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I want someone to be concerned about me like I’m concerned about gaining weight

my poem about anorexia:

"ana"

my caved in chest

and chicken arms

my pencil thin legs

and all my scars

my hollowed out cheeks

the rituals begin

the bags under my sockets

the definition of my chin

the fatigue every morning

the dizzy every night

the hunger pain

and the shivers

triggering myself

ana is the boss

find a way to cope

weight loss

decreased testosterone

or the absence of your period

workout routines

food diaries

nausea

sudden death

making others worried

shortness of breath

constipation or diarrhea

cut out food groups

weigh in every day

osteoporosis

my hair falling out

lanugo on my skin

bruises on my legs

my collarbones thin

my spine visible

my sternum is too

my bicep non-existent

daydreaming about my meals

every calorie counting

working out for hours on end

stomach flat

unable to keep a friend

a kilo or a pound

obsessed with the numbers

check each ingredient

water instead of oil

unsweetened almond milk

or a rice cake

oatmeal

scared to attempt to bake

blueish fingers

yellow-tinted skin

anemia

distorted self-image

feeding all my friends

counting while I eat

portioning myself

starving is my treat

women

men

children

and teens

big

tall

short and small

haunted by her curse

"have you eaten today?"

"I'm worried about you"

"Do you want some food?"

"Eat a burger"

memorize the macros

"i am not a dog, food is not my treat"

cry yourself to sleep

"but I've seen you eat"

hours in mirrors

isolate from others

heart palpations

and restless nights

incurable thirst

intermittent fasting

binges or purges

all effects are lasting

normal on the outside

dying on the inside

questions from passersby

self-harm

"just one more hour"

"just one more meal"

"i already ate"

"it's not that big of a deal"

suicidal thoughts

being underweight

scared of being healthy

scared to get too sick

feeding tubes

hospitalization

thinking about food

hyperventilation

racing thoughts

loneliness

using laxatives

diets

going to the gym

going for a run

bodychecking

never having fun

infertility

cracked, dry skin

thin, brittle nails

weakened teeth

ruining my life

ruining my relationships

ruining my future

unable to eat a bag of chips

eating disorder speaks in my place

therapy

"just eat"

excuses for each meal

obsessed with my intake

obsessed with the math

obsessed with my weight

following this path

ice

water

gum

coffee

hoping that they notice

never tell a soul

hide it all from others

staring at my empty bowl

atypical or not

never feeling valid

covering my body

starving till I'm on my deathbed

recovery is useless

"i want to stay this way"

I'll have to fight my whole life

to keep her voice at bay

searches on the Internet

headaches

vitamin deficient

aspartame

comparison

"no cal is better than low cal"

refeeding syndrome

"I'm not good enough"

"once on the lips forever on the hips"

quick ways to lose weight

calculate my BMI

freak out about what I just ate

hide my secret

hide my body

keep on the low

ana,

till I'm skin and bone

oh how she will lie

she doesn't want you to just be a number

she wants you to die.

-zsc

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

everyone I made a Spotify playlist! it's a very long playlist full of songs actually about anorexia, so if any of you are interested!

Okay...

I'm gonna try to be as active as possible this November, tonight I'll post my first body check.

Wish me luck cause I'll need it

I'm so sorry I really am I really was gonna do it, but I had a full on binge yesterday and it sent me spiraling down.

I'm going to the gym tonight and I'm going to do a body check. No excuses this time!

Almost gave in and binged. I took that piece of chicken nugget and really thought about it. How would it make me feel afterward, and is it really worth it... I let go of it so quickly.

Discipline is the key!!!!

Today I kinda had a binge day...

Initially, I wanted to continue with the fasting. However, that didn't happen. I ate some soup ( 25 cal), chicken nuggets (5×60cals), mini pizza (250cals), mini chocolate donuts (3×80 cals), and chocolate cookies (681 cals).

Total: 1496 cals

Burned: 247 cals

All together: 1249 cals

I'm gonna fast tomorrow to make up for it.

Uhhhh, I hate food with my whole life. I literally want to never put food in my mouth again. Fuck the fuckin food. You're good for nothing. You only bring trouble. Stay the fuck away from me.

Current weight: 51kg ✅️

Gw1: 50kg ❌️

Gw2: 48kg ❌️

Gw3: 46.5kg ❌️

Gw4: 45kg ❌️

Ugw: 44kg ❌️

( I want to achieve it by Christmas)

I'm going to try to start something again. I've been eating too much lately. Tomorrow is Monday and I'll start my fast. I wanna fast as long as I can last. If I feel like passing out, I'll eat something that's less than 100 cals.

+ I promised myself not to BnP anymore.

Today was good. Fasted for the whole day. The only bad thing is that I drank tea with honey 😩. But I burned 237 calories, so I guess it's okay.

✧* My most recent attempt at getting more angles * ̥˚

⚠️ TW ED CONTENT + FAKE BODY

my post-going off the rails and getting my p*riod cw (⚆ᗝ⚆)

some b0die ch3x :]

+ vvv cute bonus pics!! ;3

DISCLAIMER:

Pro-recovery, always

Please block, don’t report

Personal dairy for my own journey with 4n0r3x1a

✧ this morning’s weigh-in:

height - 5’3 (160 cm)

cw - 104.4 lbs (47.36 kgs)

bmi - 18.49

✧ b0die ch3x:

✧ + bonus fit/style checks:

This week i have to lose 5kg or else im gonna lose it. I havent been consistent anymore and the past 3days have been so high kcal i can't bare to live with it anymore

Im back in control over my body

Feeling: empowered

Im so disappointed by myself

How could i let go of my control, i was stuck in this loop of acting like i had my life together with my bf but he made me lazy and unproductive so my plans got messed around with and NO

I need to grab my paddle and move further, ive been still for months

This game of having selfcontrol over food is so easy

1. Set up a list what clean foods you like and stick with that

2. Eat like you ate when you were a kid

3. Find new clothes thats a size smaller, that way it will motivate you to lose weight

4. New style of clothing will inspire you to want change

5. Keep a foodlog in your notes

6. Romanticize your vision in life with MUSIC MUSIC

7. You can never go wrong with eating fruits

<33

challenge 2000kcal in 5 days

who wants to join me doing a restriction challenge

i have planned out how to challenge me or you if you wanna try it out too

so in a spam of 5 days that you already ate and kept in a foodlog, see first if you haven’t eaten above 2000 kcal cuz try to stay under 2000 kcal in 5 days

i have already eaten 1445 kcal in 2 days which means i got 555kcal left to spread in 3 days 

so now it’ll get interesting cuz then i only have 185 per day to consume but who says i need to eat in a day that’s the challenge 

staying under budget is better

who else is interested in this can dm me for motivation to lose their appetites, just anything even if you are not doing my challenge you are welcome

we can help each other out

stay skinny luvs <3

I weighed myself today after so long

That made me trigger, i hate seeing numbers cuz they drive me crazy but that opened my motivation to lose more weight

Update

Day 1

I ate broccoli broth soup with lots of veggies with vegan sausages n udon noodles 385kcal, next time im not gonna add the vegan sausages if i wanna stay under 2000kcal in 5 days

Day 2

I ate cereal with strawberries and some nuts 350kcal and that was already too much for me

I also ate a wrap with mozzarella and tomato pesto and half another wrap, puked it out cuz that was 700kcal never again, that shit aint safe for my challenge so -400kcal

Day 3

I ate 2 slices of cauliflower pizza and that was surprisingly just 250kcal i consumed, i threw away the rest while eating that i had the thoughts to puke it out but i couldnt cuz i was at my bf house, but i can burn it off today

So far i had 1285kcal in 3 days

Im so excited to succeed my challenge, yass girlies let's goo

Update 2

Day 4

I made pho soup with vegetable broth and veggie sausages with lots of veggies added too and that was only 265kcal, i got sick cuz its getting colder and colder outside so i need some nutrition to keep my immune system working

Day 5

Still sick but i made it, i ate broth soup again without pho noodles, this time I added a handful of nuts and broccoli and more veggies 145kcal Next thing i had cuz i felt a bit snacky, i made a fruit salad with strawberries and an baby apple with a bit of nuts to top it off and some cereal and that was 190kcal

I made it 🫶

challenge 2000kcal in 5 days

who wants to join me doing a restriction challenge

i have planned out how to challenge me or you if you wanna try it out too

so in a spam of 5 days that you already ate and kept in a foodlog, see first if you haven’t eaten above 2000 kcal cuz try to stay under 2000 kcal in 5 days

i have already eaten 1445 kcal in 2 days which means i got 555kcal left to spread in 3 days 

so now it’ll get interesting cuz then i only have 185 per day to consume but who says i need to eat in a day that’s the challenge 

staying under budget is better

who else is interested in this can dm me for motivation to lose their appetites, just anything even if you are not doing my challenge you are welcome

we can help each other out

stay skinny luvs <3

Having to maintain your ed with when you have ur period is hard

Any tips?