Vulnerability - Tumblr Posts
I mourn for all the poems that died in my head when I was alone.
I apologise for not being lonely enough to give them life.
it still comes as a surprise that closeness cannot be achieved from a safe distance
I keep trying to dream of you, but you never come. I wanted to believe that if I thought of you long and hard enough, I’d be able to conjure you into my life. It seems, even in dreams, that you refuse to be seen by me. I try to pry apart your skin and get a good look inside, but you won’t stop screaming and howling. Some people can’t bear the pain of two eyes on them, sometimes it hurts like being ripped open.
Loki 1x03 spoilers⚠️
(concerning Sylvie and Loki)
Why are they so intimate with one another??😳
The physical contact, the position, the body language from both of them-
The discussion of family, upbringing, sexuality, and love-
Sylvie allowing herself to fall asleep in Loki’s presence after she said she wouldn’t-
Loki singing (a gentle Asgardian song) directly to Sylvie-
Loki explaining his interpretation of love to Sylvie while holding his weapon so close to her, even turning the blade towards his chest-
Them sitting so close to one another when Loki tries to comfort Sylvie and reassure her that they can still survive their predicament-
The collective defeat that they’ve lost hope after trying their best-
Them probably thinking that they’ll die together and waiting for the worst to come-
They are ridiculously intimate for strangers or at least people that don’t trust one another 100%. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is foreshadowing a romance😳
call me a hopeless romantic or a poet but i just think that hand holding is one of the most intimate gestures a human can make that expresses so much love and vulnerability
and how am I not supposed to hold his hand when it fits so perfectly in mine?
To be fully open and vulnerable in a relationship and not knowing if that person is there temporarily or permanently is probably one of the scariest things in the world!
trust your intuition, trust the process. things will fall into place as they must. 🫀
GROWTH IS NOT LINEAR.
be patient with yourself.
I got all my wisdom teeth removed at the same time and couldn't speak for a few hours. why does this note I wrote my husband about the grocery store feel like a poem
I am burning in my flames. #flames #emotions #vulnerability #positivity #conscience #burning #igniting #poetry #intimidated #writerscommunity #writersofinstagram #poetrycommunity #poetryporn #feels #thoughts #sanity #insane https://www.instagram.com/p/BoPS_Lpl5AA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=r9j81bi797f2
You deceived me, because you knew I was strong.
You injured me, because you knew I would survive.
If I was less strong, tell me, would you’ve been much nicer to me?
- k.m
Hope you win that sh*t. 💯
The other day a friend ran out to check on me after a long night out. I stormed out angrily to take a walk and to my surprise she followed me out there.
She could tell I wasn’t about to open up about anything so she lead with vulnerability and told me about some of her struggles she has had over the years. Then of course she brought the conversation back to me and my feelings. I was clammed up.
This is not my wife (whom I was upset with at the time) so I felt guilty, wrong for even thinking that I could emotionally open up to her. Even though at that moment, i truly did feel all alone in the world. Yall know that feeling right?!? I mean this is. Tumblr after all lmao 😂
I deflected and asked her more about her own situation and effectively “got out” of talking about my feelings.
Afterwards though, i really thought about it. There were a lot of folx around but she was the one to come out and check on me. I needed someone to even if I didn’t say it. Normally im the extrovert of my friend groups. The solid one. The one you go to for guidance, wisdom, and also to have fun and laugh. I love to smile and make others smile as well.
I texted my friend and told her it meant a lot that she checked ✅ on me, but more importantly i think i walked away with a better understanding of the types of people and depth of understanding i would like to have around me more.
Those of us who have to largest smiles know the most pain. Never forget that.
These are my thoughts 💭 on what im thinking 🤔.
Peace ✌🏾,
- Teach_or_Trav
Quote on vulnerability and its impact on human connection.
Echoes of Understanding
In the quiet solitude of my room, I sat, my thoughts swirling like leaves caught in a gust of wind. I longed for someone to truly understand me, to see beyond the surface and grasp the complexities of my soul.
As I scrolled through my phone, I couldn't shake the feeling of isolation that seemed to cling to me like a shadow. I craved connection, the kind that went beyond mere words or superficial exchanges.
Closing my eyes, I imagined a world where I could be completely myself, where my deepest fears and desires were met with empathy and understanding. I yearned for someone to look into my eyes and see the chaos within, to hold my hand and say, "I understand."
But as the night stretched on, I realized that perhaps the key to being understood wasn't in finding someone else, but in learning to understand myself. And so, with a renewed sense of determination, I set out on a journey of self-discovery, knowing that true understanding would come from within.
I poured out my heart, expecting nothing in return, only to find that in the depths of your silence, you held the key to unlock the love I never knew existed.
Adventure
The mountain air carries a crispness, accompanied by the gentle melody of birdsong. Standing atop this majestic peak, I settle down to absorb the breathtaking panorama. Below me, the river flows, a ribbon thousands of feet below, while lush green trees adorn the surrounding mountains. At last, a moment of tranquility envelopes me.
As I closed my eyes, a flood of emotions engulfed me. Tears trickled down my cheeks, unveiling the depth of his significance in my life. I once believed the hardest part was letting him go, yet in truth, the real challenge is acknowledging my reluctance to do so. Admitting the depth of my feelings for him is a revelation I cannot evade. Severing our connection was not solely about letting go, but rather erecting a shield against the fear of falling completely in love with him.
Despite relishing the solitary hike, an unshakable yearning lingers— a desire for his presence, wishing he was by my side to share in this awe-inspiring adventure.
Day 8: Frail. Except nah, frail has too much of weakness in it for me, so actually let's use fragile instead. Because breakable doesn't mean broken, and broken doesn't mean unfixable. Not so much a Plot Twist as a loop-the-loop going on with the haiku. And yep, it's late for Inktober! Start where you can, stories are circles.
/
HELL yeah I'm fragile.
As a fucking FREIGHT TRAIN, girl.
Made brittle by rust.
/
AKB 2019
Photo reference here:
Day 8: Frail. Except nah, frail has too much of weakness in it for me, so actually let's use fragile instead. Because breakable doesn't mean broken, and broken doesn't mean unfixable. Not so much a Plot Twist as a loop-the-loop going on with the haiku. And yep, it's late for Inktober! Start where you can, stories are circles.
/
HELL yeah I'm fragile.
As a fucking FREIGHT TRAIN, girl.
Made brittle by rust.
/
AKB 2019
Photo reference here:
19 -
Black or white. Wrong or right. Good or bad. It’s all a spectrum, but I have a really hard time seeing it that way.
Today, I’m trying to hold both of these things & give them equal weight:
1. I am an addict. I am an alcoholic. I have hurt the people I love. I have made choices that put myself, my loved ones, and society in danger. Intentionally as well as unintentionally. I’ve acted in ways, with no regard for others. I’ve made people worry and caused them anxiety. I still have more to see about the ripple effects of my actions.
I give myself a little grace because I started using and drinking at a young age (13 to be precise) But I continued this pattern through the age of 29. Probably still wouldn’t have admitted it was slowly killing me if it didn’t all blow up in my face and I had no other choice but to face reality. That’s just the truth.
Even at 13, I knew I was making a bad decision (hi DARE) but I didn’t care because I thought I was better than it (lol I was kind of a “I know better than everyone else” little b at 13).
In a way, I thought I was invincible. I’ve been so consumed by my own pain that I didn’t take the time to truly acknowledge others’. I ignored them. It’s not all me me me me me. I say this to take accountability.
2. I grew up in a turbulent household. My father was an alcoholic and those are my earliest memories. I was terrified of him & embarrassed of him. He got sober and then became a drug addict. He took me on drug runs. Our backyard was covered in crack pipes. He forgot about me, he belittled me, he degraded me. He physically abused my mother and myself. He told me I wasn’t worthy and my family kind of enabled that narrative. He’s clean now and has been for years but he is so wrapped up in his own delusional world - we have no contact. I found out recently that he suffered horrible abuse and neglect as a child. The cycle continues.
It was just my parents and I, not much extended family. One grandma - well, she swallowed a lifetime of abuse and pain. She wasn’t entirely sane, as a result. The other one? Everything was my fault in her eyes, I was just like my dad. Why am I making our lives so hard? At 3, at 7, at 16, at 21, now. Ok grandma, I get it. I wasn’t an easy child. Everyone else was pretty much on the fringe, never really saw them or knew them.
My mom wasn’t around because she was busy supporting the whole household and trying to keep it all together. I still don’t know how she did it. She’s also very stoic — actually, it’s a cultural thing. We come from a background where stoicism is revered. We. Do. Not. Talk. About. Things. We overcome and we swallow it or we whisper behind closed doors and pretend everything is fine. Patriarchy rules. You can’t change your situation, bad things happen and we endure silently.
I see things from her perspective now, she was in an impossible situation. She’s only human. These days, we are a lot more honest and compassionate with each other. She is my anchor and I would give her the sun, if I could.
But I held a lot of anger and resentment towards her for most of my childhood. Because I felt no one had my back. I had to grow up and parent myself starting at a very young age. I had to figure out the world on my own. When things with my dad finally ended and she was ready to parent me, I was like “fuck you”. I was 14 years old and thought I knew everything.
So, I attribute a lot of the issues I struggle/d with to my upbringing. To not having the resources, the support, or a caregiver who could actually provide care. What about me? I never got a sorry. I got ridiculed and gaslit for being a walking trauma response as a child. No one explained that this wasn’t okay. Actually, no one really said much of anything besides getting upset when I wasn’t docile and quiet. My self-esteem is the depth of a teaspoon (but growing stronger, each day). So what about me? Where is my fucking apology? They were adults who were supposed to know better and do better.
It’s the not dealing with these issues and hiding everything until I felt like I was going to explode — that led me to make the choices I made, turning to alcohol & drugs. Like I sprinted towards them. I knew there would be consequences sure, but I didn’t see myself being where I am today. I didn’t see myself causing hurt, anguish, pain to people around me who love me. I didn’t see myself wishing for death and becoming suicidal. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone really gave a shit about me so I was free to deal however I wanted.
I see those things now. I’m uncovering more and more each day. I start to remember so many times I’ve used and forgotten about — it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s hard. I’m coming to terms with these choices and their consequences. No one is obliged to forgive me & I respect their boundaries. Apologies don’t erase pain. I feel embarrassed to admit these truths, because they seem ridiculous to me now. But I have to. I want to be better.
It’s hard to not think that the decisions made were entirely wrong or entirely right. That the people involved (myself included) are all good or all bad. How can I acknowledge that my childhood was difficult and shaped me as I am today, but that my choices are entirely my own? At what point, what age, is it acceptable to say I knew better but continued to choose self-destruction? How do I forgive myself?
Maybe the issue is that I’m focused on that instead of understanding how decisions & people are far more complex than an either/or. I’m struggling to reconcile these things as truth, altogether — to understand the gray.
I still have a long way to go.
I looked at my cat sleeping on my pillow, laid my head right next to his looking straight at his catnapping state and cried.
He isn’t sick or something worrying, i just looked at him. Sleeping soundly, his little belly rising and falling with each breath, at peace - a contrast to his usual hopping around like he’s a toddler on sugar rush.
And i thought to myself.. wow, this little creature, this tiny little thing i once picked up from my friend, trusts me. It trusts me enough to sleep on my pillows - chooses to sleep on my pillows. It feels safe with me, it feels good with me… !!!
I think thats funny, something most would disregard with a hollow “its nothing” brought me to tears, humans are funny, existence is odd, being is unique.