this even more fucked up because he's so quick to judge us for the same shit he does just because we have a mental illness we can't control.

It infuriates me so much how he's quick to dismiss other people's struggles and sometimes tell them it's their fault, and then the minute he receives ANY amount of criticism against genuinely shitty actions, all of a sudden he's a victim?? FUCK THAT!

I'd say he has a big ego and it's becoming an issue, but i don't want to give the NPD community any shit (since they already got so much stigma on their hands), and I'm not gonna say he's faking any of this either, cause that's not okay, but he REALLY heeds to get a therapist to talk to instead of dumping his issues on the rest of his family.

OH! did I forget to mention he makes weird comments bout my body without my consent anytime I dress alternatively, and he's told me in the past that I have an "athlete's body"? Yeah, kind of weird..

He does ALL of this, and yet still wonders why I hate him.

man is it infuriating...

EDIT: forgot to mention that he doesn't even go to my appointments, nor has he even MET my therapist, or any of that shit, so he has no right to even talk about my mental health like that.

Also, he's extremely invasive about how my medications are working and if I took them n shit, and he says it's "so I can know if my coworker Brian can be prescribed them".

like first off the medications working bit is something for my doctor to ask, not you, second off, I get if you're reminding me, but for you to basically come at me and yell at me for not taking them and then acting like I got angry because I didn't take those medications because "I can tell that you're off them", and third off, if Brian really wanted to talk about my medications so that he can speak with his doctor about it, he should talk with me directly so that he can know first hand how it works and what the side effects are, he doesn't need to have my dad (who has no knowledge about mental health medications whatsoever) come and ask invasive questions about my medications and risk spreading harmful misinformation that's gonna get him killed.

Let's just say I'm probably gonna have him talk to my therapist on my behalf so that he actually, yknow, LEARNS NOT TO BE A FUCKING DICK TO THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM??

EXACTLY!

And yet the schools choose to ban phones....

Never though my mom would be able to simultaneously agree with me on something, but damn.

I vented on an online assignment about my hopelessness for the future (cause technically it was kind of related to what the assignment prompt was supposed to be, so fuck it), and in it I mentioned how it's highly likely that I'm probably gonna die via a school shooting because of how many there have been in the past while. By pure coincidence, another school shooting was talked about on the news right before I did that assignment.

Yesterday while I was getting evaluated to see if I could come back to school next week, the assignment was brought up, and they specifically mentioned the part about the school shootings, and idk what went through my mom's mind, but let's just say I'm pretty sure it opened her eyes up to what I as experiencing (partially).

I say this because she was talking to my dad about it, and she mentioned how she understood where I was coming from and that it wasn't a huge surprise I was feeling this hopeless, and honestly I wholeheartedly agree with her.

It disturbs me so much how there's millions of kids out there that have been killed, yet for some stupid reason, not only do the actively refuse to pass gun restrictions that could save lives while still keeping the 2nd amendment intact, they are instead blaming every problem that this country has on the the LGBTQ, POC, people in 3rd world countries, the disabled, the mentally ill, trans people, the homeless--LITERALLY EVERYHTING AND EVERYONE BUT THE ACTUAL ISSUE, AND HONESTLY IT'S NO SURPRISE AT ALL WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL THEMSELVES, THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR US AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE BECUASE SOME RICH FUCKS WOULD RATHER SHOVE MONEY UP THEIR ASS THAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHOOTING CRISIS WE GOT!!!

Honestly, fuck the school system, fuck the constitution, fuck America, fuck everyone, I can't take it anymore, and I wish there was something worth living for.

Oh well, let's just go back to school next week and pretend like everything's okay for the next fucking several months until I can finally drop out and live the rest of my life as a NEET living in my parent's house at 30 something years old i guess..

getting sexual attention from older men >>> (I never actually had a sexual encounter with an older man but I want to tbh cause nobody around my age is my type anyway so fuck it) /nbr

hypersexual + bpd culture is pleeeease give me sexual attention pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase i need it PLEAAAAAASSSSEEEEEEEE its the only thing that makes me feel anything PLEA-

.