Tw Assault - Tumblr Posts
No matter what I was wearing,
And no matter where I could go,
Clothes do not mean yes
And no will always mean no.
Short as my skirt may have been,
And though I may have looked my best,
You did not ask for consent,
And I did not say yes.
I can still recall your hands
Where they should not have strayed,
And I will always remember
While for you it was just another day.
How many have fallen victim to you
And others who act the same?
Why are you still free to roam
And we get told to change our ways?
“I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of men.” -Marina
like. fuck you
The author:
The fic:
YEAH JUST NORMAL FUN STUFF
I dont have a DNI but if I did it would be "do not interact if you liked that one fic from five+ years ago that was supposed to be cute and sexy but was just Boundary Violations Are Funny"
$352 left for the in clinic abortion. This is because the initial pill did not work after my assault. I have until May 25th (Saturday) before my first trimester ends and the cost goes up. I am offering tarot readings and @scarsofbeauty is doing art commissions!!
$145 and a day left! (05/23/2024)
pp: teariche@gmail.com
ca: $kendyhoney
my mom is letting my abuser -- my brother -- back into the house because he has nowhere to go and she misses her son and wants to give him another chance
mind you she has bailed him out of jail multiple times to free him of charges of assault, domestic assault, armed criminal action, property damage, theft, etc that he caused to my family. namely me and my sister, but also to my mom, so i'm really confused as to why she is granting him the ability to even visit
like he's choked me and he's thrown my sister into doors before stomping on her stomach. he's threatened to kill any children she may have and has told me (AFAB) and my sister that "women are only good for being raped". my sister has a 4 month old daughter now so we are very scared
anyways when i filed a restraining order today my mom tried keeping me away from doing so because "it's not necessary" and "he doesn't deserve that". she prevented me from reporting my assaults multiple times in years prior so i wouldn't ruin his reputation or chances at having a job
am i in the wrong here. i've been in therapy for over a decade due to his actions
A little catch up on what’s happening in my life now
under the read more. If i missed a tag and you wish me to tag something, please don’t be afraid to ask. You do not have to read at all.
Well a lot of this is just regurgitated things that happened over the past year. I often feel like I’m dwelling in the past. that i’m fragile. I often feel like it’s wrong to paint myself as the victim, so when things go wrong I often blame myself. The year started like any other. It was senior year, A year i was looking forward to. My partner of 9 months was at my side figuratively and I was happy.
About two weeks into my school year i was sexually assaulted by a man who led me from the train into one of those communal parking lots. It was on my way to a therapy session. I don’t know why I followed him. Perhaps I was lost in the conversation, or wanted to be a valiant hero? I don’t remember anymore. The Police painted me as a person who asked for it by not kicking and screaming like the other victims in my shoes. What i do remember is the months that followed as i regurgitated the same story to pretty much every authority figure that asked for it. I had no feelings. My mother barely understood as march came around the corner why i was wrapped up in a situation that wasn’t even that bad. My grades were terrible, i wasn’t handing anything in, and i had yet to apply to colleges. My relationship had become a tumour in my life. My ex and I had daily fights. He was not the support i needed, rather he made matters worse. Life moves on but i wasn’t ready to.
As a person with body dysphoria and poor body image, I didn’t take the incident well. I had my own slew of mental blips that started from when i was in my first online relationship 2 years prior as well as banishment from the first group that accepted me as a person rather than a punchline. Combining that with The incident as well as my failing relationship, My blips became complexes. My ex failed to understand and imitated my vices, seeing as how he was a rookie in having an SO. The days in between his and my birthday i dumped him. I couldn’t take his behavior anymore. I was tired of the fights.
He didn’t go peacefully. I tried dating again, since I recovered quite quickly. I knew what i was doing when it came to my pursuits. I needed someone in my life to help build my self esteem, to help me recover. to teach me how to love myself again. That was when i left the FNAF fandom. Chestnut was a daily reminder on how close i was to my ex. However, the person i did pursue refused my identity when i admitted i wasn’t a cis man but a transman. I ceased contact with him. To this day I don’t even know how he’s doing, and i like to keep it that way. the days that followed the identity rejection i started to have an identity crisis. I was transphobic towards myself. I felt second rate, not truly a man, disgusting. Those feelings never truely left. i just kept a lid on them.
I met someone else a month later. I’m currently with him. His situation is less than fortunate; his first set of parents are homophobic. the second set are okay with his orientation.
I lost faith in my family. My parents weren’t respecting my pronouns or my preferred name to even strangers. Not to mention that my stepfather kept calling me worthless and lazy, to the point where he threatened to take my door off of it’s hinges. this was another blow to my self image. my medication was requiring more than the recommended hours of sleep. my only reminder that i wasn’t worthless was my closest friend, which forced me to spend my time on the computer, since he was away at college.
As this was happening my ex, who i tried to keep friends, was beginning to exert control. I had told him that my current partner could only talk at a certain time, so when he came online i had to leave him and go to my partner to spend quality time. Every time we would hang out i would remind my ex, and every time he would throw a fit because I was prioritizing my partner over him.
Eventually it got to the point where i had to cut him out of my life, which he responded with threats of self harm and suicide. that and the nights that followed worsened my feelings of being trapped, unable to be free of the tumour that was hurting my life again. After an unnatural amount of effort on my part and help from my partner and some other friends, i cut him free.
That situation also made my mental complexes worsen. they became triggerable. I became destructive towards my own established friendships. i almost lost my closest friend and my partner.
The common friend between my ex and I ended up reuniting us, and my ex exerted worse behaviors from before. He was irrational, which triggered my issues. I explained that I was currently looking for a psychaitrist to examine me and determine what’s wrong if anything,
I was told that all my issues were just me being difficult, that i was only carrying on to get my way. Even after i explained time and time again that i couldn’t help my episodes.
Recently I got rid of him again. After actually “self diagnosing” myself on what my issues could be and thrusting the information in his face, I explained to him that he was a toxic influence in my life.
Time and time again, I mentally relive an instance from the past year. This makes “Getting over things” hard for me.
holy shit the sky news is absolutely fucking heartbreaking. i grew up with their content. what the hell
Popping in for a sec to vent because it's 6 am n I keep having flashbacks and thoughts.
LONG RANT/VENT AHEAD!!!!
My first relationship screwed me up more than I thought, id try to confide in him about my trauma n things but he down played mine and practically said his was worse...
So without fully realizing I constantly felt the need this urge to defend my cpstd with anyone even family.
I never feel validated for what I've been through and I have been through a lot...
From the age of 16-18 I'd let anyone take advantage of me, use me I did not care about myself I still don't really but it was worse back then..
The things I let myself go through the things I'd do to myself I regret it I'm ashamed of myself for it...
I was in such a dark place and no one cared no one.
I did not protect myself from anyone I'd let guys just do whatever they wanted to me...
Now realizing the gravity of what happened to me n what I did to myself I'm glad I'm somewhat out of being that person that I was..
But it still haunts me the memories haunt me the people around me disgust me because they just let it happen no one stopped to help me to give me support or love now I have to that to myself which is incredibly hard to do..
I constantly downplay my own emotions and stuff I can't trust anyone or let anyone completely in because of all this crap weighing in on me n I think people are full of shit when they say they care about me..
Because most of the time they are no one sticks around people talk to me for a while then drop me n don't talk to me anymore.
I honestly feel validated by it like yeah leave just get away from me already I don't need you I don't need anyone.
But I crave connection only to find it then destroy it eventually.
I can't keep up with talking to people texting is hard n draining so I can tend to be a dry texter or an awkward one honestly I don't know what kind of texter I am to people but eh...
This is a long babble so I'm going to just leave this now.
YOU ARE VALID YOUR TRAUMA IS VALID DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU IT ISNT TRAUMA IS TRAUMA!!!!!!!!!
goodnight or good morning to anyone who reads this I'm going to go to try to sleep now...
I want to remind everyone that someone intentionally trying to trigger a seizure is considered assault. It doesn't matter why or if they think it is funny. It's assault.
The Morning Visitor by Dino Buzzati reminds me of Will Byers so I redrew it with Will Byers, enjoy 🙃
tw: suicide and SA
it genuinely pisses me the fuck off that when I was 15, I got SA'ed, and because I'm male, no one, other than my friends, gave a shit.
i didn't say this, because I knew they'd try to send me to CPEP, which is a fucking hellhole, but I knew that the only way I'd actually get taken seriously was if I had said "I want to kill myself."
because those shitheads only cared about their goddamned jobs, and if I had committed suicide, they would've been held somewhat liable for my death.
this is the motherfucking reason male victims dont say shit.
because this fucking asshole looked me in the eyes and said,
"maybe you gave her mixed messages."
tw: rape, suicide, hatecrimes
if are you are okay with jokes about rape, suicide, hatecrimes, etc.
then you should also be okay with victims of such talking about it.
you should also be able to tell when and when not jokes are appropriate.
when laughter is appropriate.
TW/CW: Mentions of Sexual Assault (Nothing shown), Kaeya being an alcoholic
I love this man so much. I need mfers to stop trying to take advantage of him 😥
TW for assault mention!!!!!
Had the worst fucking day at work. Was just putting clothes and other stuff anyway when this guy who assault and told everyone i was a slut came into my work today. I just hide in the backroom and i couldn't stop crying.
I move school, delete my old social media accounts and he still somehow finds me. I called my sister and she pick me up early and i just came out of the covers. I'm scared to go outside, just when i thought i started healing and getting over it i see him and i cry so hard i almost throw up right in front of my manger.
She must think i pathetic.
I'm going to see a therapist soon so i am getting help i just need to dump all my thoughts somewhere. Agian i'm getting help and i engoure you do too if anything i said trigger you. Please rember your not alone and that it's your fault. There's people there.
I hate you, I hate you, everytime I go to bed I see your face and I fear you're hiding under my bed or in my closet ready to do it again, leave this home.
Its been two years, leave my home alone.
SA Indicators (TW)
The Indicators Project is an astrological research analysis project of different life situations, mental health and physical health conditions that can be seen through the birth chart. The research is done with the utmost care and precision, leaving out any indicators that could potentially be inaccurate. The purpose of this project is to help those that experience(d) one or many of these situations to feel visible, find confirmation and validation. A story has been created and pinned to my instagram profile that explains the basic of Indicators, and that will contain all indicators that have been posted. Please check that post before commenting, as it explains how the indicators should be read. This post may be reshared and reposted as long as credit is given.
This image shouldn't be used as a tool for self-diagnosis or ill intention towards yourself or others, specially if you are unsure, doubting or still considering if you experience(d) this situation or not (keep in mind: this is not related to self-doubt but actual factual doubt). With that being said, consider that indicators work, in most cases, through accumulation: the more indicators, the bigger the chances of having experienced the situation.
If you would like to volunteer with your natal chart please email your details to ancientastarwis@gmail.com
cw: hypersexualiation as a trauma response, talk of SA and use of the word r*pe
i had a reputation as the system's “child whxre”
can i say to the world
please
please
please
avoid judging your littles for how they act.
avoid giving system members labels unless they consent to it
avoid commenting on other alters behaviour if it's not truly harmful to the system.
ive been reading about trauma responses and SA holders in systems, and i have a few things to say;
i'd pretend to be the body's age to get myself into sexual situations because that was what i knew. that is what I expected from people. especially men. sex was predictable (even if it was hellishly painful). assaxlt was predictable. take what you want, leave me to clean up. it was a rhythm i was used to
it felt Safe in a way. and anyone who hasn't experienced long term sa will not understand that. i knew what they'd do and i could doll up accordingly. once the sa abuse finished i still expected that people would act that way, and when they didn't, id seek out the patterns of abuse. it was more controllable than my own emorions.
hypersexualising myself came from not having any other option during the abuse but to sit down and take it, and not knowing of any alternatives when it ended.
sex and sexual situations were safe.
whenever i'd make sex jokes.. more accurately rxpe jokes. i was trying to cope with having my most basic human rights stripped. i was doing my best to handle sexual assaults on my own. i wasn't trying to, or aware of the impact it had on the others.
it was trauma.
it was always trauma.
i was too afraid to tell anyone any of why i acted that way (especially not how id been moulded into the prefect obedient slxt by my previous abusers) due to how the system and outer world spoke of me.
so please
if your littles/middles/tweens/teens, sometimes adults too, are acting out, especially sexualising themselves, here's a high chance they'd dealing with something no one else knows about.
check in with your system.
- teddy (11 years)
I agree with all this. I would also add how much something similar to this sticks out in my mind in IM2, and I find quite interesting in the wake of Stane: Justin Hammer. Granted, he’s a wannabe in a lot of senses, and I think he is in this sense too. He uses Tony’s name a lot, even tries to gain control over him in conversation by using “Anthony”, and the touching. That always bothered me in the first part of IM2, and now I see it more strongly as the same vibe that came from Stane. Hammer wants to get into a position with Tony like Obadiah had, and you see Tony is Not Having It. I wouldn’t be surprised if part of Tony’s reaction isn’t just “Ew, Hammer, NO”, but also unconscious or direct memories of Obadiah. The differences between Hammer and Stane are finesse, practice and opportunity.
That scene in iron man where Obadiah stane is buttoning up Tony’s shirt (after he shows him the arc reactor) gives me the creep
girlhood is being hit on by your music teacher